The Tower
I'll do it.41 total reviews
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Jay: I'm late. You add in a lot of dialogue to move the story. I like how you detail the face and hands on your model, looking through artist eyes. Pancakes seem tasty and plenty. You show friendship and chatter of time fellowship in your man cave.
Did you live in Texas? We were in Dallas, 18 years. Enjoy your weekend, Jay. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
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Jay: I'm late. You add in a lot of dialogue to move the story. I like how you detail the face and hands on your model, looking through artist eyes. Pancakes seem tasty and plenty. You show friendship and chatter of time fellowship in your man cave.
Did you live in Texas? We were in Dallas, 18 years. Enjoy your weekend, Jay. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 30-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
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Thanks, Nancy. I was in Texas a total of about 1 1/2 years. San Antonio and Austin. So do appreciate your reading this.
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Jay: very pretty cities. Glad you enjoyed the area. nancy
Comment from Bill Schott
Your writing is so rich with dialog and nuances of character that I feel quite unqualified to do more than simply read it. This third-person autobiography is a little different from its inception. It certainly helps, I would suppose, to know Jay's true feelings in the story.
All of the communications between friends seem like they happened yesterday. The dialog never gets distilled to generalities, but seems to have many details (along with your great gift of sarcasm) that come from conversations more recent that recalled from years past.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Your writing is so rich with dialog and nuances of character that I feel quite unqualified to do more than simply read it. This third-person autobiography is a little different from its inception. It certainly helps, I would suppose, to know Jay's true feelings in the story.
All of the communications between friends seem like they happened yesterday. The dialog never gets distilled to generalities, but seems to have many details (along with your great gift of sarcasm) that come from conversations more recent that recalled from years past.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Bill, thank you for the six stars. I'm really honored by that. And your words even exceed that honor.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, Wow this is quite the memoir and I liked the way you let others tell your story from their point of view. The conversations are very realistic and great imagery throughout. A great entry and good luck with it. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Hi Jay, Wow this is quite the memoir and I liked the way you let others tell your story from their point of view. The conversations are very realistic and great imagery throughout. A great entry and good luck with it. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Many thanks, Ulla. I'm really happy you enjoyed this.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
A very engaging read here. Great descriptions abound throughout, and good character conveying in this well written piece.
It took me a little while but I figured it out that the POV is not your own but the recollections were. An interesting way of doing it and it works very well. I guess it gives the differing perspective.
Nice and good luck
G
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Hi Jay,
A very engaging read here. Great descriptions abound throughout, and good character conveying in this well written piece.
It took me a little while but I figured it out that the POV is not your own but the recollections were. An interesting way of doing it and it works very well. I guess it gives the differing perspective.
Nice and good luck
G
Comment Written 25-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Thanks for taking the time to read this, G. Yes, I was trying for a different way of looking at my life through other's eyes. Thanks for your well-wishes.
Comment from Gloria ....
I noticed right off you have The Fool card as artwork and The Tower as the title, so I knew this was going to be an interesting take on your biographical story.
As always your impeccable descriptions, I can totally see Rory and the overstuffed chair.
We learned you went to the U of T and don't swear, except in creative writing.
When you're a teacher it's always good for all your students to be your best pupils. Neither is it ever good to try to be Godlike.
I enjoyed your unique POV and too bad about the sketches.
I think your unique take on this works very well so I wish you all the best in the contest. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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I noticed right off you have The Fool card as artwork and The Tower as the title, so I knew this was going to be an interesting take on your biographical story.
As always your impeccable descriptions, I can totally see Rory and the overstuffed chair.
We learned you went to the U of T and don't swear, except in creative writing.
When you're a teacher it's always good for all your students to be your best pupils. Neither is it ever good to try to be Godlike.
I enjoyed your unique POV and too bad about the sketches.
I think your unique take on this works very well so I wish you all the best in the contest. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Don't make anything too profound about the "Fool" card used for the picture of a story entitled "The Tower." Actually, I tried until I was sick of trying to get Google Images to work for FanStories. I never had trouble with it on my Dell, but then I bought this new HP lap top and it's a no go. I had to go to FanArt and the only "Tower" they had was a radio tower and a water tower. But damn! They had "the Fool".
It was the viewpoint character, George (my legal name BTW) who went to UofT. Jay was a counselor at Arton Heights school for emotionally disturbed children.
Gloria, as usual, thanks so much for reading this. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Sis Cat
Fantastic. You captured the dialogue and characters from a specific time and place in your life--college. The conversation feels and sound natural and authentic I observed that you did not write it from your first person perspective but another's. I since the dynamics and rivalries between the characters, especially over who was the favorite pupil. I have sketches that I never gave to people. The ungiven drawings always haunt me, and I sometimes fantasize how it would be like to give them to the intended after all of these years.
I also found fresh that you adapted fiction-like prose to a memoir/biographical story. Did you use diary entries to recreate this scene and conversation?
