Blood
Mystery & Crime - 200 wds (Noir)26 total reviews
Comment from olliebuster
Its a bitter pill to swallow. Your love fluttering in the wind. Seemingly there is no response for the love that you feel. After a while emotions overtake reason and good behaviour. Your physical needs kick reason out the door
and you cheat. Whether once or ten times, how do you make amends.
I read you. It is better to die, and what better way to die than at the hands of the one you still love. End life rather than let the torture go on.
A good piece. Full of reality. Olliebuster.
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Its a bitter pill to swallow. Your love fluttering in the wind. Seemingly there is no response for the love that you feel. After a while emotions overtake reason and good behaviour. Your physical needs kick reason out the door
and you cheat. Whether once or ten times, how do you make amends.
I read you. It is better to die, and what better way to die than at the hands of the one you still love. End life rather than let the torture go on.
A good piece. Full of reality. Olliebuster.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2016
Comment from Ricky1024
yes, once is enough one that the blood and blood is thicker than water and family members should not hurt each other but protect each other always and forever and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ enjoy this up and coming holiday 24 out
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yes, once is enough one that the blood and blood is thicker than water and family members should not hurt each other but protect each other always and forever and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ enjoy this up and coming holiday 24 out
Comment Written 12-Feb-2016
Comment from Eric1
Hi Dawn, I thoroughly enjoyed this brilliant flash fiction story, I wondered where you were going with it until I read that last line, what a fantastic surprise ending my friend.
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Hi Dawn, I thoroughly enjoyed this brilliant flash fiction story, I wondered where you were going with it until I read that last line, what a fantastic surprise ending my friend.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
Comment from Muffins
This story rumbles inside a slow dangerous cloud. The victim's knowledge of oncoming death crackles the air. It moves like an 1940's movie sexy, deadly, and justified.
Fantastic flash fiction.
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This story rumbles inside a slow dangerous cloud. The victim's knowledge of oncoming death crackles the air. It moves like an 1940's movie sexy, deadly, and justified.
Fantastic flash fiction.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very interesting write this is Dawn. This is something new for you, isn't it. I don't remember others like it. Well written, my friend~Debbie
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A very interesting write this is Dawn. This is something new for you, isn't it. I don't remember others like it. Well written, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
Comment from Ulla
Hi Dawn, I had to read through this story a couple of times before I really got it. It was your last line that distracted me but which is the most important of this short tale. The double meaning. Nicely done. All the best. Ulla
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Hi Dawn, I had to read through this story a couple of times before I really got it. It was your last line that distracted me but which is the most important of this short tale. The double meaning. Nicely done. All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day dawn. Well my friend, you've done it again! Gone and shocked my boots off! (Oh wait, I don't wear boots or any kind of foot wear! I'm feral.) but if I did they would be off right now!
Where on earth do you come up with these brilliant pieces of literature? This is another scary and very nicely written piece. Is it part of a book?
Well done.
Delia says "G'day", well actually she said.."Kumusta" but same thing.
Cheers Fez
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G'day dawn. Well my friend, you've done it again! Gone and shocked my boots off! (Oh wait, I don't wear boots or any kind of foot wear! I'm feral.) but if I did they would be off right now!
Where on earth do you come up with these brilliant pieces of literature? This is another scary and very nicely written piece. Is it part of a book?
Well done.
Delia says "G'day", well actually she said.."Kumusta" but same thing.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 09-Feb-2016
Comment from boxergirl
Hi Dawn,
Great job with your story. Introduction has a great hook and then your mystery unfolds into a crime but not before you inject a super duper twist with the brother.
Great last line. :-)
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Hi Dawn,
Great job with your story. Introduction has a great hook and then your mystery unfolds into a crime but not before you inject a super duper twist with the brother.
Great last line. :-)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
Comment from Dean Kuch
Nice double entendre in your ending line, Dawn.
The man whom your cheating female protagonist is protecting is the same man that's going to punch her ticket for her for good--her husband. Therefore he'll have his wife's blood on his hands. At the same time, the man with whom she's having an affair is her husband's own brother, therefore his blood relation.
"Once is enough when it's blood."
Nice taught little crime story here. It's very well written.
But the ending...the ending is brilliant.
Great writing!
~Dean
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Nice double entendre in your ending line, Dawn.
The man whom your cheating female protagonist is protecting is the same man that's going to punch her ticket for her for good--her husband. Therefore he'll have his wife's blood on his hands. At the same time, the man with whom she's having an affair is her husband's own brother, therefore his blood relation.
"Once is enough when it's blood."
Nice taught little crime story here. It's very well written.
But the ending...the ending is brilliant.
Great writing!
~Dean
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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You're the first one to notice (or at least mention) the double entendre - yes, it was intentional, so I am especially stoked that you DID notice it! Thanks yet again for a most wonderful and encouraging review!
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Really, Dawn? I thought it clearly evident.
Oh well...
Anyhow, you're more than welcome.
~Dean
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Dawn
= That little tart, fooling around with the brother!
= At least she knows she'll get her comeuppance in the end.
= Always plan ahead, I say. (*<*)
= Cute little story for a fun read.
<> Do you mean (wanting) instead of [with]??
= I told the man I'm [with] (wanting) to go home.
<> Need space at semi-colon.
= man[];I love my husband
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*>*)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Hi, Dawn
= That little tart, fooling around with the brother!
= At least she knows she'll get her comeuppance in the end.
= Always plan ahead, I say. (*<*)
= Cute little story for a fun read.
<> Do you mean (wanting) instead of [with]??
= I told the man I'm [with] (wanting) to go home.
<> Need space at semi-colon.
= man[];I love my husband
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie <> Jax (*>*)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
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Ooooh, great catches, thank you! I'm afraid I got caught up in the "Noir" vernacular and the "with me" was grammatically incorrect to the point of obscuring the meaning. As for the space - right on, Eagle Eye! Thanks so much, Jax!
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LOL --- you're welcome.
It always easy to catch someone else's little boo boos. (*<*)
