How to Get Lost in Italy
Hate is a universal language44 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
You managed to bring this rather scary and what could have been a dangerous wrong left turn into something interesting and in the end you added the idea of eating horse meat--I found that yucky but funny.
Best of luck at the Fireside Storytelling on 7/13.
I agree it was best to remove the reference to a mass shooting and keep the piece about YOUR experiences and perceptions. The former would have distracted from your main subject.
:) ellen
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2016
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You managed to bring this rather scary and what could have been a dangerous wrong left turn into something interesting and in the end you added the idea of eating horse meat--I found that yucky but funny.
Best of luck at the Fireside Storytelling on 7/13.
I agree it was best to remove the reference to a mass shooting and keep the piece about YOUR experiences and perceptions. The former would have distracted from your main subject.
:) ellen
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2016
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Yes, Ellen. it haunted me that before the Orlando incident my story had a line about a mass shooting. When I deleted the line, I replaced it with MY experiences and perceptions and made it a better story. Thank you for your review and for wishing me success at Fireside Storytelling.
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I just know it will be well accepted. Fine story telling.
Comment from Day Z Chayn
I have to hand it to you Andre, that at least you were given an experience which exceeded your expectations. At least you were not in Brazil site of this year's Summer Olympics. Two situations would be to your disfavor there:
Members of the LGBT community are in many instances murdered without provocation. Another common alternative is to have your own sexual preference beaten out of you in the form of physical abuse. These actions occur again without provocation in Brazil.
Another difficulty is the use of the American "okay" sign in Brazil. The "okay" sign is equivalent to your "flipping the bird" here at home, traffic or no traffic.
Actions such as these also described can and also should NOT be tolerated within the LGBT community, EVER, ANYWHERE in the world. Never. NEVER EVER.
Ever grateful,
Shane
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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I have to hand it to you Andre, that at least you were given an experience which exceeded your expectations. At least you were not in Brazil site of this year's Summer Olympics. Two situations would be to your disfavor there:
Members of the LGBT community are in many instances murdered without provocation. Another common alternative is to have your own sexual preference beaten out of you in the form of physical abuse. These actions occur again without provocation in Brazil.
Another difficulty is the use of the American "okay" sign in Brazil. The "okay" sign is equivalent to your "flipping the bird" here at home, traffic or no traffic.
Actions such as these also described can and also should NOT be tolerated within the LGBT community, EVER, ANYWHERE in the world. Never. NEVER EVER.
Ever grateful,
Shane
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Yes, Shane, at least I am not in Brazil for the Olympics, and I may never go there. I found your review to be very informative. It shows the perils of traveling to regions that are less tolerant. You can get killed wandering in the wrong neighborhood, and sometimes you can get killed in the "right" neighborhood. Thanks again for your review.
Comment from chcbeck
I enjoyed this piece very much you kept my attention as I followed your trek through Italy. I like how if you had taken the different turning your story would have been different. I was also surprised to learn about the hate. A great read and good luck with your tour.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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I enjoyed this piece very much you kept my attention as I followed your trek through Italy. I like how if you had taken the different turning your story would have been different. I was also surprised to learn about the hate. A great read and good luck with your tour.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Thank you, chcbeck, for your review. I am glad you learned something about the good and the bad of Italy, but there are pluses and minuses everywhere. Thanks again.
Comment from TAB_that's me
How scary to get lost in a different city especially a foreign country.
I'm sorry you were discriminated against because of your color. Even if you were Muslim, there is no reason to hate someone based on that.
Hate is universal. Love and Kindness is too though, thankfully.
Was it only the one group that was homophobic against you or others as well?
You certainly had quite a story to tell and you did very entertainingly:)
Teresa
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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How scary to get lost in a different city especially a foreign country.
I'm sorry you were discriminated against because of your color. Even if you were Muslim, there is no reason to hate someone based on that.
Hate is universal. Love and Kindness is too though, thankfully.
Was it only the one group that was homophobic against you or others as well?
