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Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Water"Free verse poems
26 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Carol,
I read your prose poem.
plunge into quiet pools, flowing onward, onward, seaward-bound, leaping in liquid joy. (a vibrant array of words... I liked the double onward in conjunction with bound. Flows very easily off the lips and has a poetic edge to it.)
berry, crushed strands of sweet sage.
(fast paced, but there is a hint of little connecting strings of sounds that keep the pace all very connected and moving... via the alliteration and repetition. So many great descriptive verbs)
remember me? Else, I'll be the only one who knows.
(the flow is fluid... and and the last lines give a sense of how water can slip through the fingertips... all the things it must see... but moving, moving, moving on, and keeping in its memory.)
This piece is polished, sweeps up the imagination and gives the experience of traveling with water that moves. Very nicely done.)
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2017
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Hi, Carol,
I read your prose poem.
plunge into quiet pools, flowing onward, onward, seaward-bound, leaping in liquid joy. (a vibrant array of words... I liked the double onward in conjunction with bound. Flows very easily off the lips and has a poetic edge to it.)
berry, crushed strands of sweet sage.
(fast paced, but there is a hint of little connecting strings of sounds that keep the pace all very connected and moving... via the alliteration and repetition. So many great descriptive verbs)
remember me? Else, I'll be the only one who knows.
(the flow is fluid... and and the last lines give a sense of how water can slip through the fingertips... all the things it must see... but moving, moving, moving on, and keeping in its memory.)
This piece is polished, sweeps up the imagination and gives the experience of traveling with water that moves. Very nicely done.)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2017
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Thank you, my friend, for this fabulous review. I'm so glad you felt the watery flow that I tried so hard to bring to this piece! It honestly took me five days to write it - I'd write some lines and think about it for awhile, then rewrite, add a bit more, etc, etc. Not easy! But worth it, for sure.
Thanks again!!
Carol
Comment from w.j.debi
I'm all out of six stars,but this is gorgeous and certainly deserving. Your personification of water creates vivid sensory imagery. The first two sentences really set the tone and draw the reader in.
You have some beautiful alliteration in throughtout the piece including the following:
Leaping in liquid
Sycamore--slender, silvery-pale, and shadowed by sisters
Recent rains
Delicious drops
Silver, silent tides
And several more.
The animals observed by the water along its journey hold it to the land for a moment, but the draw of the ocean is too strong to deny. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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I'm all out of six stars,but this is gorgeous and certainly deserving. Your personification of water creates vivid sensory imagery. The first two sentences really set the tone and draw the reader in.
You have some beautiful alliteration in throughtout the piece including the following:
Leaping in liquid
Sycamore--slender, silvery-pale, and shadowed by sisters
Recent rains
Delicious drops
Silver, silent tides
And several more.
The animals observed by the water along its journey hold it to the land for a moment, but the draw of the ocean is too strong to deny. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thanks so much, I appreciate your words here :))
Carol
Comment from barkingdog
And by letting it sit awhile, you perfected it into what is a marvelous flowing read ... much like water which you personify so clearly.
Lovely alliteration.
Fantastic voice--descriptions of water's life as it flows to its final end, the ocean.
Brilliant.
I read it several times, just to have the experience. It's addictive.
Best wishes. Have a fantastic weekend.
:) e
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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And by letting it sit awhile, you perfected it into what is a marvelous flowing read ... much like water which you personify so clearly.
Lovely alliteration.
Fantastic voice--descriptions of water's life as it flows to its final end, the ocean.
Brilliant.
I read it several times, just to have the experience. It's addictive.
Best wishes. Have a fantastic weekend.
:) e
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thanks so much, Ellen. These things take time for me, I can't tell immediately if it's any good or not...you know what I mean? I'm happy that you liked it :))
Carol
Comment from royowen
I love the coastline scenery, it is always beautiful, wherever one travels, sometimes wild and captivating, sometimes gentle and kind, but always magnificent, beautifully scribed prose, different descriptively and expression from "writing" although open to interpretation Carol, so well done, you have painted some wonderful portraits with your words, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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I love the coastline scenery, it is always beautiful, wherever one travels, sometimes wild and captivating, sometimes gentle and kind, but always magnificent, beautifully scribed prose, different descriptively and expression from "writing" although open to interpretation Carol, so well done, you have painted some wonderful portraits with your words, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thanks so much, Roy :))
Carol
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Most welcome
Comment from BeasPeas
This is really well done, Carol. Your imagery is great. Your piece immediately starts off grabbing the reader's attention with:
"I'm alive in musical rush. Tumbling over mossy rocks, I toss in perfect grace, then plunge into quiet pools, flowing onward, onward, seaward-bound, leaping in liquid joy."
