Comment from Wabigoon

Excellent

Gypsy--
I have been reading your haiku and mostly not reviewing them because #1, I dont much care for haiku (my problem) and #2 I do not know what to say about them anyway.

This one just strikes me as...anthropomorphism. I don't think seagulls feel shame and, from what I understand, they follow the boats because they DO get all sorts of goodies--

Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 30-May-2016

Jeff, for goodness sake, why would you read and review something you don't like? LoL, you crack me up, Jeff. I have to love you.

Anthropomorphism? Really? Who uses big ass words like that? Jeff does, that is who. This poem has nothing to do with the immaculate conception or any other deity.

My haiku is about the fishermen having a good day at the office while the poor seagull has nothing to feed her babies and doesn't know what the hell pride and self-importance is.

IF you ever device to review ANYBODY's haiku, here are some things you may give feedback on:

SYLLABLES--is it 17 syllables or less, if yes, say something like, 'good job!' Don't give them a big ass word like anthropomorphism.
KIGO--does it have a season word? It is not about spelling summer, spring, winter or autumn. It's about a subtle connection with the season, like cold ground, harvest moon, fisherman fishing in the river.... Japanese have over 6000 words they use for reasons (www.2hweb.net)
--HAIGA--pictures? paintings? caligraphy? if the haikuist used any kind of pleasing presentation, mention something nice about it, of you don't like it, tell them why. Japanese master hakuist, Basho, used art with haiku in the 18th century so we can still do the same. Don't let haiku amateurs in fanstory tell you good haiku is only plain words, because it is not true.
--First two lines have to be connected grammatically (make sense)
--SATORI - the most important part of a haiku is the satori. It's usually the last line but it could be the first one. It's supposed to make you think, make you feel enlightened.

The whole point of haiku is to paint a picture with words, a slice of time. If you don't see it in your mind, the haikuist failed.

Thank you for the review, Jeff.

*gypsy hugs*
--

Comment from Unspoken94

Excellent

In your title you have "kaiku." Do you want to
change that? As usual, this haiku is such a step
above so many that I review. Why this isn't in a
contest I have no idea. The contrast between
fisherman and bird is so artful. -Bill

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you, Bill :) You are always so kind and encouraging to me, I am very blessed to have a friend like you.

I rarely enter contests, only once in a while, or when a friend asks me to. You may be surprised ..... ;)

I did change the ''kaiku'' thing LOL Thank you for catching that. *gypsy hugs*

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Lovely presentation and haiku, Gypsy. Your satori line is excellent as it seems someone is always moving into another's food supply.

You are so good at these and your love for the forms is most evident.

Great job. :))

Gloria

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you, Gloria, (red face) You are so nice to me. I do love haiku and it comes so naturally to me. I am grateful for you and your review. :)

Comment from MizKat

Excellent

Hi Gypsy,

This is a nice poem with a lovely picture too. I always look forward to reading your poetry as you're very good at writing them. I doubt if I could write the kind with such short lines.

Kat

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you, Kat. :)

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Hello Gypsy;
-this haiku is very close to being a senryu showing the personification of a seagull(seagull's shame).
-The first two lines in a grammatically interconnected and shown imagery that is very distinctly clear and definitively expressive and vividly descriptive.
-The satori gives your writing that aha moment and expresses a spontaneity of excitement and summarizes the relativity of this conceptual theme of your writing.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Alex, the opinion of how senryu and haiku are different or the same is highly controversial.

I know you appreciate haiku, let me share some information about the difference between senryu and haiku:

"haiku". I do not believe the Japanese distinction between haiku and senryu carries into English but believe that any English poem written with a form approximating haiku, and the intent of being a "haiku", is haiku.
http://www.haikuapprentice.com/p/how-to-read-and-judge-haiku.html

Senryu As a Dirty Word
Jane Reichhold

There can never be a clear differentiation between English haiku and senryu because at this stage of development of the genre there is practically none. You can take an apple, cut it in half, call the side with the worm hole senryu and the perfect half haiku, but it is still an apple.
http://www.ahapoetry.com/AHI%20senryu%20art.html

Three hundred years ago when Basho and Onitsure first began separating off the hokku from the rest of renga they were careful to retain the characteristics of the beginning verse to a renga and eager to drop the hai from the complete name of haikai no renga.


