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Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "My Dream Job"
Free verse poems

30 total reviews 
Comment from Treischel
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Your poetic imagery was exquisite in this free style poem (Free Verse is unstructured with no rhyme, Free Style is unstructured with rhyme as you have here), as it greets the sunset with wine and greet the day with coffee. Marvelous use of wine and grape references. The seashore is a lovely backdrop.

 Comment Written 01-May-2016


reply by the author on 01-May-2016
    Thanks so much, Tom. I made up a story about living in my favorite place on earth (near Shelter Cove, CA). Steep mountains above the ocean, and totally remote.
    Oh, Robert (rspoet) told me that it's free style, not free verse. But thanks - I'm a bit of a hack, I like to jump in and write and probably break a lot of rules along the way...
    Carol
Comment from mfowler
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Shades of Mary Oliver. Forgive me if I've said that before, but the repeated message of that famous poet is embodied in her verse - the declaration of connection between soul and nature, between our physical presence and the natural world within our reach she calls it her work, loving it and feeling it back. This three part piece shows you immersed in the mysteries of night, wandering along the beach observing the creeks, the birds, the flowers along the verge, and lastly revealing that loving the world in its beauty is your work. You utilize stunning imagery and an array of clever free verse techniques to create flow and feel. Some of your alliterative passages are masterful. Loved your work.

 Comment Written 30-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 01-May-2016
    Never apologize for recalling Mary Oliver when you read my poems! That is a huge compliment! You've inspired me to read more of her work. I'd heard of her before, but I really haven't read much poetry before joining Fan Story, and very little modern poetry other than Jack Gilbert and Robert Bly. I really, really do love the natural world. How wonderful that Mary Oliver also called this love of nature her work! It makes me excited to investigate Thank you so much for these comments :)
    Carol
reply by mfowler on 01-May-2016
    ?it is a serious thing // just to be alive / on this fresh morning / in this broken world.?
    ― Mary Oliver, Red Bird


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    Mary Oliver quotes (showing 31-60 of 372)
    ?I stood willingly and gladly in the characters of everything - other people, trees, clouds. And this is what I learned, that the world's otherness is antidote to confusion - that standing within this otherness - the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books - can re-dignify the worst-stung heart.?
    ― Mary Oliver
    237 likes
    Like
    ?

    "Snow was falling,
    so much like stars
    filling the dark trees
    that one could easily imagine
    its reason for being was nothing more
    than prettiness.?
    ― Mary Oliver
    tags: beauty, nature, prettiness, snow, winter, winter-night
    223 likes
    Like
    ?When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement.

    --from WHEN DEATH COMES?
    ― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 1
    215 likes
    Like
    ?I read the way a person might swim, to save his or her life. I wrote that way too.?
    ― Mary Oliver, Wild Geese
    tags: reading, writing
    213 likes
    Like
    ?So every day
    I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth
    of the ideas of God,
    one of which was you.?
    ― Mary Oliver
    207 likes
    Like
    ?Love Sorrow

    Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must
    take care of what has been
    given. Brush her hair, help her
    into her little coat, hold her hand,
    especially when crossing a street. For, think,

    what if you should lose her? Then you would be
    sorrow yourself; her drawn face, her sleeplessness
    would be yours. Take care, touch
    her forehead that she feel herself not so

    utterly alone. And smile, that she does not
    altogether forget the world before the lesson.
    Have patience in abundance. And do not
    ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment

    by herself, which is to say, possibly, again,
    abandoned. She is strange, mute, difficult,
    sometimes unmanageable but, remember, she is a child.
    And amazing things can happen. And you may see,

    as the two of you go
    walking together in the morning light, how
    little by little she relaxes; she looks about her;
    she begins to grow.?
    ― Mary Oliver, Red Bird
    tags: pain, poetry, sorrow
    186 likes
    Like
    ?maybe death
    isn't darkness, after all,
    but so much light
    wrapping itself around us--?
    ― Mary Oliver, Owls and Other Fantasies: Poems and Essays
    185 likes
    Like
    ?If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don?t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happened better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that?s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don?t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb. (Don't Hesitate)?
    ― Mary Oliver, Swan: Poems and Prose Poems
    tags: beauty-in-nature, love, nature, poetry
    184 likes
    Like
    ?I Go Down To The Shore

    I go down to the shore in the morning
    and depending on the hour the waves
    are rolling in or moving out,
    and I say, oh, I am miserable,
    what shall?
    what should I do? And the sea says
    in its lovely voice:
    Excuse me, I have work to do.?
    ― Mary Oliver, A Thousand Mornings
    tags: nature, poetry
    181 likes
    Like
    ?He is exactly the poem I wanted to write.?
    ― Mary Oliver
    173 likes
    Like
    ?In Blackwater Woods

