The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "THE PROPOSAL"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
32 total reviews
Comment from Dashjianta
So this is how he ended up getting involved. Very interesting. I liked the image of Sarisa hanging through the skin and pulling Doctrex through, and the hints of the deeper world still to be revealed. Doctrex's questions about Klea's symptoms, though he doesn't understand why he's asking, and the hints that the family knows there's more to Sarisa, but don't want to reveal it Doctrex because they're unaware he already knows.
Sounds like Doctrex has a large chunk of natural charm, to win over Klasco enough for him to trust the lives of his wife and children to him (Doctrex) and one meal together.
I have one concern though, and that's that the family come across as too accepting. Sarisa's acceptance is expected because she pulled him through, and Klea's suspicion is well conveyed, but for a mother to find her daughter with a strange man and invite him to dine with them...but now I'm thinking about it I'm thinking this could be a symptom of the downside to light without dark, no instinct to distrust. Although...would the tales of Pomnots and the fear of coming war counteract that fear to some degree? (sorry, thinking out loud now) Would Klasco not wonder what happened to the pack Doctrex claimed to have had, or how Doctrex is feeding himself with no equipment, or something? Some little thing Doctrex can fend off with another tale?
Don't know if any of that's helpful--just what went through my head after I read it really.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014
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So this is how he ended up getting involved. Very interesting. I liked the image of Sarisa hanging through the skin and pulling Doctrex through, and the hints of the deeper world still to be revealed. Doctrex's questions about Klea's symptoms, though he doesn't understand why he's asking, and the hints that the family knows there's more to Sarisa, but don't want to reveal it Doctrex because they're unaware he already knows.
Sounds like Doctrex has a large chunk of natural charm, to win over Klasco enough for him to trust the lives of his wife and children to him (Doctrex) and one meal together.
I have one concern though, and that's that the family come across as too accepting. Sarisa's acceptance is expected because she pulled him through, and Klea's suspicion is well conveyed, but for a mother to find her daughter with a strange man and invite him to dine with them...but now I'm thinking about it I'm thinking this could be a symptom of the downside to light without dark, no instinct to distrust. Although...would the tales of Pomnots and the fear of coming war counteract that fear to some degree? (sorry, thinking out loud now) Would Klasco not wonder what happened to the pack Doctrex claimed to have had, or how Doctrex is feeding himself with no equipment, or something? Some little thing Doctrex can fend off with another tale?
Don't know if any of that's helpful--just what went through my head after I read it really.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014
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Remember the Kabeezans are a pacific people. They are extremely trusting. Axtilla was banished from her people when she tried to alert them that if they didn't prepare to defend themselves they would be defeated by the dark force led by Glnot Rhuether.
Thank you, Alex, for going out of your way to read the background to The Trining. You are SOOOO appreciated!
Comment from poetbear
Great characters and plot.
Write it as a teleplay and shop it around.
Sounds like it could be produced.
Excellent writing and technique.
Sorry I never read you before but I will now.
WOW!!
reply by the author on 26-May-2014
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Great characters and plot.
Write it as a teleplay and shop it around.
Sounds like it could be produced.
Excellent writing and technique.
Sorry I never read you before but I will now.
WOW!!
Comment Written 26-May-2014
reply by the author on 26-May-2014
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Poetbear, you like poetry (I'm gathering from your handle). You might get a kick out of my poem (I revived it) "Irreligious Fly Upon the Wall." I'll start checking out your work as well. If you are into "The Trining", as a suggestion, if you just read the summaries starting with chapter 2 it will give you a feel for it and you can read them as they post every few days.
I really appreciate your interest.
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Sure and I will.
Maddy ( aka Poetbear)
Comment from Norbanus
Fascinating dialogue, Jay, where, Doctrex leads the conversation to learns as he goes. To make the first story believable he now has to concoct a new one to to convince the others that he is Klasco's brother. That's how lies work in the real world, too.
reply by the author on 12-May-2014
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Fascinating dialogue, Jay, where, Doctrex leads the conversation to learns as he goes. To make the first story believable he now has to concoct a new one to to convince the others that he is Klasco's brother. That's how lies work in the real world, too.
Comment Written 12-May-2014
reply by the author on 12-May-2014
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Kinda scary isn't it? What kind of protag is he? I think it will all come together in an odd sort of way as the novel progresses. I hope you're around to see it.
Comment from Tina McKala
Interesting twist here. Is Doctrex going to meet Glnot Rhuether? I'm sure looking forward to his trip with Klasco. :)
[Doctrex] mused, aloud, thinking of Axtilla again // I mused -- break of POV vs. narrator
gave me a smile and [them] a squeeze before releasing them // then - jus ta small typo
reply by the author on 12-May-2014
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Interesting twist here. Is Doctrex going to meet Glnot Rhuether? I'm sure looking forward to his trip with Klasco. :)
[Doctrex] mused, aloud, thinking of Axtilla again // I mused -- break of POV vs. narrator
gave me a smile and [them] a squeeze before releasing them // then - jus ta small typo
Comment Written 12-May-2014
reply by the author on 12-May-2014
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I'll go back and take a look at this, Tina. And, bless you for keeping your eye so close to the words. I'm pasting these to word and checking them out later on. Please come back. I need you.
