Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "Manhunt"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
72 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Urine trouble now
I'm sorry for going there but why not...
Well penned scary tiny tale
It's the unknown that gets us every time
God bless
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Urine trouble now
I'm sorry for going there but why not...
Well penned scary tiny tale
It's the unknown that gets us every time
God bless
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Ha-hah, you're very punny, Jenny, and your reviews never fail to elicit a smile from me. That ain't an easy task, my friend.
Thanks for the review, and the laugh. I appreciate it.
~Dean :}
Comment from c_lucas
Children's games are not always limited to children. Demons can play, too. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. See the demon holding little Mary's head.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Children's games are not always limited to children. Demons can play, too. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. See the demon holding little Mary's head.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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And they sometimes will, Charlie. At least in my stories anyhow.
Thanks very much for the review. ~Dean
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You're welcome, Dean. Charlie
Comment from Adri7enne
"Manhunt was the BOYS more sinister..." BOYS'...Add the apostrophe to denote the possessive. Whose name? The boys' name.
Leaves us to wonder who it really was who wanted to play. There's a whole scale of freaky possibilities, uh? Well done, Dean.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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"Manhunt was the BOYS more sinister..." BOYS'...Add the apostrophe to denote the possessive. Whose name? The boys' name.
Leaves us to wonder who it really was who wanted to play. There's a whole scale of freaky possibilities, uh? Well done, Dean.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Correction made, Adri7enne. Thanks for pointing it out to me.
And thanks for reviewing my tiny tale, too.
Much obliged. ~Dean
Comment from Mr. Dark
There's a reason you started these tiny tales of horror, and that's because you know damn well what a tiny tale of horror is supposed to be. You--if you'll appreciate the pun, sir--wrote the book on them. This was a textbook example.
Comic books have ruined you, much to the glee and delight of all of us. I pictured this as if it were a comic book story. I could almost see the balloon speech bubbles coming from the mouths of the two boys. And while I desperately wanted to see what it was that was calling to Frankie. Especially knowing you, I was desperate to know what the hell it was that whispered to him outside.. but at the same time, I'm glad you didn't show me. It made the story that much more creepy. It left it to my own disturbed imagination, and that was enough.
Simple story. Fast paced. Just a seed, really, but a gloriously dark seed, fertilized with your trademark brand of grave dirt. You should be careful, sir, because I expect nothing less from you now, and would be gravely (pun intended) disappointed if you ever write anything less phenomenal than what I just read here. I waited to review this specifically because I had no sixes left to give, and I knew damn well before I even read it that it was worth a six. You never disappoint. This story is proof of that.
Ever wanting more from you,
--Sara
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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There's a reason you started these tiny tales of horror, and that's because you know damn well what a tiny tale of horror is supposed to be. You--if you'll appreciate the pun, sir--wrote the book on them. This was a textbook example.
Comic books have ruined you, much to the glee and delight of all of us. I pictured this as if it were a comic book story. I could almost see the balloon speech bubbles coming from the mouths of the two boys. And while I desperately wanted to see what it was that was calling to Frankie. Especially knowing you, I was desperate to know what the hell it was that whispered to him outside.. but at the same time, I'm glad you didn't show me. It made the story that much more creepy. It left it to my own disturbed imagination, and that was enough.
Simple story. Fast paced. Just a seed, really, but a gloriously dark seed, fertilized with your trademark brand of grave dirt. You should be careful, sir, because I expect nothing less from you now, and would be gravely (pun intended) disappointed if you ever write anything less phenomenal than what I just read here. I waited to review this specifically because I had no sixes left to give, and I knew damn well before I even read it that it was worth a six. You never disappoint. This story is proof of that.
Ever wanting more from you,
--Sara
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Ha-ha, you're far too kind, Sara. But you're also right, comic books--such as EC comics Tales From the Crypt, Vault of Horror and the magazines CREEPY and EERIE--had a HUGE impact on me growing up. Both of my parents worked for many years, so when I got home form school (and because I had two particularly annoying younger brothers), I used these as a means of escape, immersing myself in their stories. I also read novels from Ray Bradbury, Robert Bloch, H.P. Lovecraft and Poe--and many others--and began to start writing at a very early age. It was also another means to escape.
I've learned that flash fiction (in my estimation at least) is to prose what haiku is to poetry. You must have that "Ah-ha!" moment at the very end--the reveal, if you will--that causes your readers to switch on all the lights in their home, then look precariously over their shoulders long after the act of reading is over and done with.
But, I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I've read your stories, so I know perfectly well what you yourself are capable of accomplishing in a well-spun horror yarn.
