Turning Point
A short rhymed poem20 total reviews
Comment from evilynne
Your poem is great, although it speaks of the blues. Everyone is entitled to get the blues now and then, as the song says. Hope you feel more cheerful soon! Evi
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
  |
Your poem is great, although it speaks of the blues. Everyone is entitled to get the blues now and then, as the song says. Hope you feel more cheerful soon! Evi
Comment Written 29-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
-
Hi Evi :) Thank you for your lovely feedback, I feel much better already, thank you! Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
Comment from lightink
I was away for about a week - to busy to post or review, so I didn't see much of your grumpy side... but I give you permission to get as grumpy as you need to! :)
You have to show up with all of you, right?
The description of working on getting out of the 'dumps" is something most can relate a lot - trying to hide, to cheer up etc.. you tried to go towards a more hopeful direction by the end...
I loved the repeated line and your internal rhymes. The ending line is a powerful one!
Sending love!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
|
I was away for about a week - to busy to post or review, so I didn't see much of your grumpy side... but I give you permission to get as grumpy as you need to! :)
You have to show up with all of you, right?
The description of working on getting out of the 'dumps" is something most can relate a lot - trying to hide, to cheer up etc.. you tried to go towards a more hopeful direction by the end...
I loved the repeated line and your internal rhymes. The ending line is a powerful one!
Sending love!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
-
Hi J :) Thank you for your lovely feedback, I'm feeling kinda better already! Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
Comment from Dustybones
Although you start out in the dumps, you manage to twist and jump to make a fast break out of the basement and into the fresh air away from the "anaerbic caves of fug" Smile.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
|
Although you start out in the dumps, you manage to twist and jump to make a fast break out of the basement and into the fresh air away from the "anaerbic caves of fug" Smile.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
-
Hello :) Thank you for your great feedback. Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from MelB
Depression is a tough thing that many deal with. Appropriate artwork with nice rhyme, rhythm, and flow. Hope things are looking up soon!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
Depression is a tough thing that many deal with. Appropriate artwork with nice rhyme, rhythm, and flow. Hope things are looking up soon!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Mel :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Hi Debra,
So glad you are 'dragging yourself from out of the dumps.'
Although you said the poem had no particular form, the repeated lines of 1, then 2 in verse 2 and becoming line 3 in verse 3 proved to be
quite effective. I sincerely hope your 'dumps' leave you, we all go through those occasionally.
:-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
Hi Debra,
So glad you are 'dragging yourself from out of the dumps.'
Although you said the poem had no particular form, the repeated lines of 1, then 2 in verse 2 and becoming line 3 in verse 3 proved to be
quite effective. I sincerely hope your 'dumps' leave you, we all go through those occasionally.
:-) Carolyn
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Carolyn :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from I am Cat
(((((Debra)))))
I understand... It can get difficult sometimes and we aren't always in control of when it hits. If you're used to getting sunshine, then winter is difficult. Might try take a supplement of D3 and B12, D3 is a vitamin that sunshine supplies and comes also from dairy (if you're like me, and allergic or don't eat much of it and stay inside most of the time, you'll need to take lots of it) B-12 is the energy vitamin and most people are lacking it also.
it never hurts to take a multi-vitamin... and since you're used to exercising and you've just gone back to work, you might not be doing that as much, and that can affect your moods as well. (((((sending you hugs)))))
as far as the poem goes, I only have questions about using three prepositions together here:
from out of.... seems superfluous... redundant... like a filler. I think you can't probably find a REAL word to insert? Just a thought.
Sending hugs
cat
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
(((((Debra)))))
I understand... It can get difficult sometimes and we aren't always in control of when it hits. If you're used to getting sunshine, then winter is difficult. Might try take a supplement of D3 and B12, D3 is a vitamin that sunshine supplies and comes also from dairy (if you're like me, and allergic or don't eat much of it and stay inside most of the time, you'll need to take lots of it) B-12 is the energy vitamin and most people are lacking it also.
it never hurts to take a multi-vitamin... and since you're used to exercising and you've just gone back to work, you might not be doing that as much, and that can affect your moods as well. (((((sending you hugs)))))
as far as the poem goes, I only have questions about using three prepositions together here:
from out of.... seems superfluous... redundant... like a filler. I think you can't probably find a REAL word to insert? Just a thought.
Sending hugs
cat
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Cat :) Thank you for your kind and caring feedback. I appreciate your concern and will look into the vitamin deficiency thing - I take multi vitamins and cod liver oil and I also get outside a lot, but maybe I need something more specific/prescriptive?? The children are off school at the moment so I've not had as much time as usual to get out running, but I managed a 6km run this morning before Shaun went out so feeling quite upbeat today so far (currently 10.45am).
As for my poem, I know exactly where you're coming from - there's redundant words there... had a little think and came up with 'I'm dragging my sorry self out of the dumps' - what do you reckon? It loses the 'from' and also adds a little impact to the state of mind I'm in....? Just an idea!
Anyway, thank you again - your kindness means a lot :) Love Debra x
Comment from Louise Michelle
I really enjoyed reading your poem and your notes as well. Believe me, there are some pretty negative poems posted around here and yours wasn't one of them. You're just matter-of-factly describing how you're feeling. And the bouncy rhythm certainly made this feel light. I didn't detect deep depression in this at all. Good work, girl, write out them feelings! Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
I really enjoyed reading your poem and your notes as well. Believe me, there are some pretty negative poems posted around here and yours wasn't one of them. You're just matter-of-factly describing how you're feeling. And the bouncy rhythm certainly made this feel light. I didn't detect deep depression in this at all. Good work, girl, write out them feelings! Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Lou :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from Cedar
Debra: I'm sorry to hear about you being down in the dumps, but I'm afraid it's something that we all experience sooner or later. Some more than others. I guess it's just all part of being human. I feel confident that you will bounce back to the wonderful wife and mum that you really are. Keep writing, it does help to take your mind off things. Feel better my friend. Bill
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
Debra: I'm sorry to hear about you being down in the dumps, but I'm afraid it's something that we all experience sooner or later. Some more than others. I guess it's just all part of being human. I feel confident that you will bounce back to the wonderful wife and mum that you really are. Keep writing, it does help to take your mind off things. Feel better my friend. Bill
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Bill :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from Joy Graham
Oh don't break just yet, my friend :) You have displayed a nice bouncy rhythm that I found to be on the cheerful side. Nice rhymes and even internal rhymes for an added bonus. I like your mood here. You express a desire to get out of that fuggy fog.
My favorite line:
- "and though it's quite cosy, the locals are nosy". - nice k sounds for added delight in quite and cosy.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
Oh don't break just yet, my friend :) You have displayed a nice bouncy rhythm that I found to be on the cheerful side. Nice rhymes and even internal rhymes for an added bonus. I like your mood here. You express a desire to get out of that fuggy fog.
My favorite line:
- "and though it's quite cosy, the locals are nosy". - nice k sounds for added delight in quite and cosy.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Joy :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from Douglas Paul
This is very well done, Debra. Sorry you have been down in the dumps lately. Hopefully you will be able to pull yourself out of it soon. Have a blessed day
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
|
This is very well done, Debra. Sorry you have been down in the dumps lately. Hopefully you will be able to pull yourself out of it soon. Have a blessed day
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
-
Hi Douglas :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