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I'm not going anywhere :) you're one of five people I keep on reading here :)
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Jay Squires
A good chapter to your story, the interplay of the characters is realistic, though Doctrex is 'winging' it and risks exposure. Interesting place to leave the story with him concocting a new 'story' to pass himself off as Klascos brother.
Nicely done, now spag spotted.
Patrick
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Hi Jay Squires
A good chapter to your story, the interplay of the characters is realistic, though Doctrex is 'winging' it and risks exposure. Interesting place to leave the story with him concocting a new 'story' to pass himself off as Klascos brother.
Nicely done, now spag spotted.
Patrick
Comment Written 11-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Thanks, Patrick. So glad you stopped by and read it. Their friendship gets strained next chapter. Hope to see you back.
Comment from Ritsal
Doctrex is really gonna enlist or is this a ploy to go out and look for Axtilla? What will we do about Klea? So many questions and enough plot twists for a pretzel factory. :) I love this story and it captures my interest and just keeps pulling me along. Your writing reminds me of the author of my favorite fantasy novel, "Ice" by Shane Johnson. If you ever take a break from writing and have time to read, I can send it to you. I think you'd like it.
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Doctrex is really gonna enlist or is this a ploy to go out and look for Axtilla? What will we do about Klea? So many questions and enough plot twists for a pretzel factory. :) I love this story and it captures my interest and just keeps pulling me along. Your writing reminds me of the author of my favorite fantasy novel, "Ice" by Shane Johnson. If you ever take a break from writing and have time to read, I can send it to you. I think you'd like it.
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 11-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Rita, thank you for your continuing interest. Fantasy is a new genre for me. Just curious, how would you send me "Ice". Do you have it on Kindle. I know there's a way to loan them from Amazon. You got my curiosity, though. Geeze, stupid me! I just realized you honored me with a 6er!!! Thanks, Rita.
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I don't have it on my Kindle but have a hard copy I can mail if you PM me with an address.
Rita
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Rita, I can't accept your generous offer. I can buy another of his books on kindle for just a couple of bucks and it would cost you more than that to mail it to me. But, I do want you to know how I appreciate your thoughtfulness. By the way, did he write the Star Trek novels? Thanks again. You da bomb!
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I don't know about the Star Trek novels, but he is a spaceflight historian. I also read his novel, The Last Guardian, and enjoyed it, but not as much as Ice. The Foreward was written by an Apollo 16 module pilot. I found the book a real page-turner. I don't mind mailing the book if you change your mind. But, I understand you may prefer to read it on Kindle. I used mine extensively until I broke the five-way button. :O
Best wishes,
Rita
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I have a heard time remembering how to turn the pages of a paperback. I keep touching the right hand margin ... Once again, thanks for your offer. I won't be reading any fantasy until I get this "to bed", since I don't want to be influenced.
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LOL
Comment from Verusha
You write with very vivid descriptions and I can pretty much see the scenes play out in my head.
I also love how you describe at times what the characters are doing after they speak. It makes them come alive.
Well done.
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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You write with very vivid descriptions and I can pretty much see the scenes play out in my head.
I also love how you describe at times what the characters are doing after they speak. It makes them come alive.
Well done.
Comment Written 11-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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You've told me what every writer wants to here above all other things: that the words that came out of my head created images in your mind with movement and feeling. You've made me proud--yet, when I look at what I have left to do, so humble. Thanks, my friend. Hope you come back often.
Comment from Liandra
This story is very intriguing, it keeps my mind questioning the events and then as I read further, understanding seeps in. Dialogue and description keep the story flowing well, and eager for the next chapter.
Thanks for sharing, Jay,
:) LIandra
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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This story is very intriguing, it keeps my mind questioning the events and then as I read further, understanding seeps in. Dialogue and description keep the story flowing well, and eager for the next chapter.
Thanks for sharing, Jay,
:) LIandra
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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I'm happy to hear the understanding starts seeping in. That lets me know I'm doing my job.
Comment from Chrisfiore
Greetings Jay Squires,
Well, indeed the plot thickens! Doctrex off to battle and missing his companion, Axtilla makes one wonder if they will meet again? And the clever Klea! Will she disrupt the plan? I look forward to the next chapter. Good job. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Greetings Jay Squires,
Well, indeed the plot thickens! Doctrex off to battle and missing his companion, Axtilla makes one wonder if they will meet again? And the clever Klea! Will she disrupt the plan? I look forward to the next chapter. Good job. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you, Chris. It is so rewarding having you aboard. You are appreciated.
Comment from Ric Myworld
This might be the quickest friendship ever formed, but somehow it seems to be mutual and sincere. I'm concerned about how Doctrex is still going to find Axtilla, or if he'll just leave her in the other zone. Thanks for another interesting chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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This might be the quickest friendship ever formed, but somehow it seems to be mutual and sincere. I'm concerned about how Doctrex is still going to find Axtilla, or if he'll just leave her in the other zone. Thanks for another interesting chapter. :-)
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thanks, Ric. No, Doctrex won't leave her there if he can do anything about it. Yes it does make one wonder about the "magic" of Klasco's and Doctrex's friendship.