You certainly had quite a story to tell and you did very entertainingly:)
Teresa
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Teresa, yes, that one group on the train station platform was the most overt in its expression of homophobia, but in Italian culture, Muslims and North Africans seldom hang out with Italians. The Muslims and Africans live as separate cultures on the bottom of Italian society. So, when I, a black man, went sightseeing, dining, and shopping with my white partner, we drew stares from all quarters. I can tell from people's expressions that they were trying to ascertain the exact nature of our relationship. I got the feeling that people assumed that my white partner had picked up a North African hustler--something you never do in broad daylight. Despite our experience, I still want to return to Italy. We were last there in 2010, but since that time the refugee crisis and ISIS attacks likely have increased Italian fears, hatreds, and suspicions of anyone who appears to come from Africa or the Middle East.
Thank you for your review.
Comment from amada
Well written story. I read it because I would like to go to Italy someday. Somewhat reluctant now! For sure the story kept me going until the cavallo sauce. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Well written story. I read it because I would like to go to Italy someday. Somewhat reluctant now! For sure the story kept me going until the cavallo sauce. Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Amada, go to Italy. Do not let my story dissuade you. Use common sense and have a good time. Thank you for your review.
Comment from c_lucas
A well written post with a touch of humor. In the middle of my seventh decade, I have no desire to eat horse meat. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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A well written post with a touch of humor. In the middle of my seventh decade, I have no desire to eat horse meat. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Thank you, c_lucas, for your generous review. I don't think I will eat horse meat again, but I am glad I tried it because it gave me a story to tell. Thanks.
Comment from Jay Squires
How I envy you--not that you went to Italy ... I was there, in Firenze, for two months and loved it. I envy your obvious skill in public speaking. This will be a beautiful addition to your repertoire. You controlled the tempo of your suspense during the "lost" portion. I was so tempted to reward this with a six for the quality of the content, but because of the nits it wouldn't be fair to other posts. Damn, but just know how I admire you.
Hey, we're on vacation and we planned to eat and drink our way through Tuscany.
[Okay, a technicality. So take or reject. You are delivering this in the past tense. I realize the sentence I chose you want to have light and conversational. The first clause of it does that--in the present tense. Acceptable and even desirable to keep "it in the moment." But, as such, it should be italicized (which creates the obvious problem that the rest of the sentence is in the past tense). A solution would be to have a period after "vacation," and italicize that phrase, leaving the rest in the past tense and unitalicized. Or you could italicize the entire sentence, which I think sounds best. Third choice: tell me to bug off, LOL.]
then I might go out for dinner?" [Did you want this ending in a question mark? ]
I left the apartment entered the night. [some punctuation needed after APARTMENT.]
You know the stereotype about men's reluctance to ask for directions. [This seems to cry out for a question mark.]
That wall stood fifty feet high and twenty feet think. [...twenty feet THICK.]
As I ran, my imagination ran away from me. [The colloquial I believe you intended here was, "... my imagination ran away with me." Dang it ... I knew that would happen. Now it doesn't sound right. Perhaps, never mind.]
Everyone ran through gate of the city. [... ran through THE ? gate ...]
. I stood as a barbarian at the gate. [What an imaginative metaphor of an imagined incident.]
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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How I envy you--not that you went to Italy ... I was there, in Firenze, for two months and loved it. I envy your obvious skill in public speaking. This will be a beautiful addition to your repertoire. You controlled the tempo of your suspense during the "lost" portion. I was so tempted to reward this with a six for the quality of the content, but because of the nits it wouldn't be fair to other posts. Damn, but just know how I admire you.
Hey, we're on vacation and we planned to eat and drink our way through Tuscany.
[Okay, a technicality. So take or reject. You are delivering this in the past tense. I realize the sentence I chose you want to have light and conversational. The first clause of it does that--in the present tense. Acceptable and even desirable to keep "it in the moment." But, as such, it should be italicized (which creates the obvious problem that the rest of the sentence is in the past tense). A solution would be to have a period after "vacation," and italicize that phrase, leaving the rest in the past tense and unitalicized. Or you could italicize the entire sentence, which I think sounds best. Third choice: tell me to bug off, LOL.]
then I might go out for dinner?" [Did you want this ending in a question mark? ]
I left the apartment entered the night. [some punctuation needed after APARTMENT.]
