Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Consequences"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
11 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Great descriptive setting, then the thoughts turn into similes and metaphors. Good backstory to help the reader to know where Cody gets his strength. When I see "wooden paddle " it makes me think of a joke a paddled friend made when we were in a store and she saw a Mickey Mouse head shaped paddle. She did a gallows laugh and said, 'Imagine what find of pattern that would leave.' You've brought up a good subject for debate.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Great descriptive setting, then the thoughts turn into similes and metaphors. Good backstory to help the reader to know where Cody gets his strength. When I see "wooden paddle " it makes me think of a joke a paddled friend made when we were in a store and she saw a Mickey Mouse head shaped paddle. She did a gallows laugh and said, 'Imagine what find of pattern that would leave.' You've brought up a good subject for debate.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Thanks.
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Cool chapter
Comment from Katya
This is good writing, and I'm enjoying it.
I'm going to persist in trying to get a grasp on the thing as a whole. I'm having trouble, though, figuring out how to read this thing from one end to the other. It may be just because of the way posts and portfolios in FanStory work. However, there are two separate posts entitled "consequences", number two and number seven, and some of the material is very similar in each.
Plus I thought we were in Texas, and it seems we're in Southern California.
And, we who live in Oregon don't know what "Baker Acted" means.
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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This is good writing, and I'm enjoying it.
I'm going to persist in trying to get a grasp on the thing as a whole. I'm having trouble, though, figuring out how to read this thing from one end to the other. It may be just because of the way posts and portfolios in FanStory work. However, there are two separate posts entitled "consequences", number two and number seven, and some of the material is very similar in each.
Plus I thought we were in Texas, and it seems we're in Southern California.
And, we who live in Oregon don't know what "Baker Acted" means.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 02-May-2018
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This version of the chapter was disabled and should not have been viewable. A glitch in the system, I suppose.
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I'm glad to hear it! It was a nice glimpse of your work in progress, but not up to the general standard of your posts.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Brett,
A well planned storyline with a very believable plot.
I don't see any major problems with the flow or sequence of the story
as it unfolds.
It is interesting that at this point at least you have chosen the path of reform for Cody.
I like that Cody feels the hint of something positive on the horizon.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016
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Hi Brett,
A well planned storyline with a very believable plot.
I don't see any major problems with the flow or sequence of the story
as it unfolds.
It is interesting that at this point at least you have chosen the path of reform for Cody.
I like that Cody feels the hint of something positive on the horizon.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from way2gokevs
I totally agree with the guardian enforcing punishment. The kids of today show little if any respect for their parents, law and order, they are demanding, show no hint of trust that their peers will do the right thing by them, so they demand, cause and make trouble to get attention.
It is a sad reflection on society that these days kids are pulled and pushed in marriage break-ups, bribery by both parents to turn the kids against the other parent does not go well for the kids to grow up with trust and respect. A single parent in most cases is the worst offender, for they just don't have the time to educate and provide and explain what a child should have in life to be a decent child.
Your story highlights the paddle discipline of Cody, it flows well with good insights into the home life that Cory endured from his natural parents, who did no good what so ever into turning Cory into a decent child.
I brought up 5 kids with a firm discipline and work effort that made them appreciate the life they were being brought up in.
Look forward to more of your story. Well done. Cheers, Kev
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2016
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I totally agree with the guardian enforcing punishment. The kids of today show little if any respect for their parents, law and order, they are demanding, show no hint of trust that their peers will do the right thing by them, so they demand, cause and make trouble to get attention.
It is a sad reflection on society that these days kids are pulled and pushed in marriage break-ups, bribery by both parents to turn the kids against the other parent does not go well for the kids to grow up with trust and respect. A single parent in most cases is the worst offender, for they just don't have the time to educate and provide and explain what a child should have in life to be a decent child.
Your story highlights the paddle discipline of Cody, it flows well with good insights into the home life that Cory endured from his natural parents, who did no good what so ever into turning Cory into a decent child.
