The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "KLASCO'S LETTER"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
16 total reviews
Comment from Dashjianta
A very strong chapter. The letter, and the timing of Doctrex's reactions, convey both Axtilla's story and the strength of his feelings for her. The flow of his thoughts afterwards, with one thought leading to the next, and that to another, comes across as very natural.
Nits:
Even before hugging me, she spewed out all at once about the visions Sarisa had been having since we left [there it was again: visions!](.)
--And capital 'T' on 'there' too.
fitfully over the voice she heard--voices instructing her
--Voice or voices?
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2014
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A very strong chapter. The letter, and the timing of Doctrex's reactions, convey both Axtilla's story and the strength of his feelings for her. The flow of his thoughts afterwards, with one thought leading to the next, and that to another, comes across as very natural.
Nits:
Even before hugging me, she spewed out all at once about the visions Sarisa had been having since we left [there it was again: visions!](.)
--And capital 'T' on 'there' too.
fitfully over the voice she heard--voices instructing her
--Voice or voices?
Comment Written 06-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2014
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You are appreciated enormously, Alex. This chapter and the next were crucial to the formation of book three. I'm glad you got a feel for that.
Comment from Selina Stambi
I love the tone of Kalsco's letter.
Can't wait to find out if Axitillia ends up in his arms!
Better late than never, Jay - here I am!
Have a lovely week.
Sonali
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2014
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I love the tone of Kalsco's letter.
Can't wait to find out if Axitillia ends up in his arms!
Better late than never, Jay - here I am!
Have a lovely week.
Sonali
Comment Written 08-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2014
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Oh, Sonali, if you only knew the troubles I've been having with the last chapter. It has been so tough to write. Been at it for over a week three hours a day. Too long; there's something keeping it from coming together. Hey! Good having you back. You went to the mountains? No cell, no wi-fi.
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I had a houseful of guests for a week - same as the mountains, I guess!!
Nobody knows the troubles I've seen .... (altogether, now - sing with me!). I'm sure it'll all come together beautifully, Jay. Hang in there, sir!
:)
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I had a houseful of guests for a week - same as the mountains, I guess!!
Nobody knows the troubles I've seen .... (altogether, now - sing with me!). I'm sure it'll all come together beautifully, Jay. Hang in there, sir!
:)
Comment from GWHARGIS
I feel really crappy because I don't have a six to give you. This deserves a six. For the first time Doctrex is being totally honest. He realizes he is unfit to lead, and the line about his heart not being in it. (You said not a bone or a hair on his head) it was a remarkable glimpse into the man. I was glad to hear about Klea and Kalsco's family. They are very strong characters (not that any of yours are weak) but I really connected with them. It also gave me an understanding into Klea. Sorry this review took so long, but I have been working non stop and getting ready for the hurricane. Happy fourth.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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I feel really crappy because I don't have a six to give you. This deserves a six. For the first time Doctrex is being totally honest. He realizes he is unfit to lead, and the line about his heart not being in it. (You said not a bone or a hair on his head) it was a remarkable glimpse into the man. I was glad to hear about Klea and Kalsco's family. They are very strong characters (not that any of yours are weak) but I really connected with them. It also gave me an understanding into Klea. Sorry this review took so long, but I have been working non stop and getting ready for the hurricane. Happy fourth.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014
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Oh, my goodness, the hurricane! You must be on the east coast. You're forgiven. Thank you so much for the virtual six. I know what you mean. I run out about Thursday or Friday and of course that's when something that really resonates comes along. What you say means far more to me anyway. The next chapter is the last for book one. I'm not happy with it. It will probably be a week or so before I'll even consider posting it.
You are so encouraging, Gretchen. Again, thanks. Now go batten down the hatches.
Comment from thedreampeddler
Great story. The originality is off the charts, which is fantastic. The storytelling is good enough and the characters seem cool. Keep up the awesome work on this one.
thedreampeddler
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Great story. The originality is off the charts, which is fantastic. The storytelling is good enough and the characters seem cool. Keep up the awesome work on this one.
thedreampeddler
Comment Written 03-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thanks, thedreampeddler, for your kind words and generous stars. Hope you come back for the rest of the trilogy.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Excellent chapter! You hold the tension very well and present the strong feelings of Klasco superbly.
Sarisa talking to someone from below
Sarisa talking to someone below ??
An example of my tendency for less...
(Just a difference in writing style...)
I took in a breath, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands and then I returned to the letter.
I took a breath, wiped my eyes, and returned to the letter.
Do you double space after periods for a purpose? I used to do it many years ago but not for a long time.
Thanks for a great posting.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Excellent chapter! You hold the tension very well and present the strong feelings of Klasco superbly.
Sarisa talking to someone from below
Sarisa talking to someone below ??
An example of my tendency for less...
(Just a difference in writing style...)
I took in a breath, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands and then I returned to the letter.
