Family
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "You"Personal poems
7 total reviews
Comment from mshirachot
I almost gave this a four stars...but I really hate doing that. The poem is quite lovely, but you have not followed the rules of the contest, which calls for a maximum of 16 lines.
There is a typo in this line:
"Bequiled me with your Kind..." (you used a "Q" fersus a "G"
And it was quite tedious with the whole scrolling down and large spacing between each line. That made the affect of the whole poem not so light and not so sweet.
Still...I did like it...and so gave you a five.
Blessings to you!
Marsha
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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I almost gave this a four stars...but I really hate doing that. The poem is quite lovely, but you have not followed the rules of the contest, which calls for a maximum of 16 lines.
There is a typo in this line:
"Bequiled me with your Kind..." (you used a "Q" fersus a "G"
And it was quite tedious with the whole scrolling down and large spacing between each line. That made the affect of the whole poem not so light and not so sweet.
Still...I did like it...and so gave you a five.
Blessings to you!
Marsha
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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I appreciate your hanging in there on that. I had inadvertently overlooked the line limitation. I'll get right on that typo. You are an honest and discerning reviewer. I don't have any more recommendations available this month or you'd get one. As far as the spacing, my artistic intent is to have that - You Have" really hang there in the air, but I'll look at the other spacing. Thanks for the review.
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Oh my, I went in and looked. Somehow there were way more lines then I thought I had in there. I don't know how that happened. I just went in and fixed I to my original intent. Thanks for mentioning it.
Comment from cephira
This poem was more "heat" than light and sweet. So of course I loved it! It flowed wonderfully and the artwork was a perfect match. The line "Added glorious color to my jaded starkness" was magical. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cephira
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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This poem was more "heat" than light and sweet. So of course I loved it! It flowed wonderfully and the artwork was a perfect match. The line "Added glorious color to my jaded starkness" was magical. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cephira
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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That's Ceohira for that "warm" review. I much appreciate it.
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. I love the author notes. You have been through hell together and survived. The hell was brought on by life and not your love. Your love is what saved you both. This is what a lot of people don't understand. They blame the hell on their love and leave when things get too rough. Great work.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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I love the picture. I love the poem. I love the author notes. You have been through hell together and survived. The hell was brought on by life and not your love. Your love is what saved you both. This is what a lot of people don't understand. They blame the hell on their love and leave when things get too rough. Great work.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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Your summation eloquently captures the essence. Thank you so much.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello. I liked your voice behind the words and indeed, your poem is light-hearted and gentle. I felt that the format as far as the words were too far apart making it a little akward to read. The picture looks a little too big as well. Do you intend to spell the word beautiful the way you did?
The set no limit on female ration is interesting. From what I can infer, It means he couldn't get enough of you. I really enjoyed your conclusion though. I hope my input helps. Keep writing and good luck.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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Hello. I liked your voice behind the words and indeed, your poem is light-hearted and gentle. I felt that the format as far as the words were too far apart making it a little akward to read. The picture looks a little too big as well. Do you intend to spell the word beautiful the way you did?
The set no limit on female ration is interesting. From what I can infer, It means he couldn't get enough of you. I really enjoyed your conclusion though. I hope my input helps. Keep writing and good luck.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the review. I'll look at it again.
Comment from RYME4U
This is a well written poem giving many examples of "You"
I think the contest said 16 lines maximum. I liked the flow and rhythm and the way you have presented this. Good job and good luck
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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This is a well written poem giving many examples of "You"
I think the contest said 16 lines maximum. I liked the flow and rhythm and the way you have presented this. Good job and good luck
Comment Written 22-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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I may have missed that. Thanks
Comment from Deorre Leonard
Thats what life is all about sticking it out when things get tough... You did a great job with this very emotional poem, nicely done. Deorre
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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Thats what life is all about sticking it out when things get tough... You did a great job with this very emotional poem, nicely done. Deorre
Comment Written 22-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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Many thanks Deorre,
Comment from McMurry903
Very beautiful poem! You crafted a great piece, this fits this prompt well as there was a very sweet and light feel but with much love and desire.I wish you the best of luck in this contest!! Brian :)
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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Very beautiful poem! You crafted a great piece, this fits this prompt well as there was a very sweet and light feel but with much love and desire.I wish you the best of luck in this contest!! Brian :)
Comment Written 22-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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Thank you Brian. A very nice Review.
