Chasing the Elusive Dream
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "You Really Do See Stars"A southern couple's journey in the 60's,70's & 80'
41 total reviews
Comment from Jeff Flaig
The writing and dialogue was natural and believable. I did pause at a few of the dialogue tags, but I think everyone has their opinion regarding those. I'm not an expert, so take please that with a grain of salt.
Thank you for the read...
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2022
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The writing and dialogue was natural and believable. I did pause at a few of the dialogue tags, but I think everyone has their opinion regarding those. I'm not an expert, so take please that with a grain of salt.
Thank you for the read...
Comment Written 02-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2022
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Thank you Jeff, I really appreciate you going back and reading this one. When I reading, I never notice tags being on dialogue, but sometimes I'm stopped by the fact there was no tag and I have go back to figure out who was speaking. If there are only two people, I guess they aren't really needed.
Beth
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was a good story about your attempt to move in so short a time. Our renter was piling her stuff against the south walls of all our rooms as we shoved ours to the north wall and our daughter claimed she was in labor and left a 2 and 3-year-old with us. I felt your pain as I read your story. And I do believe you see stars.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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This was a good story about your attempt to move in so short a time. Our renter was piling her stuff against the south walls of all our rooms as we shoved ours to the north wall and our daughter claimed she was in labor and left a 2 and 3-year-old with us. I felt your pain as I read your story. And I do believe you see stars.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you Carol. It sound like you have a story to tell about the incident with your renting trying move in with your daughter in labor.
I appreciate the review and the stars.
Beth
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Your son Don was a very good natured kid, sleeping in the den all those years, and complaining so little! But as families, we do make compromises. My mother (divorced from my father) slept in the living room for many years, while my brother and I each had our own bedroom; then, when we moved into a one-bedroom apartment, she let me (as the eldest child) have the only bedroom, while my brother slept in the foyer. When I went off to college, she gave the bedroom to him. She was very kind and generous, and always has been.
Here's my list of suggestions:
We paid only $12,500 for the house we had,
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We'd paid only $12,500 for the house we had,
"We may be able to swing it. I think the bank will loan us enough ...
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"We may be able to swing it. I think the bank will loan us enough, ...
we're still going to be stuck with the $90 a month mortgage on this one," Evan said frowning.
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we're still going to be stuck with the $90 monthly mortgage on this one," Evan said, frowning.
Why don't we try renting this house out ...
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Why don't we try renting this house out, ...
Let's get in touch with an agent to handle renting it while they are building our house."
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Let's get in touch with an agent to handle renting it, while they are building our house."
It was exciting picking out tile, carpet and appliances ...
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It was exciting picking out tiles, carpet and appliances ...
Almost every evening after work, We drove to the building site ...
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Almost every evening after work, we drove to the building site ...
Evan studied our contract and made sure he stuck to it ...
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Evan studied our contract and made sure he stuck to it, ...
"This is probably this best opportunity to rent this house you'll get,"
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"This is probably the best opportunity to rent this house you'll get,"
We checked and found we could go ahead and move in ...
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We checked and found we could go ahead and move in, ...
"It will take us that long just to clean out the closets. "I've got all those dishes to pack,
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"It will take us that long just to clean out the closets. I've got all those dishes to pack,
The foyer living room, dining room, and kitchen were on the main level.
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The foyer, living room, dining room, and kitchen were on the main level.
Don sat up quickly looking dazed.
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Don sat up quickly, looking dazed.
***
You really ended this story with a bang! ;-)
It's a good thing Don had a sense of humor, and also that he wasn't hurt too badly.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Your son Don was a very good natured kid, sleeping in the den all those years, and complaining so little! But as families, we do make compromises. My mother (divorced from my father) slept in the living room for many years, while my brother and I each had our own bedroom; then, when we moved into a one-bedroom apartment, she let me (as the eldest child) have the only bedroom, while my brother slept in the foyer. When I went off to college, she gave the bedroom to him. She was very kind and generous, and always has been.
Here's my list of suggestions:
We paid only $12,500 for the house we had,
-->
We'd paid only $12,500 for the house we had,
"We may be able to swing it. I think the bank will loan us enough ...
-->
"We may be able to swing it. I think the bank will loan us enough, ...
we're still going to be stuck with the $90 a month mortgage on this one," Evan said frowning.
-->
we're still going to be stuck with the $90 monthly mortgage on this one," Evan said, frowning.
Why don't we try renting this house out ...
-->
Why don't we try renting this house out, ...
Let's get in touch with an agent to handle renting it while they are building our house."
-->
Let's get in touch with an agent to handle renting it, while they are building our house."
It was exciting picking out tile, carpet and appliances ...
-->
It was exciting picking out tiles, carpet and appliances ...
Almost every evening after work, We drove to the building site ...
-->
Almost every evening after work, we drove to the building site ...
Evan studied our contract and made sure he stuck to it ...
-->
Evan studied our contract and made sure he stuck to it, ...
"This is probably this best opportunity to rent this house you'll get,"
-->
"This is probably the best opportunity to rent this house you'll get,"
We checked and found we could go ahead and move in ...
