Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Shaking Leaves"Free verse poems
16 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
Lovely photo that complements your poem perfectly. I did not follow it completely, but it is for sure a free verse. Nice alliteration and one simile in it. Must have been nice to see.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
  |
Lovely photo that complements your poem perfectly. I did not follow it completely, but it is for sure a free verse. Nice alliteration and one simile in it. Must have been nice to see.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
-
The cottonwoods inspire memories of a few happy moments of childhood plagued by emotional abuse - making one overly sensitive as an adult. Thanks for reading,
Carol
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
This is what I call a food for thought poem,.... meaning after you read it you go mm
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
|
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
This is what I call a food for thought poem,.... meaning after you read it you go mm
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
-
Thank you so much, Cookie,
Carol
-
You're very welcome
Have a nice day.
We are going to had two rainy days in a row.
It's okay we need the rain.
Take care.
Cookie
Comment from kiwisteveh
Ho, Carol - haven't seen anything of yours for a while. I've read it a few times, trying to glean the sense of what's happening.
The beginning is obviously designed to shock - the verbal abuse is obviously part of a pattern - another gash in the web of weeping.
Then comes the reference to the beauty of the cottonwood trees and their beautiful, floating cotton - I believe they are related to our poplar trees which are releasing their floating debris right now across the road.
The two brief lines in parentheses signal a change in point of view perhaps, or an internal thought, as opposed to the rest which is addressed to the abusive 'you'. Are you saying that missing the beauty of nature helped create the cruelty, or just that the nature of the man (presumably) means he would be unlikely to notice such things?
Nice parallel between the sap painted on bare feet and the bleeding feet wading through broken glass - shock image again - abuse again? Now it's physical, and this is also suggested by the 'bloody eye' of the last line.
That he is 'stoutly shod' is an interesting contrast - immune to the broken glass.
How am I doing? It's certainly evocative, but I may be barking up the wrong (cottonwood) tree!
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
|
Ho, Carol - haven't seen anything of yours for a while. I've read it a few times, trying to glean the sense of what's happening.
The beginning is obviously designed to shock - the verbal abuse is obviously part of a pattern - another gash in the web of weeping.
Then comes the reference to the beauty of the cottonwood trees and their beautiful, floating cotton - I believe they are related to our poplar trees which are releasing their floating debris right now across the road.
The two brief lines in parentheses signal a change in point of view perhaps, or an internal thought, as opposed to the rest which is addressed to the abusive 'you'. Are you saying that missing the beauty of nature helped create the cruelty, or just that the nature of the man (presumably) means he would be unlikely to notice such things?
Nice parallel between the sap painted on bare feet and the bleeding feet wading through broken glass - shock image again - abuse again? Now it's physical, and this is also suggested by the 'bloody eye' of the last line.
That he is 'stoutly shod' is an interesting contrast - immune to the broken glass.
How am I doing? It's certainly evocative, but I may be barking up the wrong (cottonwood) tree!
Steve
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
-
Yes, the opening line probably feels shocking - and it is, because words like that aren't a thing that some people can just get used to. It hurts every time (creating the web).
The beauty of the early summer trees recalls a time of innocence, but honestly, even then there were cruel words uttered almost daily (my father). Instead of building up a thick skin, some of us just become even more sensitive. Verbal abuse can feel like physical abuse (walking through broken glass - just wanting a place to feel emotionally safe).
Does a person like that not see or feel the beauty in the world - or in the person opposite him?
I'm still trying to figure it out myself,
Carol
-
Well done. Never easy to open up about such stuff.
Comment from rama devi
It certainly works. Outstanding extended metaphor---so inventive and imaginative! Marvelously expressive, creative, original and visual. I especially loved the imagery and voicing here as well as the phonetics:
you've never seen the
early summer cottonwoods
shake their new leaves
as puffs of cotton
break free -
impossibly light -
to float in honeyed air?
(never not-good-enough) - -POTENT LINE.
Love the way the assonance of I sounds like far-flung rhyme (Bitch and missed and impossibly and grip)
Fine alliteration o S and B woven through the poem as well.
Great use fo spacing (and parenthesis) to sculpt cadence and deliver.
Kudos, dear. A six for you.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
 |
It certainly works. Outstanding extended metaphor---so inventive and imaginative! Marvelously expressive, creative, original and visual. I especially loved the imagery and voicing here as well as the phonetics:
you've never seen the
early summer cottonwoods
shake their new leaves
as puffs of cotton
break free -
impossibly light -
to float in honeyed air?
(never not-good-enough) - -POTENT LINE.
Love the way the assonance of I sounds like far-flung rhyme (Bitch and missed and impossibly and grip)
Fine alliteration o S and B woven through the poem as well.
Great use fo spacing (and parenthesis) to sculpt cadence and deliver.
Kudos, dear. A six for you.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 28-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
-
Thank you, dear RD. This poem sort of explains why I'm so sensitive to unkind comments - the cottonwoods represent a few memories of a childhood that was plagued by shyness, insecurity and fear, anger and verbal abuse from my father.
Thank you for understanding, and appreciating the poem :))
Carol
-
h sweetie...I had the very same issues with ym own father (a rageaholic) and it's taken a lifetime to overcome the low self esteem issues that stem from such a start in life! Totally understand!
Love,
rd
-
That's a good way to put it - rageaholic - my dad was like that. Never drank at all, but the way he acted, he might as well have. It does take a lifetime! Hugs,
Carol
-
Ah yes Indeed. Mine WAS alcoholic for a time. But even after he successfully quit drinking, his behavior did not abate.
Before he died, though, he changed totally (through Parkinson's disease) and the inner sweetie within was released. He was so affectionate underneath all that rage. I thought this might give you insight...because the more intensely angry someone is on the outside, the likely more wounded, hurt, afraid and vulnerable and fragile they are on the inside. That was the case with my dad, at least. His armor had been impenetrable for a reason...but Divine Grace removed it in the end and let his soul shine so beautifully...hope the same happens for your dad.
-
What a beautiful ending to his story. I do get along well with my dad these days, and I really love him. He was in a miserable relationship with my mom, they were so unsuited to each other. He's remarried now, much happier, and easier for me to deal with. It's a very good change!
-
How nice to hear! Glad that it shifted. Yay! :-)))
Comment from Gloria ....
This works really well for me, Carol. Right off the insensitivity of the speaker is noted with labeling the receiver a bitch. An undesirable, a problem and yet they haven't considered the other side of the impossibly light cotton that breaks free.
And because the beauty of opposites was missed yes, it was only a muddy boot that missed all the gentle beauty.
That's how I read it, and the beauty is, it can be read a number of ways.
Thanks for sharing. :))
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
|
This works really well for me, Carol. Right off the insensitivity of the speaker is noted with labeling the receiver a bitch. An undesirable, a problem and yet they haven't considered the other side of the impossibly light cotton that breaks free.
And because the beauty of opposites was missed yes, it was only a muddy boot that missed all the gentle beauty.
That's how I read it, and the beauty is, it can be read a number of ways.
Thanks for sharing. :))
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Gloria, for understanding. It starts with hurtful words, a lashing out against you personally rather than at words or actions...and you know, that does not define who you are.
There are moments in life that do define us, in ways that maybe no one else can see...
I was intentionally trying to make leaps in thought, not spelling it all out...
thanks again :))
Carol
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, honestly, no. The beginning threw me off, and I thinking what does Bitch have to do with cotton or the rest of your free verse.
I would re-think it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
 |
Hmm, honestly, no. The beginning threw me off, and I thinking what does Bitch have to do with cotton or the rest of your free verse.
I would re-think it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2016
-
Okay, I might.