    Look, the trees
    are turning
    their own bodies
    into pillars

    of light,
    are giving off the rich
    fragrance of cinnamon
    and fulfillment,

    the long tapers
    of cattails
    are bursting and floating away over
    the blue shoulders

    of the ponds,
    and every pond,
    no matter what its
    name is, is

    nameless now.
    Every year
    everything
    I have ever learned

    in my lifetime
    leads back to this: the fires
    and the black river of loss
    whose other side

    is salvation,
    whose meaning
    none of us will ever know.
    To live in this world

    you must be able
    to do three things:
    to love what is mortal;
    to hold it

    against your bones knowing
    your own life depends on it;
    and, when the time comes to let it go,
    to let it go.?
    ― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 1
    tags: poetry
    168 likes
    Like
    ?Said the river: imagine everything you can imagine, then keep on going.?
    ― Mary Oliver
    168 likes
    Like
    ?the stars began to burn
    through the sheets of clouds,
    and there was a new voice
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own?
    ― Mary Oliver
    tags: poetry
    158 likes
    Like
    ?it is a serious thing // just to be alive / on this fresh morning / in this broken world.?
    ― Mary Oliver, Red Bird
    154 likes
    Like
    ?I held my breath as we do sometimes to stop time when something wonderful has touched us...?
    ― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 2
    tags: snow-geese
    144 likes
    Like
    ?And that is just the point... how the world, moist and beautiful, calls to each of us to make a new and serious response. That's the big question, the one the world throws at you every morning. "Here you are, alive. Would you like to make a comment??
    ― Mary Oliver

    ?Praying

    It doesn?t have to be
    the blue iris, it could be
    weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
    small stones; just
    pay attention, then patch

    a few words together and don?t try
    to make them elaborate, this isn?t
    a contest but the doorway

    into thanks, and a silence in which
    another voice may speak.?
    ― Mary Oliver, Thirst

    ?Why I Wake Early

    Hello, sun in my face.

    Hello, you who made the morning

    and spread it over the fields

    and into the faces of the tulips

    and the nodding morning glories,

    and into the windows of, even, the

    miserable and the crotchety ?



    best preacher that ever was,

    dear star, that just happens

    to be where you are in the universe

    to keep us from ever-darkness,

    to ease us with warm touching,

    to hold us in the great hands of light ?

    good morning, good morning, good morning.



    Watch, now, how I start the day

    in happiness, in kindness.?
    ― Mary Oliver

    ?A dog comes to you and lives with you in your own house, but you do not therefore own her, as you do not own the rain, or the trees, or the laws which pertain to them ...

    A dog can never tell you what she knows from the smells of the world, but you know, watching her, that you know almost nothing. . .?
    ― Mary Oliver

    ?Every day I see or hear something that more or less kills me with delight, that leaves me like a needle in the haystack of light.?
    ― Mary Oliver

    ?You do not have to be good.
    You do not have to walk on your knees
    for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
    You only have to let the soft animal of your body
    love what it loves.?
    ― Mary Oliver, Wild Geese

    ?My work is loving the world. Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird?equal seekers of sweetness.?
    ― Mary Oliver
Comment from --Turtle.
Excellent
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Another really strong poem, which I read a few times. Each time I appreciated the complexity and integration of how the words balance against each other, some slipping in to weave a first line directly into the second line, using a slight echo in a positive way, giving an interlocking sensation... some just the great vivid descriptive bursts of verbs and supporting adjectives. The free form in rhyme here, I thought musical type of verse... a peaceful type of poem that strangely... made me want to pour a glass of wine.

Very pretty, this, and my only regret is I seem to be running on empty to gather the full meaning of the words. As each image happens like a breeze, caressing my awareness and yet slipping through my total grasp.



 Comment Written 29-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 30-Apr-2016
    Haha, it made me want to pour a glass of wine too! See if you can find yourself a nice, oaky Chardonnay from Mendocino California...
    Okay, here's what I was thinking. There's a place called the Lost Coast in Northern California that I love. I was picturing that I had a house there, way up near the ridge (2000') overlooking the ocean. At night I'd stand on the deck to hear and feel the sea after dark. Fog often rolls in for the late night to early morning hours.
    The next day I'd awake at dawn, watching the sea light up as the sun rose. Drinking black coffee. Gazing around at the long green ridges coming off the main ridge up to King's Peak. Lots of little streams flow down each canyon to the ocean. One time I was walking on the beach, about 10 miles from the closest road or town, and came around a corner to see a young sea lion galloping along on his flippers. The slope of the mountain down to the sea are very steep and craggy, all hung with vines and wildflowers.
    the last section is about working in my dream garden, and just calling my deep love and reverence of nature "my work". Another reviewer told me that poet Mary Oliver has said something similar (I did not copy her, I had no idea).
    I was thinking of saying my work was at the little country store that sits above the town on the coast (one road down to this town, no other roads for 12 miles in either direction!). That might be another poem coming up!
    Sorry this is long....
    I always say, too, the poem's meaning is about what it means to you, and how you feel reading it!
    Carol

