Comment from Dashjianta

Excellent

That was a roundabout way to get to the fact he'd lost his memory--entertaining though. And interesting reaction to mention of the Trining.

Nit:
I made (a) mental note.

 Comment Written 27-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2014

Thank you so much, Alex. I was really feeling bad thinking you were missing Thanksgiving to read my chapters. Then I realized you don't celebrate Thanksgiving there--at least on the same day.

reply by Dashjianta on 28-Nov-2014

Yes. No Thanksgiving for us. Hope you had a good time.

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Hello Jay,

Your saga is coming along very well indeed.

So Doctrex has feelings for Axtillia ... hmm!

Good dialogue. I sympathized with Klasco's puzzlement.

You have created some ingenious words ... pondria .. :)!

Sonali


and buffed smooth(,) or it was worn smooth from years

 Comment Written 14-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thank you for the suggestion, Sonali and the kind words. I'm breaking the next chapter into two parts, so I won't be able to promote them as energetically. Please keep your eyes open for them. They'll be a few days apart.

reply by Selina Stambi on 14-May-2014

I applaud the decision to go with shorter postings. Sometimes the length could deter a good review.

reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Well, it would be over 4,000 words if not cut in two. What's missing is the cliff-hanger effect at the end of Part 1. Also, I'm afraid I won't have the time to promote each chapter the way I have.

Thanks for your input on that question. I appreciate it.

Comment from Liandra

Exceptional

This chapter is awesome. Your description and dialogue show the world Doctrex is surviving, and his frustration of not knowing his past. The way you describe the horses creates a clear picture, as with the countryside, and especially his emotional outburst.
The way Doctrex describes his situation, which he explains, is like a dream, he can only remember bits and pieces, is very well written.
It's a nightmare he's living!

Wonderful imagination, Jay,

:) Liandra

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

Oh, Liandra, you know how to make a person's day! I'm glad you were able to see through all the dialogue and little actual action to the nightmare he's in. Liandra, I'm really touched by the 6 star rating. You are appreciated!

reply by Liandra on 13-May-2014

You are welcome, my friend. The world you are creating and have created, is beyond imagination, and in a way, shows that not everything is how it appears to be. Even the world we live in now, there are alternate levels of dimensions, which the majority aren't aware of.
I'm loving this adventure.

:) Liandra

reply by the author on 13-May-2014

And, I'm loving you loving it! Keep coming back!

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

Now I am getting the meat of your story, I can now follow the thread of events clearly. This chapter cleared some loose ends for me and now the story flowed smoothly, decluttering events of too many back stories that sometimes confused me. I enjoyed this one. Well done.

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

There'll be some more clearing out next chapter, which will explain, among other things, the weird language non-barrier.

Comment from krprice

Excellent

Delete unnecessary 'that's.'

At the bottom. . . I made my way. . . shirt, splashed. . . stomach, and

In a series of words, phrases, or clauses, a comma is put before the and.

Good chapter.

Karlene

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

Thanks, Karlene, as always.

Comment from dreamin'

Excellent

Hi Jay,
This is really moving along. I can't say it was the most exciting chapter so far, but sometimes that needs to happen to give the reader and the characters a respite.

I liked that Klasco is being wary. Doctrex is tossing around a lot words that mean little to him, but not to the others. I'll be very interested to hear what Klasco has to say about the Trining.

Thanks again.
I always look forward to receiving a message that something new is available.

Debbie

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

Thanks, Debbie. True about a bit less excitement this chapter. I'm working on the next one now that continues along with this. But don't leave so soon, it will explain a few things that will have you saying, Ah-ha! Everything can't have the excitement of Paris, you know, LOL!

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I continue to be involved and engaged with your story and I continue to enjoy it. I feel pleased that the truth is out because it seems to make a level playing field in the story. Certainly it seems to flow well with excellent quality of presentation, Giddy

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 12-May-2014

Thank you, Giddy, for another fine review. You make me feel like it's all worthwhile. Yes, I think his relationship with Klasco is developing nicely, if not always smoothly. Hope to have you aboard next time.

Comment from Ritsal

Excellent

This was a surprise. Doctrex admitting to his fraudulent behavior, beating Klea to the punch. Interested to see how Klasco uses the information. Good chapter.

Just a couple of possible edits:

field of rich black sod - sod or soil? sod usually grass

He interrupted his humming to grin at me.

"No, Klasco, I'm more convinced than ever, this is where you belong."--this reads like Klasco should be speaking. I had to read a a couple of times to figure out it was Doctrex

Was there anyplace - any place

Best wishes,
Rita

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 12-May-2014

Good! Good catches, Rita. See what kind of farmer I am. I didn't know sod refers to grass. I added to the "He interrupted his humming to grin at me," with "His words weren't necessary."

I followed with "No, Klasco," I smiled, shaking my head. "I'm more convinced than ever, this is where you belong."

reply by Ritsal on 12-May-2014

Perfect. You're an author--not a farmer! :)

Comment from Loren (7)

Excellent

Good use of the wagon as a "vehicle" to allow the men to be together their conversations. The crossans came to life with your descriptions of their mannerisms.

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 12-May-2014

Ah! You mentioned my description of the crossans. I really wanted them to come to life for the reader. The crossan will play more a part than you might think as the novel progresses. Bless you, Loren, for coming back. I love my loyal readers.

Comment from Auroraboreal800

Excellent

Here I am again... Well, I think the narrative and dialogues as well are just wonderful. These are the type of stories I really enjoy because its originality.
Great job Jay!
:)

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 12-May-2014

Aurora (Is that your real name? -- Never mind, but I just can't believe that Borea goes with it as your last -- never mind! Just being nosy. Thank you, none the less, as usual for your always wonderful reviews. You are awesome!

reply by Auroraboreal800 on 12-May-2014

Auroraboreal is my nickname, my real name is Alba Pugh. Regards, :)

reply by the author on 12-May-2014

Thanks, Alba -- that's a beautiful name.