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Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "End of Winter"Free verse poems
32 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Wonderful work, my dear! Eloquent, fluid and well rhymed too. Delightfully descriptive. I enjoyed reading it aloud, as well, with fine phonetics in all lines. (Too many nuances to note but you know I noticed them all and applaud!) Excellent meter to. Favorite bits and slight spag nits:
Love the medley of S and W sounds, the tone and imagery:
A silence steeped in winter snows
and soft approaching night,
with firs lined up in looming rows
to witness waning light.
Love this:
the forest glows, as if the land
was dyed in brilliant hue.
*
A little wind begins to blow,
an early starling cries(.)
Lovely details and flow and C, K, M, T & S sounds:
A Welshman in his cottage wakes,
to stoke a fire, the coals he rakes,
now tea, and Cymraeg nutmeg cakes;
in grateful peace, he sighs.
Love these lines:
old verse to coax, and reignite,
as rain falls thick, in spate.
*
t(T)he snow will melt by end of day(,)
Nice personification:
as spring comes, in her lazy way,
Perfect closing AHA:
such beauty's worth the wait!
Almost a six. Bravo. Loved it!
A strong contender for my vote. Good luck, and kudos for being nominated in POM.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Wonderful work, my dear! Eloquent, fluid and well rhymed too. Delightfully descriptive. I enjoyed reading it aloud, as well, with fine phonetics in all lines. (Too many nuances to note but you know I noticed them all and applaud!) Excellent meter to. Favorite bits and slight spag nits:
Love the medley of S and W sounds, the tone and imagery:
A silence steeped in winter snows
and soft approaching night,
with firs lined up in looming rows
to witness waning light.
Love this:
the forest glows, as if the land
was dyed in brilliant hue.
*
A little wind begins to blow,
an early starling cries(.)
Lovely details and flow and C, K, M, T & S sounds:
A Welshman in his cottage wakes,
to stoke a fire, the coals he rakes,
now tea, and Cymraeg nutmeg cakes;
in grateful peace, he sighs.
Love these lines:
old verse to coax, and reignite,
as rain falls thick, in spate.
*
t(T)he snow will melt by end of day(,)
Nice personification:
as spring comes, in her lazy way,
Perfect closing AHA:
such beauty's worth the wait!
Almost a six. Bravo. Loved it!
A strong contender for my vote. Good luck, and kudos for being nominated in POM.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 08-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
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Hi, Thanks for taking a look, and for considering casting a vote in my direction. I have been in a few of these POM things, but never win, lol! Oh well, that's not why I write, really.
Thanks so much,
love,
Carol
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I find that not all the best pieces tend to win here on FS. You're one of the best here...so keep shining! Love, rd
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Carol...
I can't help with identifying if the Pantygynt form of this poem has all i's dotted and t's crossed, but the imagery, alliteration, and strong verbs moving the scene carried me forward. The rhymes pleased, came out in a way that made me want to hear the next rhyme.
It was a gentle story in a poem form. I came away with life moving along as the world transitions from ice and snow to spring.
A silence steeped in winter snows
(great rhymes and the alliteration did well to draw me into the words, in the sound of them. Strong opening set)
red stain upon the white!
(a bit of action here... outside, and grim, gruesome, but still pretty in the expression of it)
was dyed in brilliant hue.
(Even with the violence before, the poem carries on in a panoramic way, appreciating the view)
now tea, and Cymraeg nutmeg cakes;
(The two worlds, though separate, have a steady connection about them. Cozy inside, yet restless, as the outside is still felt)
such beauty's worth the wait!
(like he's inside... dreaming of outside's coming. By the end here, I started thinking about and appreciating transitions. Some like the weather to be nice all the time, but I like the transitions... as it keeps each type of weather at peek appreciaton for me. Looking out the window at the cold and wet, it allows me to appreciate the cozy inside... and it allows me to appreciate when a warm outside beckons day, if I've been waiting for one. I'm not even ready for spring yet. I am still enjoying the cold. )
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Hi, Carol...
I can't help with identifying if the Pantygynt form of this poem has all i's dotted and t's crossed, but the imagery, alliteration, and strong verbs moving the scene carried me forward. The rhymes pleased, came out in a way that made me want to hear the next rhyme.
It was a gentle story in a poem form. I came away with life moving along as the world transitions from ice and snow to spring.
A silence steeped in winter snows
(great rhymes and the alliteration did well to draw me into the words, in the sound of them. Strong opening set)
red stain upon the white!
(a bit of action here... outside, and grim, gruesome, but still pretty in the expression of it)
was dyed in brilliant hue.
(Even with the violence before, the poem carries on in a panoramic way, appreciating the view)
now tea, and Cymraeg nutmeg cakes;
(The two worlds, though separate, have a steady connection about them. Cozy inside, yet restless, as the outside is still felt)
such beauty's worth the wait!
(like he's inside... dreaming of outside's coming. By the end here, I started thinking about and appreciating transitions. Some like the weather to be nice all the time, but I like the transitions... as it keeps each type of weather at peek appreciaton for me. Looking out the window at the cold and wet, it allows me to appreciate the cozy inside... and it allows me to appreciate when a warm outside beckons day, if I've been waiting for one. I'm not even ready for spring yet. I am still enjoying the cold. )
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Turtle, this form is easy to write beautifully - it just lends itself to it somehow. I was getting tired of all the Cinquains and wanted to write something different, lol. So much for the month of cinquains!
