The Bruised Ego
I wrote a rhyming story using a short story prompt36 total reviews
Comment from Boogienights
What a great story. I love that the hero in this story is a woman and and a wonderful marksman to boot. The men in those olden days wouldn't let a woman rule or win, so kudos to her. Thank you for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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What a great story. I love that the hero in this story is a woman and and a wonderful marksman to boot. The men in those olden days wouldn't let a woman rule or win, so kudos to her. Thank you for sharing. :)
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks
dp
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
This is an interesting story! It took quite a turn when sexism came up at the end. lol The man was gracious even though he was pissed - many men/boys are pissed when a girl beats them, but I think it's getting more rare nowadays for their ego to be so easily bruised. And speaking of bruised egos, you title your poem perfectly!
Thank you for sharing,
Susan
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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This is an interesting story! It took quite a turn when sexism came up at the end. lol The man was gracious even though he was pissed - many men/boys are pissed when a girl beats them, but I think it's getting more rare nowadays for their ego to be so easily bruised. And speaking of bruised egos, you title your poem perfectly!
Thank you for sharing,
Susan
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the throrough and positive review. I think you are right.
Joan
Comment from Carol Clark2
This is a nice rendition of a classic story in poetic form. The end rhyme is great; you might modify the rhythm in a spot or two, but overall this is a good contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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This is a nice rendition of a classic story in poetic form. The end rhyme is great; you might modify the rhythm in a spot or two, but overall this is a good contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reading and reviewing and the possible editing advice.
dp
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You're welcome.
Comment from Leann DS
I love this story! It has been told before, but you put a nice twist on it with your well rhymed lines and rhythm. I knew what was going to happen, but it was still enjoyable because of your well chosen and vivid words. it's awesome! Hugs.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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I love this story! It has been told before, but you put a nice twist on it with your well rhymed lines and rhythm. I knew what was going to happen, but it was still enjoyable because of your well chosen and vivid words. it's awesome! Hugs.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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I appreciate your raves. Thanks
dp
Comment from Jenny Kartchner
Thank you for sharing this outstanding poem. I think the title certainly fits the story. It is very clever and shouts out to me, "Girl Power"! Wishing you the best in your future writing.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thank you for sharing this outstanding poem. I think the title certainly fits the story. It is very clever and shouts out to me, "Girl Power"! Wishing you the best in your future writing.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thanks for the review of this old poem and for the wishes for future writing.
dp
Comment from Taurus the Elder
Very good. A good way to turn a classic tale into a poem. Technically sound, good rhyme scheme, easy enjoyable read. Great job, wishing you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Very good. A good way to turn a classic tale into a poem. Technically sound, good rhyme scheme, easy enjoyable read. Great job, wishing you success in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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THanks for taking the time to read and review this story poem. I am happy you enjoyed it.
dp
Comment from Louise Michelle
You did a top notch job with this story in a poem. It's not something everyone can pull off, but you selected your rhyming words well, which carried this through from start to finish. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 06-May-2020
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You did a top notch job with this story in a poem. It's not something everyone can pull off, but you selected your rhyming words well, which carried this through from start to finish. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 06-May-2020
reply by the author on 06-May-2020
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Thanks, Lou, for the kind remarks and all the stars.
Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story/poem about the pride of man that can sometimes blind him for the obvious and before he knows his own pride and ego leads to his downfall
reply by the author on 06-May-2020
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A very well-written story/poem about the pride of man that can sometimes blind him for the obvious and before he knows his own pride and ego leads to his downfall
Comment Written 05-May-2020
reply by the author on 06-May-2020
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Thank you very much, Sandra, for the nice review.
Joan
Comment from royowen
This is an excellent poem Joan, yes, emotion indeed plays a huge role in competition, who knows where it leads, i know that they say that 10% is the below the shoulders and 90% above, so this bears out the poem, beautifully written my friend, a credit to you. Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 05-May-2020
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This is an excellent poem Joan, yes, emotion indeed plays a huge role in competition, who knows where it leads, i know that they say that 10% is the below the shoulders and 90% above, so this bears out the poem, beautifully written my friend, a credit to you. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-May-2020
reply by the author on 05-May-2020
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I am glad you liked this poem, Roy. Thanks for the encouraging comments and high rating.
Joan
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Your story poem is very entertaining, with a good moral, easily delivered, not bitter to the taste; it's kind of fun.
I think you have a modified sonnet format. Although it's not consistent in syllables and rhyme pattern, you have some good rhymes there. The rhythm, too, is somewhat irregular, but it's clearly poetic, and the emphasis on the story does not disappoint. It fires the imagination.
reply by the author on 04-May-2020
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Your story poem is very entertaining, with a good moral, easily delivered, not bitter to the taste; it's kind of fun.
I think you have a modified sonnet format. Although it's not consistent in syllables and rhyme pattern, you have some good rhymes there. The rhythm, too, is somewhat irregular, but it's clearly poetic, and the emphasis on the story does not disappoint. It fires the imagination.
Comment Written 04-May-2020
reply by the author on 04-May-2020
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Thank you for the honest and thorough review. I had fun writing it.
Glad you enjoyed it enough to give it five stars.
dp
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You're very welcome, DP. I absolutely enjoyed it. - Mary Kay :-)