reply by --Turtle. on 30-Apr-2016
    I felt like I was outside surrounded by pleasure. Thanks for the clarification though, it helps me identify with why it kept slipping through my grasp; as being able to be so submerged in nature is semi-alien to me. The finery and details escape me on occasion because I'm inside my imagination so often and because so often my surroundings are concrete and ashphalt.
Comment from Ben Colder
Excellent
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This is a strong worded poem. Had a little trouble at first, but got it to flow. I find no fault. I saw no mistakes. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
    Yes, someone else said that about the beginning. Thanks for taking a look!
    Carol
Comment from Jonadab Ezerie
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent piece of work .I can relate with this beautiful poem. I love the rhyme . You have great writing skills. I enjoy your unique writing style .Good job

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, I appreciate your review! I checked out your profile too - could not resist the name "sealord" :)
    Carol
Comment from Pam (respa)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-Nice image and impressive poem.
-Full of all kinds of imagery: colors, sights, animals, the ocean.
-A few of the lines I like are:
* "lean back into the velvet night"
* "the wings of music in my trees -
hearts stop to hear the thrushes sing -"
-I didn't know what this meant:
"crytal-pure and fair"

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
    Ugh, I forgot to change that last line you mentioned -should be crystal. Maybe crystal-clear would be better?

    Carol
reply by Pam (respa) on 29-Apr-2016
    You could try just using
    pouring crystal- pure and fair or pouring crystal clear.
    I don't know if you used that if you would want the next line to start with on:
    pouring crystal clear
    on beaches... Try different combinations and go with what you feel fits the best.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
    I wasn't sure I wanted to use crystal clear as that is more of a cliched phrase...but I want it to make sense!
reply by Pam (respa) on 29-Apr-2016
    I like it the way you have it. I think you are right about crystal clear.
Comment from rspoet
Excellent
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Mystical, like a present day druid spirit
touching the heart and soul of existence
your words are your music
best I think unaccompanied
If I quoted a favorite passage I would quote the entire poem
for none should be taken out of context
like a leaf should remain on a tree and a star in the night sky
What a wonderful business you have
for to call on the wind
you must first know the name of the wind
and whisper psithurism
Beautiful poem, perhaps mytical
Probably free form because of the rhyme
but there are writers on both sides of that issue
Alas, I have no six
so on the next clear night, look up
and I'll send your thousands

 Comment Written 29-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
    Hi Robert,
    Didn't you like the music? Lol. That's okay. I probably won't do it often.
    Well, this is the first time I've ever had to look up a word in a review - psithurism. Amazing word!
    I guess free form is more precise than free verse, because of the rhyme. I've been doing "free verse with rhyme" lately after reading TS Eliot - feeling inspired :)
    Thank you so, so much! I'll look for all my stars tonight :))
    Carol
reply by rspoet on 29-Apr-2016
    I don't share psithurism with just anyone. Enjoy the stars.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2016
    Lolol - thank you :)
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have written a beautiful poem full of many well-described images that bring the reader to the scene. You bring in scents, sounds and the feel of the wind. Well done.

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016
    Thank you so much!
    Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
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Well, I can tell rather easily where Dean's talents came in. *smile* Very cool.

I really liked this poem - very different from your usual fare. Very beachy and a very 'Californian' feel to it. Loose and free and wind in your hair -- maybe with in-line blades on your shoes...? Very cool, as I said.

The alliteration and assonance were out the window. Great job.

BTW, if you get a chance, stop by and see the poem I dedicated to you in the last coupla days - about the mountain.

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016
    Yeah, that wasn't a hard one... and thank goodness for Dean, I NEVER would have figured that out! Oh, I certainly will stop by and thanks in advance!!
    The place I'm describing is full of hippies and organic farms - so, yes VERRRRY California :)
    Carol
Comment from misscookie
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted


This is a very deep and emotional poem
You had my attention from the first line to the last.
Your words touched me very deeply.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie

 Comment Written 28-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 28-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Cookie - it was an emotional one to write too,
    Carol
reply by misscookie on 28-Apr-2016
    You're very welcome, take care.
    Cookie