Thank you first and foremost for taking the time to read & review this story. I realize everyone's time is valuable, and I certainly appreciate you spending some of yours on me. Second, thank you for your encouragement and complimentary comments. Those are always appreciated. And finally, thank you for your generous six star rating. We get so few to award our peers here, I always feel very fortunate when I am lucky enough to receive one.
I'm really pleased you enjoyed the story, and please, tell Mr. Dark I'll be looking to have a drink with him later at Dino's. After all, I should fit right in with the clientele.
Heh-heh... ~Dean ;)
Comment from Judgement Dave
Really enjoyed this. Liked the use of decreasing font sizes for the best fiend. Loved the descriptions of the setting sun and the idea like divine revelation.
Just a couple of niggles, well - the second one's pretty big.
- Thought the ending could have been more abrupt. The reader knows it wasn't Jimmy outside as soon as Frankie bangs into someone inside the house and we have it confirmed that that person is Jimmy. The dialogue exchange about "how'd you get inside so fast" is too long and just detracts from the punch, softens the story, in my opinion.
- I've a couple of issues around story flow and this early(ish) paragraph:
The boys took turns back and forth, until finally it was Frankie's turn to go on the"hunt." After peeking into every corner and closet in the house, Frankie realized his best friend was nowhere to be found.
Firstly: It seems to be only the two boys, who are 'taking turns' (plural), so it seems odd that it says "finally it was Frankie's turn" as if he's been waiting ages for his first time 'on the hunt'.
Secondly: It's Frankie's turn to hunt, and we're given the description of him searching for Jimmy, but when he bumps into Jimmy inside, Jimmy says that he's been searching for Frankie. This sounds like both were on the hunt at the same time. Is that right? Maybe Jimmy was waiting so long without being found that he gave up and came out of hiding to seek Frankie, but if so maybe it could be made a little more explicit. Note that it seems a little odd if this is the case, that Jimmy gave up and came out as he'd been waiting so long and then did a search of the house, as the story gives me the impression that Frankie encounters his fiend pretty soon after moving his search outside.
Hope that this makes sense. Really enjoyed the story otherwise.
Cheers
JD
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Really enjoyed this. Liked the use of decreasing font sizes for the best fiend. Loved the descriptions of the setting sun and the idea like divine revelation.
Just a couple of niggles, well - the second one's pretty big.
- Thought the ending could have been more abrupt. The reader knows it wasn't Jimmy outside as soon as Frankie bangs into someone inside the house and we have it confirmed that that person is Jimmy. The dialogue exchange about "how'd you get inside so fast" is too long and just detracts from the punch, softens the story, in my opinion.
- I've a couple of issues around story flow and this early(ish) paragraph:
The boys took turns back and forth, until finally it was Frankie's turn to go on the"hunt." After peeking into every corner and closet in the house, Frankie realized his best friend was nowhere to be found.
Firstly: It seems to be only the two boys, who are 'taking turns' (plural), so it seems odd that it says "finally it was Frankie's turn" as if he's been waiting ages for his first time 'on the hunt'.
Secondly: It's Frankie's turn to hunt, and we're given the description of him searching for Jimmy, but when he bumps into Jimmy inside, Jimmy says that he's been searching for Frankie. This sounds like both were on the hunt at the same time. Is that right? Maybe Jimmy was waiting so long without being found that he gave up and came out of hiding to seek Frankie, but if so maybe it could be made a little more explicit. Note that it seems a little odd if this is the case, that Jimmy gave up and came out as he'd been waiting so long and then did a search of the house, as the story gives me the impression that Frankie encounters his fiend pretty soon after moving his search outside.
Hope that this makes sense. Really enjoyed the story otherwise.
Cheers
JD
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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It makes perfect sense, JD, and I've made some edits to reflect it.
Thanks very much for reading the story first and foremost. I appreciate your indepth review and helpful feedback. Both are equally important to me. I'm just glad you enjoyed the story.
Thanks again.
~Dean :}
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Glad it was of help.
I tried writing an idea I had for a Tiny Tale of Terror today, and ended up feeling the work needed more space to breathe. Now I'm back home after a poetry recital, and Mrs JD has given it the rough ok, I'm about to post the first draft. It's called The Table and comes in at about 1,600 words - Hopefully my next idea will fit into 500!
