The Jersey Hoard
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Eudeyrn's escape chapter five."A Historical Puzzle
11 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Bravo! I enjoyed reading this tale all the way to its conclusion.
So well researched and very englightening.
A great write, write hand blue - what's next on the menu?
P.S. Was pleased to notice more commas!!
Typos: agrees his Bellinus (something missing?)
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
  |
Bravo! I enjoyed reading this tale all the way to its conclusion.
So well researched and very englightening.
A great write, write hand blue - what's next on the menu?
P.S. Was pleased to notice more commas!!
Typos: agrees his Bellinus (something missing?)
Comment Written 17-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
-
Once again my thanks for following the story. I have used more commas in the last chapters, just can't seem to get them in the right places though. LOL.
I don't know what comes next, I need to improve first.
A novel I'm writing is in its final stages now, but I find myself sidetracked all the time with other ideas.
Anyway I'm pleased you enjoyed my writings... Kind regards.Mel.
Comment from Misrael
That was very interesting and yes gory but not as much as some others I have read. Unfortunately human nature can be very cruel and mean. You are right in saying that truth is stranger than fiction. Good read and keep on writing.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
|
That was very interesting and yes gory but not as much as some others I have read. Unfortunately human nature can be very cruel and mean. You are right in saying that truth is stranger than fiction. Good read and keep on writing.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
-
Thank you Misreal, for your kind review...Mel.
Comment from October21
stranger that fiction- stranger than fiction
Well written. Perhaps the last part could have been in your authors notes instead though!:)
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
|
stranger that fiction- stranger than fiction
Well written. Perhaps the last part could have been in your authors notes instead though!:)
Comment Written 16-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2012
-
Thank you for your kind review...Mel.
Comment from Norbanus
An outstanding piece of historical fiction. It is plausible and filled with enough detail to bring the read right into the scene.
There are opportunities to tighten a bit more by including some of the telling sentences into dialogue.
Here's one example, the telling statement tha 'The Romans make camp.' Could be included as part of the following dialogue
"We will search for survivors tomorrow at first light." Centurion Quintus Cato order his troop, now well under strength to make camp, unaware of the importance of this mission he is responsible for.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
|
An outstanding piece of historical fiction. It is plausible and filled with enough detail to bring the read right into the scene.
There are opportunities to tighten a bit more by including some of the telling sentences into dialogue.
Here's one example, the telling statement tha 'The Romans make camp.' Could be included as part of the following dialogue
"We will search for survivors tomorrow at first light." Centurion Quintus Cato order his troop, now well under strength to make camp, unaware of the importance of this mission he is responsible for.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
-
Thank you for your kind review and suggestions... Mel.
Comment from Rondeno
Very satisfying. You have taken a real historical event, and woven a supporting mesh of "faction", bringing it to life for the modern reader. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
|
Very satisfying. You have taken a real historical event, and woven a supporting mesh of "faction", bringing it to life for the modern reader. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
-
Thank you Rondeno, for your kind review and staying with the story to the end... Mel.
Comment from hubba marwa
Great ! Great ! Great !
Very nice piece of writing.The choice of words is awesome,hope to see the next chapters as well !
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
|
Great ! Great ! Great !
Very nice piece of writing.The choice of words is awesome,hope to see the next chapters as well !
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
-
Thank you for your kind review... Mel.
-
Pleasure
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very interesting fictional account that sounds believable. You clearly did your homework to write this. Spider webs in wounds? Wonder why... must look that one up myself!
You really need an editor if you are ever going to publish something. You break a lot of punctuation and sentence rules. I will take the time to mention just one. Here is the rule, first, pasted from my short essay here called Grammar Rules: http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=559296
Common Comma Errors
1. Never separate a subject from its predicate with a single comma. Sometimes a pair of commas may be used to surround a modifying word or phrase, but never ever just one comma.
Examples
Wrong: The biggest problem for new writers, is that grammar is no longer taught in schools.
Right: The biggest problem for new writers is that grammar is no longer taught in schools.
