Mermaid Sings
being at one with the ocean6 total reviews
Comment from Tru RhymZ
You just took me for, a very easy to follow, perfectly painted, gentle relaxed swim through the ocean.
My only suggestions would be to maybe switch "vast" to another word that could describe the Ocean with as a mood or feel, in the first line, verses emphasizing the fact that the Ocean is the largest body of water already known. Maybe look at the mood your words "harmony" with "mermaid" begin to set from the second line and start from there?
Other wise I did indeed connect to this perfect example of a 5-7-5 poem, nicely done!
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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You just took me for, a very easy to follow, perfectly painted, gentle relaxed swim through the ocean.
My only suggestions would be to maybe switch "vast" to another word that could describe the Ocean with as a mood or feel, in the first line, verses emphasizing the fact that the Ocean is the largest body of water already known. Maybe look at the mood your words "harmony" with "mermaid" begin to set from the second line and start from there?
Other wise I did indeed connect to this perfect example of a 5-7-5 poem, nicely done!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from Jean Lutz
Lots about this one to tickle the senses. Keep pouring them out 'til the ocean is full. Words, color scheme and artwork compliment each other. Best wishes with the entry.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014
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Lots about this one to tickle the senses. Keep pouring them out 'til the ocean is full. Words, color scheme and artwork compliment each other. Best wishes with the entry.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your syllable count spot on
good visual to portray message of the mermaid that sings in motion with the waves of the ocean
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014
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good luck in the contest
your syllable count spot on
good visual to portray message of the mermaid that sings in motion with the waves of the ocean
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 12-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014
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Thank you
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welcome..SC
Comment from Sallyo
Lovely word choice. The reason for the four stars is that I'm pretty sure that apostrophe is out of place. I thought for a bit it was Ocean's vast... as in, the vast belonging to an ocean, but that doesn't work since vast is an adjective. Kill the apostrophe and your 5/7/5 will ring that much more smoothly.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014
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Lovely word choice. The reason for the four stars is that I'm pretty sure that apostrophe is out of place. I thought for a bit it was Ocean's vast... as in, the vast belonging to an ocean, but that doesn't work since vast is an adjective. Kill the apostrophe and your 5/7/5 will ring that much more smoothly.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014
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Thank you-Reading again I now agree.
Comment from Capricorn30
A well-penned 5-7-5 which complements the lovely artwork
Nice alliteration: "mermaid"; "motion";
One of many soft songs of the ocean, the melody of a mystical creature.
A pretty poem, a pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014
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A well-penned 5-7-5 which complements the lovely artwork
Nice alliteration: "mermaid"; "motion";
One of many soft songs of the ocean, the melody of a mystical creature.
A pretty poem, a pleasure to read.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from fastdigits
Seventeen syllables of a
musical interlude that
is heard in the whispering
wind as the mermaid raises
her voice to be carried
wide and far.
Well done and good luck
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014
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Seventeen syllables of a
musical interlude that
is heard in the whispering
wind as the mermaid raises
her voice to be carried
wide and far.
Well done and good luck
Comment Written 11-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014
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Thank you