What later came to be called senryu, did not evolve out of hokku nor anything near the poetry scene. Currently senryu is not listed in Japanese textbooks on literature as a poetry form with haiku, renga, and tanka ? and for a very good reason.
Then as now, Japanese men gathered in tea or sake houses for their exclusively male orientated activities. In Yoshiwara, the red light area of Edo (Tokyo), in the early 1700's began the custom of the maekuzuke (a contest to write a tan renga with two links of 5-7-5 and 7-7 written between two persons) as one of the entertainments amidst drinking and carousing. A local poet would be paid to write a two-line or three-line poem to which the bar patrons would add or cap with their own best verse to compete for fame and laughs. Due to the atmosphere and the mental condition of the men at the time, these links were witty, satirical (usually degrading to women), and explicitly erotic. Senryu is a verse so lewd it is only signed, if at all, with a nom de plume ? never the person?s real name.

reply by krys123 on 30-May-2016

Thank you for your very interesting
conception of a senryu and his history that had made me very knowledgeable and I thank you for that, you are truly a great and knowledgeable person.
Alex

Comment from Marykelly

Excellent

The image here is one of a successful day for fishermen and the emotional suggestion is that they outdid nature. Seagull's shame indicates that the natural predators were outdone by human fishers.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Good job understanding the meaning of this Poem. Thank you for the review and kind words.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

Sounds like the fisherman had a good day, and the seagulls didn't. Maybe the fisherman will leave a little bit behind for the bird. Interesting connection between the fisherman and the bird, like there's a rivalry. Excellent alliteration in the last line. You also have the human emotion of the fisherman boasting and the seagull experiencing shame. Another day, the seagull might meet with success. Excellent visual picture. judi

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie. I'm happy you got the meaning of this Poem. I really appreciate the way you always read and write me a review for all my writing. You are my best fan.
*gypsy hugs*

reply by judiverse on 29-May-2016

You're very welcome. Write on! judi

Comment from michaelcahill

Excellent

That has some really cool irony and you REALLY involve the reader with this one in true haiku fashion. Yikes. Such implications with this one as far as man's interaction with the other creatures of the world, well, his interference really. A most clever piece. Love it. mikey

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you very much for the review and kind words sweetie pie. I appreciate your time and insightful review.

*gypsy hugs*

Comment from Dean Kuch

Exceptional

Interesting haiku, dear Gypsy, and as always so well presented.
There's a subtle underlying Biblical inference here, I think, which may or may not have been intentional. Christ is often referred to as "a fisher of men."
Aside from that, both lines one & two of your haiku are grammatically connected, your "kigo", or seasonal reference of summer is subtle, yet clearly evident, and your satori, seagull's shame is not only alliterative but a good summation of the words which come before it. I couldn't help but laugh at the comparison, no offense intended.
Yet another well rendered haiku, utilizing a 6/5/3 syllabic count, well within the seventeen syllables, or less, which haiku poetry requires.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

No signature and little emoticon? I like those. I have another friend that doesn't do it sometimes and I always wonder what's up with him, or you. But no worries. I'm an empath (like Diana in star trek), my cognitive and emotional empathy skills are not 100% accurate. :)

Anyway... enough deviation from the review.

I didn't think about the religious connotation but now that you legitimate I can see how you would think that. Perhaps it was unconscious intent.

I was picturing a seagulls trying to provide substance for its babies back at the nest and how disappointed and hungry they would be. Baby birds eat CONSTANTLY and cry a lot if not fed. Can you imagine how painful and shameful that must be for a mother or father? That was my intent. The juxtaposition of boastful fishermen for a good day's job to the survival of the birds. Birds dint have a sense of pride only survival.

As always, you give me one of the best reviews. They are always insightful, intelligent, kind, and professional.

Thank you my friend.

reply by Dean Kuch on 29-May-2016

It is always a pleasure, Gypsy. You are more than welcome.
~Dean :)

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

seagulls shame, I like that good job, good wit and I find a bit humorous. great picture to set this off. have a great day Gypsy.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you for the review and kind words.