Right: The biggest problem for new writers, aside from lack of ideas, is that grammar is no longer taught in schools.
NOTE that this is true for both sentences and independent clauses of compound sentences (those with AND or BUT connecting two "sentences" into one sentence).
________
Two of the places where you need to follow this rule:
The little hovel where they find the murdered old man, is set on fire as a matter of course.
Eudeyrn, is in a bad way for the hours he spent being jolted about in the cart has only made him worse.
________
Also, you need to study ALL the rules for commas and learn how to correctly use semi-colons. Here is a great site that will help a lot:
http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/tips.htm
Try to construct sentences where all the ideas fit together. Many of yours are broken up in the wrong places or not at all.
The info you need is ALL on the web, easily googled. Do some homework on sentence structure and rules of punctuation and you will be a really good writer. As it is, I'd have to give this only four stars. But I'm making it five because the ADVICE is what matters, not those stupid stars! :)
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
|
Very interesting fictional account that sounds believable. You clearly did your homework to write this. Spider webs in wounds? Wonder why... must look that one up myself!
You really need an editor if you are ever going to publish something. You break a lot of punctuation and sentence rules. I will take the time to mention just one. Here is the rule, first, pasted from my short essay here called Grammar Rules: http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=559296
Common Comma Errors
1. Never separate a subject from its predicate with a single comma. Sometimes a pair of commas may be used to surround a modifying word or phrase, but never ever just one comma.
Examples
Wrong: The biggest problem for new writers, is that grammar is no longer taught in schools.
Right: The biggest problem for new writers is that grammar is no longer taught in schools.
Right: The biggest problem for new writers, aside from lack of ideas, is that grammar is no longer taught in schools.
NOTE that this is true for both sentences and independent clauses of compound sentences (those with AND or BUT connecting two "sentences" into one sentence).
________
Two of the places where you need to follow this rule:
The little hovel where they find the murdered old man, is set on fire as a matter of course.
Eudeyrn, is in a bad way for the hours he spent being jolted about in the cart has only made him worse.
________
Also, you need to study ALL the rules for commas and learn how to correctly use semi-colons. Here is a great site that will help a lot:
http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/tips.htm
Try to construct sentences where all the ideas fit together. Many of yours are broken up in the wrong places or not at all.
The info you need is ALL on the web, easily googled. Do some homework on sentence structure and rules of punctuation and you will be a really good writer. As it is, I'd have to give this only four stars. But I'm making it five because the ADVICE is what matters, not those stupid stars! :)
Comment Written 15-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
-
Thank you Phyllis, for taking the time to write this brilliant review.
Sorry for the delay in replying. Didn't quite know how to respond. I will continue with a private message...Mel.
Comment from c_lucas
Treachery is defeated by releasing false information. This is very well written with an interesting words. You have did an excellent job.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
 |
Treachery is defeated by releasing false information. This is very well written with an interesting words. You have did an excellent job.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
-
Thank you Charlie, for following the story to the end and the six stars... Mel.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from megg_2020
I really liked this excerpt for this book. I am curious though, how much research did you do before attempting to write this book? I'm always curious about novelists and what let's them attempt a novel. Looking forward to reading more from you.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
|
I really liked this excerpt for this book. I am curious though, how much research did you do before attempting to write this book? I'm always curious about novelists and what let's them attempt a novel. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
-
Thank you megg, for your kind review. I have never read the classical accounts written by Caesar or anyone else. Only the facts as they are available. I have just been accused of being influenced by by them. My way of writing is to get inside the head of the main character and figure it out from there... Mel.
Comment from Tithonus50
A great tale of action and adventure, with informed historical entertainment as well as great fluidity with the rest of the chapters. A slight bit of editing needed, but an interesting read nonetheless.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
|
A great tale of action and adventure, with informed historical entertainment as well as great fluidity with the rest of the chapters. A slight bit of editing needed, but an interesting read nonetheless.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2012
-
Thank you for your kind review...Mel.
