Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Marrow Bones"Free verse poems
25 total reviews
Comment from seaglass
I love this, it sounds so old world like something written by Taliesin. I'm obsessed by Stone Hedge. I'm convinced the secret of it's purpose was with the druids and destroyed when they were oppressed by Rome. I hadn't heard the myth of the wounded heel. Hidden in there somewhere is probably some symbolism.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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I love this, it sounds so old world like something written by Taliesin. I'm obsessed by Stone Hedge. I'm convinced the secret of it's purpose was with the druids and destroyed when they were oppressed by Rome. I hadn't heard the myth of the wounded heel. Hidden in there somewhere is probably some symbolism.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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I had not heard of Taliesin - thanks for that! How fascinating. I want to look at Tennyson's Idylls of the Kings which I have not read before - although I'm quite familiar with the stories.
I'm quite interested in Stonehenge too, and also the Callanish Stones in the Outer Hebrides. I believe the construction took place over centuries, and the druids were definitely a part of it. Love that part of history!!
Carol
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In an ancient Celtic legend, Taliesin was the first Bard. There are old writings contributed to him.
Comment from Treischel
A superb tale about Stonehenge, written in this excellent Pantygynt format with welsh rhyming. It reads beautifully. I loved the notes about the devil, stones, and heel. You called it and Awdl Gynt format. I called it in his poem, a Panty Gwdl. In any case. Excellent rhyming and storytelling. Good use of caesura and enjambment. It flowed nicely and had several wonderful touches of alliteration.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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A superb tale about Stonehenge, written in this excellent Pantygynt format with welsh rhyming. It reads beautifully. I loved the notes about the devil, stones, and heel. You called it and Awdl Gynt format. I called it in his poem, a Panty Gwdl. In any case. Excellent rhyming and storytelling. Good use of caesura and enjambment. It flowed nicely and had several wonderful touches of alliteration.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Awdl Gynt or Panty Gwydd, I suppose we'll have to decide what to call it, when we have the contest. Thanks for the great review, Tom, it was a pleasure to write, although tricky due to internal rhyme placement.
Thanks for your kind words here!
Carol
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last.
This is what I call a food for thought reading..... Meaning
After you finish you go mm.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
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You captured my attention from the first line to the last.
This is what I call a food for thought reading..... Meaning
After you finish you go mm.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 11-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
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Thank you for reading,
Carol
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You're very welcome, have a blessed Sunday.
cookie
Comment from Ulla
This is a beautiful poem that I really loved to read and then about one of my favourite places in Britain. I must admit that I don't know the first thing about this form of poetry, but I enjoyed the reading and your lovely words. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
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This is a beautiful poem that I really loved to read and then about one of my favourite places in Britain. I must admit that I don't know the first thing about this form of poetry, but I enjoyed the reading and your lovely words. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 11-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
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Thank you! The form is invented - well, borrowing from Welsh odes (Awdlau) so it's not surprising that you wouldn't know it. I can't wait to see the place for myself, hopefully soon!
Carol
Comment from rama devi
So glad I found time to stop by and review one poem today...and that it's yours, as I LOVED reading this aloud and also feel so proud you won the recognition from the site. Kudos! Much deserved.
Great flow and rhyming and internal rhyming and phonetics. I'll not list them all, as I know you know I noticed each nuance, so I'll let those six stars speak for themselves.
But I think my favorite is the first stanza. Read it aloud thrice. Tongue candy! Great descirptive quality.
I feel within my marrow bones
these clustered stones; a ring
through which the wind now sifts and moans.
Unknowns so strangely cling.
I love how the well-timed internal rhymes lace through so many stanzas like macrame. This line is wonderful too:
monoliths of silent grace;
I like the use of dashes here for dramatic pause effect and all the alliteration as well:
mid-summer rays within the wheel --
so well revealed at dawn --
from Heel Stone flung at friar's heel
with zeal by devil's brawn.
But I do think overusing dashes is not optimal, so I suggest not using them here:
So long ago, in fields and fens--
Old Earth was then so young--
from Giant's Ring and oaken glens
rang out an ancient tongue.