Cheers
JD
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Hopefully, Dave. All Tiny Tales are tailored to be flash or micro fiction (100 words or less for micro). I hope I can keep it that way to retain the integrity of the book's theme in tact. ~Dean
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I'll admit that all the ones I've looked at so far must have been the 500-word flash variety. I think that after writing a fair bit of flash fiction for another site, it was refreshing today (and a week or so ago for The 51st Way to Leave Your Lover) to write something a little longer and just let it have the words I felt it needed!
Of course, they could still do with an edit, no doubt!
Cheers
JD
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Hey, even Stephen King has an editor, Dave. LOL... ;}
~Dean
Comment from Tpa
Great suspense. great ending. It held my interest from the first sentence to the end. I enjoyed your description of the sun. Good read.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Great suspense. great ending. It held my interest from the first sentence to the end. I enjoyed your description of the sun. Good read.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the read & review, Tpa, and the generous six star rating as well. Your comments and time are greatly appreciated. ~Dean :)
Comment from Mastery
My man, you are something else indeed. Wow!
"The setting sun sent hues of fiery red, pink-tipped fingers reaching out across darkening summer skies. Frankie knew this was a time when kids could pull off their best hiding."
And: "Tommy's voice grew increasingly scratchier... screechy. It grated at Frankie's eardrums like fingernails being dragged across a blackboard. Low-growling-it continued from somewhere deep within the inky blackness."
Great imagery, pal. Bob
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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My man, you are something else indeed. Wow!
"The setting sun sent hues of fiery red, pink-tipped fingers reaching out across darkening summer skies. Frankie knew this was a time when kids could pull off their best hiding."
And: "Tommy's voice grew increasingly scratchier... screechy. It grated at Frankie's eardrums like fingernails being dragged across a blackboard. Low-growling-it continued from somewhere deep within the inky blackness."
Great imagery, pal. Bob
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thanks very much, Bob. I appreciate that, my friend. Like your own stories, descriptive metaphor can truly enhance even the shortest of prose, if it is used sparingly and convincingly. Too many adjectives will spoil the "stew" in a heartbeat if you're not careful. Especially in flash fiction.
Thanks for the very complimentary review, and the exceptional rating. Getting a rousing "Wow!" from the Master Crafter of FanStory fiction is like music to my ears.
Much obliged, my friend. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the story.
~Dean0 ;}
Comment from evilynne
Well, boredom at times leads us into interesting and frightening situations. Your writing, as always, is the stuff that dreams are made of - nightmares, that is! Evi
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Well, boredom at times leads us into interesting and frightening situations. Your writing, as always, is the stuff that dreams are made of - nightmares, that is! Evi
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Thanks a million, Evi! I really like your enthusiasm, and that's one of the things I appreciate most about your reviews. You're not overly analytical,--preaching grammar do's and don't's left and right. You just read and enjoy the stores for what they are--pure entertainment--if you like this sort of thing as we do, that is.
Much obliged to you for the sixer as well. I'm really glad you enjoyed this one.
~Dean :}
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Dean. The master strikes again! That is superb stuff mate, the dialogue is awesome and sounded just like a couple of young blokes would speak. This twist at the end is perfect. Another fantastic sacry yarn cobber. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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G'day Dean. The master strikes again! That is superb stuff mate, the dialogue is awesome and sounded just like a couple of young blokes would speak. This twist at the end is perfect. Another fantastic sacry yarn cobber. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Fez. I'm glad ya' liked it.--Dean
Comment from mfowler
This is a well penned little teaser, Dean. The boys play what Frankie thinks will be a screamer of a game, their own night bound version of hide-and-seek, Manhunt, but gets way more than he bargained on when Jimmie outflanks him. He uses strange voices to entice Frankie to play (loved your use of script to get that intense effect) and ends up scaring the crap out of him, or was that urine? The ending is perfect with Jamie being inside and pretending to have never gone outside in the first place. You use kid talk perfectly especially the final exchange:
"You dirty cheat! How'd you get inside so dang fast?"
"Whaddaya mean, idgit? I never went outside."
A nice addition to this horror volume.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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This is a well penned little teaser, Dean. The boys play what Frankie thinks will be a screamer of a game, their own night bound version of hide-and-seek, Manhunt, but gets way more than he bargained on when Jimmie outflanks him. He uses strange voices to entice Frankie to play (loved your use of script to get that intense effect) and ends up scaring the crap out of him, or was that urine? The ending is perfect with Jamie being inside and pretending to have never gone outside in the first place. You use kid talk perfectly especially the final exchange:
"You dirty cheat! How'd you get inside so dang fast?"
"Whaddaya mean, idgit? I never went outside."
A nice addition to this horror volume.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Mark. I'm glad you liked the story.--Dean