Tight writing, although you should insert a blank line above, "Jamison stared down at the steaming pancakes like he was taking stock."
Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Fantastic. You captured the dialogue and characters from a specific time and place in your life--college. The conversation feels and sound natural and authentic I observed that you did not write it from your first person perspective but another's. I since the dynamics and rivalries between the characters, especially over who was the favorite pupil. I have sketches that I never gave to people. The ungiven drawings always haunt me, and I sometimes fantasize how it would be like to give them to the intended after all of these years.
I also found fresh that you adapted fiction-like prose to a memoir/biographical story. Did you use diary entries to recreate this scene and conversation?
Tight writing, although you should insert a blank line above, "Jamison stared down at the steaming pancakes like he was taking stock."
Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Hey, Andre. I so appreciate your kindness once again. When I wrote this piece I read the description of FanStory's contest: "Everyone has a memoir. Not an autobiography. Too much concern about fact and convention. A memoir gives us the ability to write about our life with the option to create and fabricate and to make sense of a life, or part of that life."
This is the reason I chose the POV character to be George (which name, conincidentally--or not so-- is my legal name). It gave me a slightly different perspective of what was going on in my head at the time.
I confused a lot of readers, I'm afraid, leading them to believe this was a college dorm. It was not. It was the counselors' dorm at Arton Heights school for emotionally disturbed children. In the story, only George went to the U of T and worked at the Arton Heights school part time.
I did not use diary entries. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I didn't keep a journal in my early years. My later years either for that matter. Thanks for the well-wishes for the contest. I think both of us had our fingers crossed when we said that to the other, lol.
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Yes, Jay, my greatest celebration is that I have kept a diary for forty years. I mined many of my stories, such as my last one, from the pages of my diaries. Nevertheless, you do an excellent job recreating and remembering your past the best you can.
One of the challenges I face is that I remember things one way and I wrote them down another way. When I write a new story I have to reconcile memory with diary, keeping in mind that my diary is a construction of self-editing. It was my perception of what happened, but sometimes my memory of what really happened is even stronger.
Thank you for sharing your story. and I wish you success in the contest.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You know, I would say that all of spend a lifetime rolling a ball up a hill, and no sooner than it's nearing the top, it rolls back down. And of course, we just have to push it back up the hill, again. But at least most of us don't have to pack all those balls around. LOL! Thanks for sharing another of your fine stories! :-)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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You know, I would say that all of spend a lifetime rolling a ball up a hill, and no sooner than it's nearing the top, it rolls back down. And of course, we just have to push it back up the hill, again. But at least most of us don't have to pack all those balls around. LOL! Thanks for sharing another of your fine stories! :-)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Don't say things like that when I've a mouthful of coffee, Ric. Now I have to clean off the screen. LOL, thanks for your kind words
Comment from write hand blue
Hi Jay. The story is cleverly told with good attention to background details that don't intrude.
I confess I had to read it three times and can't work out who's pov it is. And must admit I found I had to keep backtracking to take everything in. But that's just my opinion. Others will say different. Good story there Jay...
~Mel~
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Hi Jay. The story is cleverly told with good attention to background details that don't intrude.
I confess I had to read it three times and can't work out who's pov it is. And must admit I found I had to keep backtracking to take everything in. But that's just my opinion. Others will say different. Good story there Jay...
~Mel~
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Mel. George is the POV character. That gives me a little distance from "Jay." You're not the only one who was confused. I think you're the only one who read it three times. And then to backtrack on top of it. I'm flattered. Sorry, though, it didn't work out for you. It wasn't designed to be a quick read, but I can't excuse myself for it not being understandable. That's just sloppiness.
Thank you again for reading it.
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Don't apologize Jay, a lot of it is me. The years are showing. LOL
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Hi, Jay. A well written story and interesting. Good work with introducing the characters to the readers. Hope your writing is going well. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Hi, Jay. A well written story and interesting. Good work with introducing the characters to the readers. Hope your writing is going well. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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Thanks for reading this, Debbie. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought this was interesting. Clarence seems like a weird guy, and I had to laugh you took your parents to meet him. A couple of times in the beginning I had trouble knowing who was saying what as there were many characters in the same room. Did George ever sketch your picture?
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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I thought this was interesting. Clarence seems like a weird guy, and I had to laugh you took your parents to meet him. A couple of times in the beginning I had trouble knowing who was saying what as there were many characters in the same room. Did George ever sketch your picture?
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2016
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George was a fictitious element in the story, but if he would have sketched my picture I'd have liked it. He was good at what he did. Mainly he was the rock in the dorm. He tried to keep the characters honest and on topic. The scatteredness of the dialogue was intentional. Each had his agenda and point of pride. And each tried to hide the integral part of himself from the others. It was supposed to be a study of innocence and pride--pushing the rock up the mountain, only to have the weight of it force the characters back to the bottom.