I took a breath, wiped my eyes, and returned to the letter.
Do you double space after periods for a purpose? I used to do it many years ago but not for a long time.
Thanks for a great posting.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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You are too kind, giving me the 6 stars!
First, thanks for just reading this, Ray. You don't have anything better to do in Cambria than to read FS? LOL, no matter, I appreciate it. Thanks for your lesson on economy. Seriously, I need it. A purpose for the double space? Ummmm, 50 years of having it drilled in my my head. Hadn't the rule changed about 10 years ago? I was amazed when I first heard about it. It's hard to recondition your mind to do one space. I first learned it with my typing class in high school. That was 62 years ago.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Jay. I have always liked letters as a way of getting more depth to a story. Your letter here is a super example.
I can feel the build up for a great battle.
I will not be around a lot over the next 3 and 172 weeks...we are going to the mountains, little hut, no phone, no wifi...we will go to town once a week to check things out and buy groceries...so I will try to keep up as best as I can:-)
padumachitta
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Hi Jay. I have always liked letters as a way of getting more depth to a story. Your letter here is a super example.
I can feel the build up for a great battle.
I will not be around a lot over the next 3 and 172 weeks...we are going to the mountains, little hut, no phone, no wifi...we will go to town once a week to check things out and buy groceries...so I will try to keep up as best as I can:-)
padumachitta
Comment Written 03-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I don't know what to say. No phone, no wifi? I admire your decision. Wow! Don't worry, the world will still be here when you come back. Well, maybe. 172 weeks? That's over three years!
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Ah...3 1/2.weeks Typo:-)
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To me that would feel like 3 years! No wifi, no phone?!!
Comment from Liandra
I never expected Axtilla to make a entrance! Now what is Doctrex planning I wonder. It's almost as if he's suddenly a different person when Axtilla's name is mentioned. He was so dedicated, or so it seemed, to going into battle. Maybe it was his way of pushing Axtilla from his mind and now, all his dreams may be fulfilled. Or maybe not!
Looking forward to the next chapter,
:) Liandra
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014
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I never expected Axtilla to make a entrance! Now what is Doctrex planning I wonder. It's almost as if he's suddenly a different person when Axtilla's name is mentioned. He was so dedicated, or so it seemed, to going into battle. Maybe it was his way of pushing Axtilla from his mind and now, all his dreams may be fulfilled. Or maybe not!
Looking forward to the next chapter,
:) Liandra
Comment Written 02-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014
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Maybe not, Liandra, though you certainly have a fecund imagination. The last chapter of Book one is next ... if I can work out some of the snags I'm encountering. Thanks for your interest, my dear friend.
Comment from A Matter Of Words
This is getting very interesting. I am a fan of the use of a letter to communicate between characters and you did this very well, Jay. I found your writing strength, once again, in this chapter. The flow of word and thought is excellent.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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This is getting very interesting. I am a fan of the use of a letter to communicate between characters and you did this very well, Jay. I found your writing strength, once again, in this chapter. The flow of word and thought is excellent.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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I'm happy you liked it, Stephanie. One more chapter to go (Part B of this one) and Book I will be completed.
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That is happy thought!!! Congratulations. IT is a very interesting story.
Comment from dreamin'
Hi Jay,
Great letter! The only item I noticed - need to insert the word she..."assuming (she)---her heretofore, perfectly obedient daughter--would be at her heels"
"She should have been here by now. Unless ... wait! What was I thinking? Of course ... she didn't know!" What a perfect carrot you dangled! What WAS he thinking? What didn't she know? You are certainly the king of cliffhangers... well done
Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Hi Jay,
Great letter! The only item I noticed - need to insert the word she..."assuming (she)---her heretofore, perfectly obedient daughter--would be at her heels"
"She should have been here by now. Unless ... wait! What was I thinking? Of course ... she didn't know!" What a perfect carrot you dangled! What WAS he thinking? What didn't she know? You are certainly the king of cliffhangers... well done
Debbie
Comment Written 01-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Debbie, for your wonderful, wonderful review and the glittery 6-er. I have to admit, when I first saw your suggested change, I read it and thought, "Debbie didn't read it right." Then, I read it as you did and immediately went back and changed it. You da bomb, girl!
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And this is why we do this here... :)
Comment from amahra
I really enjoyed what I read; and I'm sorry I missed so much of it.
And, it confirms everything you, my dear Brother, had been telling me from the beginning. [And [no comma] it confirms everything, dear Brother, you told me in the beginning] just my opinion.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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I really enjoyed what I read; and I'm sorry I missed so much of it.
And, it confirms everything you, my dear Brother, had been telling me from the beginning. [And [no comma] it confirms everything, dear Brother, you told me in the beginning] just my opinion.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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And, a good opinion, Amahra. I'll go back and change it. I'm so pleased you stopped by. Hope to see you back again.