The Bruised Ego
I wrote a rhyming story using a short story prompt36 total reviews
Comment from Katie Mae Dead
Love this Joan. I love the theme as I'm a King Arthur/medieval connesuer. Great story with excellent rhymes. I didn't catch any metro but neither does my fave..."Into the valley of death rode the six hundred" This reminded me of that poem.
Great job and good luck.
Katiemaedead
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
Love this Joan. I love the theme as I'm a King Arthur/medieval connesuer. Great story with excellent rhymes. I didn't catch any metro but neither does my fave..."Into the valley of death rode the six hundred" This reminded me of that poem.
Great job and good luck.
Katiemaedead
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
-
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am honored you think it spends like a famous poem.
Joan
Comment from Eleri
I am sure that I have heard this story many times before, or something similar, in may different formats including poetry. Your poem is generally good and tells the story well.The rhyming is good except in the UK saying some one is pissed means that he or she is drunk. I'm sure you did not mean that here. The only thing that I would change is the metre as it varies substantially throughout the poem and makes it choppy when read out loud. As poems telling stories, or ballads as I think they are called, were oral entertainment, it pays to make the metre fairly constant if possible through most of the poem.
Good luck in the contest
Eleri
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
I am sure that I have heard this story many times before, or something similar, in may different formats including poetry. Your poem is generally good and tells the story well.The rhyming is good except in the UK saying some one is pissed means that he or she is drunk. I'm sure you did not mean that here. The only thing that I would change is the metre as it varies substantially throughout the poem and makes it choppy when read out loud. As poems telling stories, or ballads as I think they are called, were oral entertainment, it pays to make the metre fairly constant if possible through most of the poem.
Good luck in the contest
Eleri
Comment Written 28-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
-
Hi Eleri,
Thanks for the honest and constructive criticism. I the U.S., pissed means angry. This is an old poem and sadly it didn't place in the contest.
Joan
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent story in a poem. I enjoyed reading it. Your entire story presentation is good. You use descriptive words that draw in a reader and made him or her think.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
This is an excellent story in a poem. I enjoyed reading it. Your entire story presentation is good. You use descriptive words that draw in a reader and made him or her think.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2023
-
Thanks for the kind comments and generous rating, Alexandra.
Joan
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a good lesson for all those who think they are unbeatable. That this knight lost to a young woman, was a double blow to his ego. And that was excellent. Well done, Joan, I really enjoyed your story written in a poem. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
That was a good lesson for all those who think they are unbeatable. That this knight lost to a young woman, was a double blow to his ego. And that was excellent. Well done, Joan, I really enjoyed your story written in a poem. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
-
Thanks for your continued support, Sandra. I truly appreciate your time and comments. It was fun to write.
Joan
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Joan!
Much enjoyed story in a poem.
And I must share that had I lived in the days of which you write, well, I may have been the young girl for I was my father's "only son" in more ways than one!
"An ego's view is never true" = wise words, indeed!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
Hello, Joan!
Much enjoyed story in a poem.
And I must share that had I lived in the days of which you write, well, I may have been the young girl for I was my father's "only son" in more ways than one!
"An ego's view is never true" = wise words, indeed!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
-
Hi Diane
I appreciate the review and I think I can see you with a bow and arrow.
Joan
-
Oh!
Now that would be a vision to behold, Joan!
:) :) :)
Comment from jake cosmos aller
great epic narrative poem about a medieval tournament and the humiliation of of a champion archer who met his match in a young woman archer well done
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
great epic narrative poem about a medieval tournament and the humiliation of of a champion archer who met his match in a young woman archer well done
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
-
I appreciate you commenting on my post.
I am glad you liked it.
Joan
Comment from JSD
Wow. A blast from your past. Must have been quite groundbreaking back then but now you will find few detractors for your message. A really well structured and assured piece of poetry. Well done.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
Wow. A blast from your past. Must have been quite groundbreaking back then but now you will find few detractors for your message. A really well structured and assured piece of poetry. Well done.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
-
Thanks for such positive comments, John. Glad you enjoyed this tale from the past.
Joan
Comment from Terry Broxson
I am woman, hear me roar! This young woman knows too much to pretend. Helen Reddy would be proud. I thought the presentation of the man who lost was excellent. His ego caused him to lose, but he realized it in the end. Very well done. Terry.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
I am woman, hear me roar! This young woman knows too much to pretend. Helen Reddy would be proud. I thought the presentation of the man who lost was excellent. His ego caused him to lose, but he realized it in the end. Very well done. Terry.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2023
-
Terry,
I enjoyed this witty review. I liked that song when it came out and it does fit this poem.
Joan
Comment from Mario PIERRE
This is a very thoroughly written poem, te rhyme pattern is excellent and the story quite telling: a proper lesson in humility!!! I like the originality and the fast paced style.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
This is a very thoroughly written poem, te rhyme pattern is excellent and the story quite telling: a proper lesson in humility!!! I like the originality and the fast paced style.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Thanks for the thorough and encouraging review, Mario.
Joan
Comment from susand3022
Hi,
I like this little story. I'm a big fan of Once Upon A Time, so my mind jumped right to Robin, daughter of Robin Hood (and the Wicked Witch). (Don't know if you're a watcher).
She would have had the courage to show up at a tourney too.
Not something just any woman would have had the courage to do in that time.
A fun write!
Susan :)
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
Hi,
I like this little story. I'm a big fan of Once Upon A Time, so my mind jumped right to Robin, daughter of Robin Hood (and the Wicked Witch). (Don't know if you're a watcher).
She would have had the courage to show up at a tourney too.
Not something just any woman would have had the courage to do in that time.
A fun write!
Susan :)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2023
-
Hi Susan,
Thanks for the nice review and the generous rating. Yes, I am a fan of "Once Upon a Time". Someone else said it reminded her of "Brave".
It was written before both of those came out.
Joan