The Jersey Hoard
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "A site is found chapter four."A Historical Puzzle
12 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
I seem to have missed this chapter. Glad I found it!
The gory and colourful, very imaginatively re-created tale continues!
I am getting used to your style of writing, write hand, because the punctuation (or lack thereof!) is proving to be less of a distraction!
A good read.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
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I seem to have missed this chapter. Glad I found it!
The gory and colourful, very imaginatively re-created tale continues!
I am getting used to your style of writing, write hand, because the punctuation (or lack thereof!) is proving to be less of a distraction!
A good read.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
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Thank you for reading my work. Yes I will have to sort out the punctuation etc. Kind regards Mel.
Comment from hubba marwa
Great ! Great ! Great !
Very nice piece of work.The choice of words is really awesome.Your writing really grips the reader all along
really EXCEPTIONAL !
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
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Great ! Great ! Great !
Very nice piece of work.The choice of words is really awesome.Your writing really grips the reader all along
really EXCEPTIONAL !
Comment Written 17-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
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Thank you hubba, for your kind review. I'm pleased you enjoyed my story...Mel.
Comment from October21
Interesting story to read. The dialogue is compelling. Loved your use of body language so it is easy for the reader to visualise the scene.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
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Interesting story to read. The dialogue is compelling. Loved your use of body language so it is easy for the reader to visualise the scene.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
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Thank you October21, for your kind review...Mel.
Comment from Norbanus
An excellently portrayed battle scene but with survivors. The site will not stay lost so Eudeyrn must be wrong. I found nothing to correct.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
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An excellently portrayed battle scene but with survivors. The site will not stay lost so Eudeyrn must be wrong. I found nothing to correct.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
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Thank you Norbanus, for your kind review. I think Euderyn achieved his aims... Mel.
Comment from Scribbler67
A good chapter with plenty of action, and a gripping story-line.
However, I do feel there are some issues of grammar and sentence construction which need to be addressed, and the work would benefit from a full edit.
Para.beg. 'The others all yell out...cover themselves with blue (woad). Spelling.
Para.beg. 'Attacking the Roman wall...wildly flying (gladius)...' A gladiolus is a flower, so named for the resemblance of its leaf to a gladius.
P.b. 'It is too late to save...a (gladius) is thrust...'
P.b. 'The legionnaire (whirls) round...' Spelling. '...his (gladius)...'
P.b. 'Eudeyrn, help me,...bush(,)covered...' Without the comma, or 'and', it sounds as if the bush is covered in wounds.
A promising story, well worth some extra research, and polishing.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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A good chapter with plenty of action, and a gripping story-line.
However, I do feel there are some issues of grammar and sentence construction which need to be addressed, and the work would benefit from a full edit.
Para.beg. 'The others all yell out...cover themselves with blue (woad). Spelling.
Para.beg. 'Attacking the Roman wall...wildly flying (gladius)...' A gladiolus is a flower, so named for the resemblance of its leaf to a gladius.
P.b. 'It is too late to save...a (gladius) is thrust...'
P.b. 'The legionnaire (whirls) round...' Spelling. '...his (gladius)...'
P.b. 'Eudeyrn, help me,...bush(,)covered...' Without the comma, or 'and', it sounds as if the bush is covered in wounds.
A promising story, well worth some extra research, and polishing.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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Thank you Scribbler67, for your helpful review... Mel.
Comment from Eric Corsten
Looks good, great grammar and spacing made it a smooth read. To be honest, I'm lost in the story..this is the first I've read of this...It seems interesting I would love to see more
Goose
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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Looks good, great grammar and spacing made it a smooth read. To be honest, I'm lost in the story..this is the first I've read of this...It seems interesting I would love to see more
Goose
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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Thank you for your kind review... Mel.
Comment from c_lucas
A very strong post with a good fight scene. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very strong read. Good job.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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A very strong post with a good fight scene. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very strong read. Good job.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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Thank you for your kind review... Mel.