Alternative:
So long ago, in fields and fens,
Old Earth was then so young...
from Giant's Ring and oaken glens
rang out an ancient tongue.
The meter is flawless up until this line which seems to me to have forced scansion on the word without:
lived well, without need for disguise,
IDEA: lived well, with no need for disguise
optional suggestion:
You'll see(,) perhaps(,) a swirl of cloak,
Suggest not using two dashes here as well:
This fleeting figure robed in white--
a shade; perhaps a wraith, or wight--
This fleeting figure robed in white--
a shade; perhaps a wraith, or wight...
In spite of those few suggestions, this certainly deserves a six. Superb. Exquisitely woven phrasing and what a great tribute to those ancient Stones and the druids too.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
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So glad I found time to stop by and review one poem today...and that it's yours, as I LOVED reading this aloud and also feel so proud you won the recognition from the site. Kudos! Much deserved.
Great flow and rhyming and internal rhyming and phonetics. I'll not list them all, as I know you know I noticed each nuance, so I'll let those six stars speak for themselves.
But I think my favorite is the first stanza. Read it aloud thrice. Tongue candy! Great descirptive quality.
I feel within my marrow bones
these clustered stones; a ring
through which the wind now sifts and moans.
Unknowns so strangely cling.
I love how the well-timed internal rhymes lace through so many stanzas like macrame. This line is wonderful too:
monoliths of silent grace;
I like the use of dashes here for dramatic pause effect and all the alliteration as well:
mid-summer rays within the wheel --
so well revealed at dawn --
from Heel Stone flung at friar's heel
with zeal by devil's brawn.
But I do think overusing dashes is not optimal, so I suggest not using them here:
So long ago, in fields and fens--
Old Earth was then so young--
from Giant's Ring and oaken glens
rang out an ancient tongue.
Alternative:
So long ago, in fields and fens,
Old Earth was then so young...
from Giant's Ring and oaken glens
rang out an ancient tongue.
The meter is flawless up until this line which seems to me to have forced scansion on the word without:
lived well, without need for disguise,
IDEA: lived well, with no need for disguise
optional suggestion:
You'll see(,) perhaps(,) a swirl of cloak,
Suggest not using two dashes here as well:
This fleeting figure robed in white--
a shade; perhaps a wraith, or wight--
This fleeting figure robed in white--
a shade; perhaps a wraith, or wight...
In spite of those few suggestions, this certainly deserves a six. Superb. Exquisitely woven phrasing and what a great tribute to those ancient Stones and the druids too.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 10-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
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Wow, what a fantastic review, this really made my day. The poem was a bit challenging to write due to the precise placement of internal rhymes, but with some thought and a few revisions, I think it came out well.
I appreciate the alternate suggestions for punctuation, for I found that to be a challenge as well. I like your suggestion for the line... "with no need for disguise"...I agree that works slightly better. That was a tough line, in part due to struggling to find a rhyme that would fit, and make sense in the context of talking about the ancient people. But it's amazing what a simple change can do to make a line flow better. This is the exact reason that I LOVE getting feedback like this. It's like carefully sculpting a piece of work :)
Gynt is going to have a contest using this invented form, it will be a fun one. I'm also entering two Shakespearean sonnet contests, although I'm sure the competition will be fierce!
Thanks for this very kind, and helpful review!
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Indeed, your poem came out superbly because all those internal rhymes were seamless and flowing.
I think your work is top notch, and a contest win will grace your horizon eventually. :)
So glad you found the review helpful. I'm always pleased to help sculpt things to thier best potential. It's not as easy to see our own work as objectively as it is too see other people's work. Serious writers will always welcome feedback on those polishing perspectives, but not everyone on FS welcomes that or is capable of it. Still, it's a wonderful place to share your work and get feedback of all kinds. Over the years, many (most) of my mentor-like friends here are long gone to other poetic pastures but it gives me joy to pass on the insights they passed on to me (and from previous sites before FS) and whatever sparks of insight might occasionally fly from my own muse...who seems to thrive on helping others shine, as the best ideas come when I'm editing other works than my own. LOL
Love,
rd
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
This is really really interesting to me b/c I've been reading about Stone Henge (plus all the pyramids) for years. Also the rhyme scheme is wonderful--it rolls us along, kind of like a song with the 3 little off-to-the-side rhymes like choruses. I thought for sure you were standing right there, writing in your little notebook. Then when you explain below answering all the questions your readers have--that's fantastic.
