Comment from rhymelord

Exceptional

Dear Steve,
Whow!! This is different. It is a great yarn and I really enjoy the J.R.R. Tolkienish language. It reads like I imagine a middle age document would sound and the quirky rhyme pattern adds to its impact. Wonderful imaginative writing.
Regards
Reg

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Reg.
Just testing how this would fare. The rhyme scheme and non-metrical verse is borrowed from Dylan Thomas.

Steve

Comment from SilverWoulfCreations

Excellent

Very good message here. Well written and structured.
Good luck on the contest. Greatly enjoyed reading this piece.
Thank you for sharing your talent here with us.

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi Steve,, this is a beautiful piece of writing, it has touches of Tennyson and smackings of Poe within it, it has a really good flow and the rhyming is excellent, I love the time setting and the use of the speech for that period.

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Eric.

Steve

reply by Eric1 on 02-Aug-2014

You are so welcome Steve

Comment from Irish Rain

Excellent

Wonderful story in a poem! I loved the phrase...now the wolf cubs mourn, ...and I love how this has a 'Poe' flavor to it! I think I just read the winner in this contest! Blessings...Judy

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Judy.

I wouldn't bet your life savings on this winning...

Steve

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

kiwi, this Share A Story In A Poem contest entry is well written with the feel of a bygone era through the language and the story line. I enjoyed it. Well done. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, GracieAnn.

Steve

Comment from Loren (7)

Exceptional

This reminds me of poems I might have read in college when studying writers such as Tennyson. It has an epic, Romanian fell not without the chivalry of the brave prince. How sad he had to die. I'm still learning the ins and outs of poetry, so can't comment on the mechanics of the piece, but I did notice the rhymes and iambic pentameter (I think) and the enjambments which made it overall great read. Looks like a winner to me. Good luck - Loren

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Loren.

You are the third reviewer in a row to mention Tennyson - in fact I had something of Dylan Thomas in mind - that's where the strange rhyme scheme came from.

No, there is no regular meter here, although there will be some iambics naturally scattered around. I was trying to get an interesting rhythmical flow without being tied down to a particular meter.

Thanks for the six stars and the winner prediction, but don't bet your house on it!

Steve

Comment from Pyrrho

Excellent

I have naught but admiration for a poet that can write narrative verse with a rhyme scheme as complex as a sonnet. i am a rhymer, but have never (and never will) attempted it. And yo maintain a credible flow as well.

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks for the generous review.

normally rhyming comes easily to me, but this scheme which I borrowed from Dylan Thomas had me stretched!

Steve

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Hi kiwisteveh - This is a beautiful poem so well written almost in the style of Lord Tennyson. I like your use of language which suits the period you write about. One word which I am not sure about is 'legended' - never heard legend used like that as past tense. I would have thought 'wondrous legendary land' perhaps,- just a thought! 'wonderous' drop the 'e' - Otherwise I think it very well written - a lovely story with a gorgeous picture. Good luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Dorothy - you are right 'legended' is something I made up for the occasion - same with wonderous and awe-ful later on - all part of the new style I was trying on. Glad you enjoyed the story.

Steve

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Hi Steve,

I read this out loud and thoroughly enjoyed the epic. I'm also impressed with your original rhyme scheme. Some people are too stuck on the traditional and it's always fun to see writer's create their own style.

Hugs,
Lou

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Lou

Actually I am borrowing someone else's style. The rhyme scheme and stanza structure comes from a piece by Dylan Thomas, but yes, I enjoy experimenting with different effects.

Steve

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

Wow how good is this story! Well done kiwi steveh enjoyable read lovely metaphors and similes
Thanks so much for sharing Good luck in the contest!

dip

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Dip!

Steve