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You're welcome, Mel. Charlie
Comment from Stephen Wolff
Interesting and I would guess has been written under the influence of readings of Caesar's "Conquest of Gaul" or "The Civil War". Some of the punctuation is a bit wayward, especially the commas, so that would be worth reviewing, and I feel some of the vocab is suspect. the word "pygmies" seems out of place as I'm pretty sure that no such people were known at the time. Also, at least on the basis of this passage, the Celts are portrayed as more primitive than they actually were. Celtic culture was not just widespread and and enduring it was also pretty sophisticated. You can get some idea of this through Tacitus amongst other classical writers as well as through recent archaeological finds and some pretty good modern analysis of their societal structures.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Interesting and I would guess has been written under the influence of readings of Caesar's "Conquest of Gaul" or "The Civil War". Some of the punctuation is a bit wayward, especially the commas, so that would be worth reviewing, and I feel some of the vocab is suspect. the word "pygmies" seems out of place as I'm pretty sure that no such people were known at the time. Also, at least on the basis of this passage, the Celts are portrayed as more primitive than they actually were. Celtic culture was not just widespread and and enduring it was also pretty sophisticated. You can get some idea of this through Tacitus amongst other classical writers as well as through recent archaeological finds and some pretty good modern analysis of their societal structures.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you for your review. Firstly I have never read Caesar's 'conquest of Gaul' or any other authentic account.
I have based the writing on the few available facts.
The Celtic culture was only sophisticated in so far as it functioned inside the tribe. It was a violent society that was controlled by warrior families. They were not regarded as adept at politics. Warlike for their time and horrendous when looking back. Successful warriors nailed human heads of their victims to the outside walls of their hovels as trophies.
The celtic culture never amounted to much because of their continual barbaric tribal and inter tribal blood feuds. Some that are remembered to this day.
I don't know where I read it but pigmies (or the equivalent word was used).
These people believed in druids and blood sacrifices. That's pretty primitive.
I agree we have a lot to learn about their culture, but I feel that a lot it is dark.
Regards Mel.
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There are now quite a lot of facts which can be used to piece together some idea of Celtic society or societies as, of course, Celtic culture spread across Europe and remained for several centuries. The present consensus seems to be that, whilst Celts were often up for a fight and there's a strong vein of violence in the culture (something they shared with most cultures of the time including the Roman), its spread was more to do with superior farming and metal working techniques. Whilst 50 years ago the Celt was seen as a conqueror, DNA evidence suggests that the spread of Celtic culture was more to do with its adoption by the indigenous population and there is strong evidence for cooperation as being more the rule than conflict. As far as the Druids are concerned their actual beliefs are mostly lost and what we do have is often provided by those who opposed them. What survives does suggest however a substantial level of sophistication and even a rudimentary grasp of sciences. Its also really well worth looking at Roman sources such as Tacitus and Caesar as they are pretty much all that's available, they're more accurate than you would expect and much of what they say is backed by the archaeology.
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I tend to go along with you in a lot of what you say.
My understanding of the Celt hierarchical system in the 60 - 50 BC period, is that a central core of warrior families, under one leader chief or whatever, controlled the tribe by various tythes or other means.
Reducing some or all of the rest of the tribe to virtual slaves.
Slavery seems to have been the normal way of life. This gave a good standard of living (provide you were not the slave of course.)
My story is woven around this concept.
Life is a multitude of small details, these are what I like to examine before I write. Rather than be influenced by someone elses view. Though I do want to read Tacitus and Caesar sometime.
In a time of stress certain ways of behavior change. And I believe that something similar to what I have described may have happened.
Perhaps with more drama and barbarity who knows?
I have seen examples of their work and some of it is excellent. They were also noted to be eloquent in this period.
I would like to know a lot more about the Celts but we don't even know what they called their coins... Regards Mel.
Comment from wiljacro
HI!What a terrific description of a skirmish between the fighters of two rival armies, that truly hate each other. The action is so clearly defined that the imagination of your readers must inevitabley visulise the deaths and wounding of both groups of slodiers as they fight to the death. A great and atmospheric read, which I thoroughly enjoyed. wiljacro.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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HI!What a terrific description of a skirmish between the fighters of two rival armies, that truly hate each other. The action is so clearly defined that the imagination of your readers must inevitabley visulise the deaths and wounding of both groups of slodiers as they fight to the death. A great and atmospheric read, which I thoroughly enjoyed. wiljacro.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Thank you wiljacro, for your kind review. I have tried to depict the attitude that would have prevailed and tailored the plot around it...Mel.
Comment from Rondeno
So the treasure is buried, and a sharp encounter with the Romans has resulted in major losses ... this story continues along its epic path. Well-written!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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So the treasure is buried, and a sharp encounter with the Romans has resulted in major losses ... this story continues along its epic path. Well-written!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
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Thank you Rondeno, for your kind review... Mel.