I brought up 5 kids with a firm discipline and work effort that made them appreciate the life they were being brought up in.
Look forward to more of your story. Well done. Cheers, Kev
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this. The other chapters in this story are in my portfolio. Enjoy.
Comment from Ricky1024
Rich an adjective content seem and imagery this is a sure winner thanks for this as always Brett Ricky Rich an adjective content seem and imagery this is a sure winner thanks for this as always Brett Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Rich an adjective content seem and imagery this is a sure winner thanks for this as always Brett Ricky Rich an adjective content seem and imagery this is a sure winner thanks for this as always Brett Ricky 1024
Comment Written 22-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last even thought it was a harsh being. I know you warn the reader why it started this.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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You captured my attention from the first line to the last even thought it was a harsh being. I know you warn the reader why it started this.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 21-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Thanks miss cookie!
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You're very welcome.
Have a blessed Sunday.
Cookie
Comment from Sankey
Good story. Hope there is more. Sorry I have not read your stuff in a while. I was happy to come by and read coz the story was worth reading. However if you want better than me to read it the reward needs to be a bit better. I am stocked up with member Dollars as I have not done any writing for a bit to promote.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Good story. Hope there is more. Sorry I have not read your stuff in a while. I was happy to come by and read coz the story was worth reading. However if you want better than me to read it the reward needs to be a bit better. I am stocked up with member Dollars as I have not done any writing for a bit to promote.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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And that is why I do not promote my stuff. I made the choice I would rather write than spend all my time reviewing and have no time to write. Glad you enjoyed this part of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from foxangie123
This down right fabulous writing here you have lined that myself could relate to as I suspect every reader will. This is clever subject matter and lining.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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This down right fabulous writing here you have lined that myself could relate to as I suspect every reader will. This is clever subject matter and lining.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Interresting and different from what I expected.
I think it will be a promising read.
A few little wording mistakes, but this seen from an English major, I will not correct anothers work because I know it must be for effect of the story.
Very nicely done
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Interresting and different from what I expected.
I think it will be a promising read.
A few little wording mistakes, but this seen from an English major, I will not correct anothers work because I know it must be for effect of the story.
Very nicely done
Comment Written 20-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this. Your comments and support appreciated. If you spot errors please let me know.
Comment from mfowler
You've layered this chapter with critical back story about his useless mother and abusive father. It explains the emptiness in Cody's kit back for survival, and the reason he can't name feelings or explain actions. His relationship to to his foster father is developed, and we see Cody lost in a mix of emotions, as he deals with a beating, new rules for living, and a compassionate action in a hug. The foster father confuses him again in the best way, as he joins in with a celebration of the boy sort when Cody apologises, something he's never done before. This chapter is excellent, as you expose the reader to Cody's conflicting emotional make-up. It drives every response he has in life. I guess it's your job as author, to now be consistent in how you express Cody's reactions to events, while trying to show some sort of transition to a more evolved self. The writer's challenge.
One query:
If that is what you could call life with his father. Baker Acted on three separate occasions, and committed to...this section read strangely. Is something missing?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
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You've layered this chapter with critical back story about his useless mother and abusive father. It explains the emptiness in Cody's kit back for survival, and the reason he can't name feelings or explain actions. His relationship to to his foster father is developed, and we see Cody lost in a mix of emotions, as he deals with a beating, new rules for living, and a compassionate action in a hug. The foster father confuses him again in the best way, as he joins in with a celebration of the boy sort when Cody apologises, something he's never done before. This chapter is excellent, as you expose the reader to Cody's conflicting emotional make-up. It drives every response he has in life. I guess it's your job as author, to now be consistent in how you express Cody's reactions to events, while trying to show some sort of transition to a more evolved self. The writer's challenge.
One query:
If that is what you could call life with his father. Baker Acted on three separate occasions, and committed to...this section read strangely. Is something missing?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
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Was trying to express how Cody's father was institutionalized twice, and medically challenged by authorities on three other occasions, to show his insanity.