Thanks for such a detailed, wonderful review - I appreciate it :))
Carol
Comment from seaglass
I love the rhyme, rhythm, and descriptive quality to this poem. The hawthorn is my spirit tree. I grew one by my bedroom window in Wyoming even though everyone said it wouldn't make it. I truly look forward to spring. This gives me hope.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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I love the rhyme, rhythm, and descriptive quality to this poem. The hawthorn is my spirit tree. I grew one by my bedroom window in Wyoming even though everyone said it wouldn't make it. I truly look forward to spring. This gives me hope.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2017
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Thanks so much, I agree the Hawthorne is beautiful. I'd have a hard time picking a spirit tree...aspen, ponderosa pine, redwood, or live oak???
Yep, it's been a long winter for you all up there...but this too will pass :))
Carol
Comment from Treischel
A change of pace from Cinquains to this expressive Pantygynt poem, as well as a change of genre to a descriptive horror type. Powerful imagery and compelling rhyme set this poem apart. I see that welshman Jim sneak into it it too. Then a softer ending. Great use of the form.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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A change of pace from Cinquains to this expressive Pantygynt poem, as well as a change of genre to a descriptive horror type. Powerful imagery and compelling rhyme set this poem apart. I see that welshman Jim sneak into it it too. Then a softer ending. Great use of the form.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Tom, for such a great review. This was indeed a nod to Jim, is the creator of the form. :)
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
Ah--we are back to the complex pantygynt! I enjoyed your rhymes and rhythm, plus I could visualize the "wolf moon" and the "shadows" along with feeling the "little wind" of spring. I see you as the twin of the Welshman, coaxing verse! Well done- Joan
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Ah--we are back to the complex pantygynt! I enjoyed your rhymes and rhythm, plus I could visualize the "wolf moon" and the "shadows" along with feeling the "little wind" of spring. I see you as the twin of the Welshman, coaxing verse! Well done- Joan
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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He's supposed to be working on our book, lol. Well, I am too...and he's teaching FS classes now, did you know?
Thanks for reading:)
Carol
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Thanks for the info--I did not know. He's the renaissance man and you are the female version! Kudos to you both- Joan
Comment from BeasPeas
This is outstanding, Carol. I wish I had a sixer for you. You do such a fantastic job with this intricate form. Each line and description is a gem. Wonderful. Marilyn
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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This is outstanding, Carol. I wish I had a sixer for you. You do such a fantastic job with this intricate form. Each line and description is a gem. Wonderful. Marilyn
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Marilyn, I really enjoy this form :)
Carol
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Carol. Very nice poetry here, my friend. I absolutely love the way you have crafted it and painted it with such colorful images, like:
"The wolf moon rises, bright and grand
to light the world anew;
the forest glows, as if the land
was dyed in brilliant hue."
Bravo, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Hi, Carol. Very nice poetry here, my friend. I absolutely love the way you have crafted it and painted it with such colorful images, like:
"The wolf moon rises, bright and grand
to light the world anew;
the forest glows, as if the land
was dyed in brilliant hue."
Bravo, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Bob, this form really lends itself to storytelling, and I'm glad you enjoyed it,
Carol
Comment from mermaids
There is a good feeling in your words, you make winter fun. I like the description of the moon as a wolf-moon, it makes the image of the moon more vivid. I also like the verse about the Welshman reading and writing.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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There is a good feeling in your words, you make winter fun. I like the description of the moon as a wolf-moon, it makes the image of the moon more vivid. I also like the verse about the Welshman reading and writing.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Don't you think winter is fun? I guess it's fun for me, because I visit when I go up to Montana, but I don't have to live in it!
Carol
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Winter can be fun, I think a little snow is beautiful. Elaine
Comment from Ric Myworld
Everyone is talking about an early spring, but I'll avoid jumping the gun and refrain from commenting. Although we've had some days close to zero, the temperatures have fluctuated mostly from the single digits to 70 degrees, with sometimes only a day or two separating such drastic changes. I admit that I've never seen a winter like this one, in this area, and I'm crossing my fingers spring doesn't follow suit, because if it does, tornadoes could blow us all away. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Everyone is talking about an early spring, but I'll avoid jumping the gun and refrain from commenting. Although we've had some days close to zero, the temperatures have fluctuated mostly from the single digits to 70 degrees, with sometimes only a day or two separating such drastic changes. I admit that I've never seen a winter like this one, in this area, and I'm crossing my fingers spring doesn't follow suit, because if it does, tornadoes could blow us all away. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, my friend. Remind me where you live? It seems like no matter where you live, it's always a relief when spring comes...but spring is all too brief in So Cal.
Thank you for reading my poems, I appreciate it!
Carol
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I live in Kentucky, the land of bare feet, corncob pipes, and log cabins. Of course, you would have to drive a ways from where I live to find anything like that. Well, it's at least where I call home and my favorite place to be. I do spend a lot of time in New York, Florida, Louisiana, and California, from LA to San Diego. I have always spent four to five months a year in Kentucky when possible, and now I'm up to six or seven. I always enjoy your posts. :-)
Comment from frogbook
A lovely insight into the ending of the winter. Started out calm and rose to be more energetic once again winding down to a calm wit for warmer days. Certainly set a scene by showing us, rather than telling us all. Nice job.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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A lovely insight into the ending of the winter. Started out calm and rose to be more energetic once again winding down to a calm wit for warmer days. Certainly set a scene by showing us, rather than telling us all. Nice job.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
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I confess that the poetic form at times dictates where it goes, in this case of bringing spring...funny how that works:))
Carol