You know the stereotype about men's reluctance to ask for directions. [This seems to cry out for a question mark.]
That wall stood fifty feet high and twenty feet think. [...twenty feet THICK.]
As I ran, my imagination ran away from me. [The colloquial I believe you intended here was, "... my imagination ran away with me." Dang it ... I knew that would happen. Now it doesn't sound right. Perhaps, never mind.]
Everyone ran through gate of the city. [... ran through THE ? gate ...]
. I stood as a barbarian at the gate. [What an imaginative metaphor of an imagined incident.]
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Yes, Jay, I am thrilled and humbled at my talent to perform my stories as well as write them. This is one of my most finely structured stories, and I look forward to performing it this week and beyond.
Thank you for your honest feedback and corrections of nits. Your feedback is more valuable to me than six stars because I want to improve as a writer. I copied and printed your review so that I can correct nits one after another. Thanks.
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Good luck with the recitation--or break a leg, whichever is appropriate. I'm glad you found the review helpful.
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Jay, I won third place $50.00 in the Story Showdown contest with my story. Thank you for your review which improved it.
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Congratulations, Andre. Is there a recording of it you'll share with FS? I'd love to hear it.
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Jay, I made an audio recording but not a video recording. Let me see what I can do. Thanks.
Comment from MTF1955
That is a great story. It's ashame people judge others by the bias's that have been instilled in them. You make me want to go to Siena. Great read. Mary
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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That is a great story. It's ashame people judge others by the bias's that have been instilled in them. You make me want to go to Siena. Great read. Mary
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Please, do go to Siena, Mary. I had a great time and a harrowing time. I was searching Trip Advisor for pictures to use for my post. They brought back many memories. I wish to return, but will be more careful. Thank you for your review.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hate is a universal language. You can tell when people hate you.
We need a sign made with this slogan, my friend.
You have a wonderful writing style, and warm sense of humor.
An enjoyable read about a city in Italy through another person's point of view.
You are honest and open about who you are and what you feel.
Well done,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Hate is a universal language. You can tell when people hate you.
We need a sign made with this slogan, my friend.
You have a wonderful writing style, and warm sense of humor.
An enjoyable read about a city in Italy through another person's point of view.
You are honest and open about who you are and what you feel.
Well done,
Rhonda
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Rhonda, for your generous review and for pointing out the slogan-like lines that resonated with you. I appreciate your encouragement.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hello Andre,
I love this poignant and engaging story. It seems your mind was lost, and your body followed. It's good to hear that they eventually reunited, and led you home.
This story says so much about your personality. I work in a Walmart--150K square feet. People often get separated from others in their party. Common sense dictates the correct course of action: Go to an associate, have your party paged, or at least stay in one place until you spot the people you're looking for. When both parties continuously search for the other, they can walk long distances without success, but I've seen this behavior repeatedly.
One day a mother was screaming her young daughter's name at the top of her lungs. I calmed her down and told her, "If you're separated from your child, you never want to scream her name, because that makes her more vulnerable."
Common sense is the only app we need, and it's free.
Good luck in the contest,
Lana
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Hello Andre,
I love this poignant and engaging story. It seems your mind was lost, and your body followed. It's good to hear that they eventually reunited, and led you home.
This story says so much about your personality. I work in a Walmart--150K square feet. People often get separated from others in their party. Common sense dictates the correct course of action: Go to an associate, have your party paged, or at least stay in one place until you spot the people you're looking for. When both parties continuously search for the other, they can walk long distances without success, but I've seen this behavior repeatedly.
One day a mother was screaming her young daughter's name at the top of her lungs. I calmed her down and told her, "If you're separated from your child, you never want to scream her name, because that makes her more vulnerable."
Common sense is the only app we need, and it's free.
Good luck in the contest,
Lana
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Yes, Lana, common sense is the only app we need. I bungled my way through Siena like Mr Magoo. I am glad I got a good story and a chuckle out of it. Thank you for your review.
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Thank you, Lana, for wishing me success in the Story Showdown contest. I won third place and $50.00. What remains now is the FanStory Nonfiction contest. Thank you for your support.