I'm sure you have a best-seller on your hands right now! Til the next one!
Marcia
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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This is really really interesting to me b/c I've been reading about Stone Henge (plus all the pyramids) for years. Also the rhyme scheme is wonderful--it rolls us along, kind of like a song with the 3 little off-to-the-side rhymes like choruses. I thought for sure you were standing right there, writing in your little notebook. Then when you explain below answering all the questions your readers have--that's fantastic.
I'm sure you have a best-seller on your hands right now! Til the next one!
Marcia
Comment Written 10-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Thanks, Marcia, one of these days I will be standing there...notebook in hand, for sure!!
Hugs,
Carol
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
You are so good with this form. Love what you have done here and as I always am so impressed with your stories and your history lessons. Great work with your rhyme and meter in this piece. Loved it.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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You are so good with this form. Love what you have done here and as I always am so impressed with your stories and your history lessons. Great work with your rhyme and meter in this piece. Loved it.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much!
Carol
Comment from Leineco
While I cannot say I completely understand (nor have parsed) this form - I can say I find it intrinsically soothing and compelling when I read it :-)
As to the contents - Bravo!
I loved the combination of what's felt in the marrow of your bones (the sort of "genetic connection" that pulls on you) and the intertwining of Celtic mythology.
(This was the first time I have come across the Heel Stone explanation - cool find!)
Mostly though, what I really was drawn into was the entire "cryptic-ness" that
continues to this day to surround Stonehenge. (Have you seen what they have uncovered with the new ground radar about the areas surrounding Stonehenge?)
Anyway - poetically speaking I found this read to be "Exceptional, Simply Outstanding"! :-)
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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While I cannot say I completely understand (nor have parsed) this form - I can say I find it intrinsically soothing and compelling when I read it :-)
As to the contents - Bravo!
I loved the combination of what's felt in the marrow of your bones (the sort of "genetic connection" that pulls on you) and the intertwining of Celtic mythology.
(This was the first time I have come across the Heel Stone explanation - cool find!)
Mostly though, what I really was drawn into was the entire "cryptic-ness" that
continues to this day to surround Stonehenge. (Have you seen what they have uncovered with the new ground radar about the areas surrounding Stonehenge?)
Anyway - poetically speaking I found this read to be "Exceptional, Simply Outstanding"! :-)
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I didn't really elaborate on the form, it's a bit complicated. I'm not sure if I've seen the latest info, I'll have to check it out.
I really appreciate your words here :)
Carol
Comment from johnwilson
I swear, your honor, they've taken all my sixes, these Wrights....this is exceptional, as usual. It's so beautiful it took my breath for a second as does any great piece of poetry. Under these difficult constraints you managed to produce another awe-inspiring piece. Thank you from us peons.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I swear, your honor, they've taken all my sixes, these Wrights....this is exceptional, as usual. It's so beautiful it took my breath for a second as does any great piece of poetry. Under these difficult constraints you managed to produce another awe-inspiring piece. Thank you from us peons.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Aw, thank you, but you're no peon, your work is amazing...I learn from reading your poems, and others here. The constraints of the internal rhymes, I have to admit, were a challenge. :)
Carol
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a great poem about Stonehenge Carol. This Awdl Gynt
form is growing on me. I may have done one, can't recall
but I am sure I will try it eventually. LOL So this theory is just as believable as the thought of Aliens doing it. Merlin and a Giant. Yep that's got to be it! This deserves a six gal. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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What a great poem about Stonehenge Carol. This Awdl Gynt
form is growing on me. I may have done one, can't recall
but I am sure I will try it eventually. LOL So this theory is just as believable as the thought of Aliens doing it. Merlin and a Giant. Yep that's got to be it! This deserves a six gal. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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This form is new, actually, an amalgamation of the Pantygynt and Awdl Gwydd...I think you did a Gwydd. Hey, if you get a chance, check out my POM entry!!
Thanks, Carol