-->
We checked and found we could go ahead and move in, ...
"It will take us that long just to clean out the closets. "I've got all those dishes to pack,
-->
"It will take us that long just to clean out the closets. I've got all those dishes to pack,
The foyer living room, dining room, and kitchen were on the main level.
-->
The foyer, living room, dining room, and kitchen were on the main level.
Don sat up quickly looking dazed.
-->
Don sat up quickly, looking dazed.
***
You really ended this story with a bang! ;-)
It's a good thing Don had a sense of humor, and also that he wasn't hurt too badly.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Mary Kay. I didn't realize there was so much to be corrected on this story. You are the perfect editor. I can't feel okay about my stories unless you been over them. I really hope things are getting better in your live and your mothers.
Beth
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You're very welcome, Beth. Thank you for your kind wishes and prayers, and also for the lovely compliment. God bless you! Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good job. Thanks for writing
with a agent to - an agent
and get hurt bad. - some might want badly hurt, but I like it your way.
Still I was concerned - comma after still?
Best of luck.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Good job. Thanks for writing
with a agent to - an agent
and get hurt bad. - some might want badly hurt, but I like it your way.
Still I was concerned - comma after still?
Best of luck.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Thanks for the review, Wayne. I also appreciate you noticing things that might need some editing.
Beth
Comment from lyenochka
I remember your story from the more recent accounting. Whew! So glad Don was alright. Ah, boys! My in-laws always looked for a house near a hospital because my husband always needed the ER for something! Lol.
Enjoyed the way you did the dialogue between you and Evan and how you worked things out with financial decisions. That's a real strength in a marriage.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I remember your story from the more recent accounting. Whew! So glad Don was alright. Ah, boys! My in-laws always looked for a house near a hospital because my husband always needed the ER for something! Lol.
Enjoyed the way you did the dialogue between you and Evan and how you worked things out with financial decisions. That's a real strength in a marriage.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much Helen. I hope I'm not confusing people by posting two versions with different time-frames of my story. I want to try to do something with the earlier one, but my kids don't want to stop writing the later one.
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I like them both! 💖
Comment from Ric Myworld
These days people run to the hospital for every little thing. But back when I was a kid, they never took us to the doctor or the hospital. Even on the times they really should have. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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These days people run to the hospital for every little thing. But back when I was a kid, they never took us to the doctor or the hospital. Even on the times they really should have. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thanks Ric, You are right but If I'd had a way to take him, I might have had him checked out, that time. He was sort of excited about having seen stars. I assumed maybe the knot would go down with a little ice on it.
Beth
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Yeah...Whenever a person or family moves, there has to be some
deep planning. You must write from your life's experiences. For,
you paint such a vivid picture. Keep Writing. And Stay Connected
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Yeah...Whenever a person or family moves, there has to be some
deep planning. You must write from your life's experiences. For,
you paint such a vivid picture. Keep Writing. And Stay Connected
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the review and comments. I think you may be new to my post. I 'm glad you read my story. I do write from my own life. I hope you read more.
Beth
Comment from Gert sherwood
You Really Do See Stars
BethShelby,
a well written story of the woes of building a new home renting your house, sounding like was an ordeal (which it was). Beth you wrote this story, like pro would
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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You Really Do See Stars
BethShelby,
a well written story of the woes of building a new home renting your house, sounding like was an ordeal (which it was). Beth you wrote this story, like pro would
Gert
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you Gert. I like being called a pro. Too bad I don't get paid like one. LOL
Beth
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You are welcome Beth.
to me you should look into becoming a pro writer
Gert
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What an ordeal that move was, Beth. You did a great job describing it. I believe those renters who changed their minds were rude and wrong. Your new house sounded like a great one despite all the issues. The last comment from don sounded just like a young boy would say after an incident like he experienced.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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What an ordeal that move was, Beth. You did a great job describing it. I believe those renters who changed their minds were rude and wrong. Your new house sounded like a great one despite all the issues. The last comment from don sounded just like a young boy would say after an incident like he experienced.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you Jan. It was a frustrating time for us, but we got past it and things worked our. It was relief to have gotten the furniture moved and the house in pretty good shape as fast as we did.
Beth
Comment from royowen
My, my, you had some adventures as you children were growing up. Fortunately we've only bought one house, we have been living in it for the last 45 years, we had to sell, Elaine's parents pave after they died, but the neighbours we had next door made an offer, and was exactly the price God had told me. Beautifully written Beth, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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My, my, you had some adventures as you children were growing up. Fortunately we've only bought one house, we have been living in it for the last 45 years, we had to sell, Elaine's parents pave after they died, but the neighbours we had next door made an offer, and was exactly the price God had told me. Beautifully written Beth, blessings Roy
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much for a great review. Moving is quite a job. I've moved at least eight time after my husband and I got married and I'm sure at some point I'll need to move again because I alone in a huge house with four bedrooms and a lot of other rooms. I don't want to move again but I don't need such a large house.
Beth
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The same with us