...continuing all the way through to the end. Marilyn
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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This is really well done, Carol. Your imagery is great. Your piece immediately starts off grabbing the reader's attention with:
"I'm alive in musical rush. Tumbling over mossy rocks, I toss in perfect grace, then plunge into quiet pools, flowing onward, onward, seaward-bound, leaping in liquid joy."
...continuing all the way through to the end. Marilyn
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thanks, Marilyn, it's a beautiful place I was describing, which makes it easy to write about - well, sort of, lol. Prose poetry is hard!
Carol
Comment from Treischel
You did a wonderful job of adding in a number of poetic techniques, such as alliteration, repitition, pauses, poetic imagery. A lovely piece. Still, it was very good prose in the true sense of a good author. I have a hard time calling it poetry. I ask myself, "why?" Not my favorite type of format. You did an excellent job with it however.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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You did a wonderful job of adding in a number of poetic techniques, such as alliteration, repitition, pauses, poetic imagery. A lovely piece. Still, it was very good prose in the true sense of a good author. I have a hard time calling it poetry. I ask myself, "why?" Not my favorite type of format. You did an excellent job with it however.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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I know you don't care for the form, Tom :))
I worked so hard to make it poetic - it was really difficult! All the alliteration (possibly over the top) and phrasing meant to emulate the rushing water in a creek. I worked on it for days!! Lol. Not sure of the point either, honestly, other than as an exercise.
Carol
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
An excellent prose poem, my friend. I really enjoy prose poems and wish more people wrote them. This is so lovely with great imagery. A six is well deserved for this fine example~Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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An excellent prose poem, my friend. I really enjoy prose poems and wish more people wrote them. This is so lovely with great imagery. A six is well deserved for this fine example~Debbie
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much, Debbie. I'm glad to know you like prose poems! So many people do not ...for various reasons. I'm so happy you liked this one :))
Carol
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
What a great idea--personify water. Of course you live and speak! And to give me a picture of one of the mouths to the Pacific was amazing. I love what the water has to say about itself--it's so very human-ish isn't it--like dogs!
Marcia
GoodHearted Woman
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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What a great idea--personify water. Of course you live and speak! And to give me a picture of one of the mouths to the Pacific was amazing. I love what the water has to say about itself--it's so very human-ish isn't it--like dogs!
Marcia
GoodHearted Woman
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2017
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The idea just came to me. I like to look at things outside the box I guess. I mean, I thought at first of an ocean poem, but somehow this idea came to life. I'm so glad you liked it!!
Carol
Comment from Sis Cat
Superb prose poem on water reminded me of my own hikes through the hills of Los Angeles and in Contra Costa Counties. This line resonated with me like a memory: "I carry old copper-crisp leaves, dead skin of snake, cress, coffee-berry, crushed strands of sweet sage." I also love your line about seeing hawks, which is something I have done on my journeys. Your meandering prose mimics the curves of and twists of the river and the many sights seen and things picked up and lost: "Coyote slinks up to drink my precious water." Your poem personifying water as a water goddess is perfect and creative.
Thank you for sharing this precious prose journey to the sea.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Superb prose poem on water reminded me of my own hikes through the hills of Los Angeles and in Contra Costa Counties. This line resonated with me like a memory: "I carry old copper-crisp leaves, dead skin of snake, cress, coffee-berry, crushed strands of sweet sage." I also love your line about seeing hawks, which is something I have done on my journeys. Your meandering prose mimics the curves of and twists of the river and the many sights seen and things picked up and lost: "Coyote slinks up to drink my precious water." Your poem personifying water as a water goddess is perfect and creative.
Thank you for sharing this precious prose journey to the sea.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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I'm in Thousand Oaks, and was describing recent trips through Wildwood Canyon. My last time there I did see a coyote - he scurried off into the bushes but I could just FEEL him there, watching me, as they like to do. Thank you so much for coming along on the journey :))
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
I am glad the Potlatch and the photograph helped to inspire you to create this prose poem. I relished the energy of your opening lines and leapt for "liquid joy" with you! Your use of alliteration adds to the intensity of your description and emotions. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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I am glad the Potlatch and the photograph helped to inspire you to create this prose poem. I relished the energy of your opening lines and leapt for "liquid joy" with you! Your use of alliteration adds to the intensity of your description and emotions. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Thanks, Joan! I was thinking of Wildwood Creek, making it's way down to the ocean. It took me a few days of writing, thinking about it, revising, adding, removing, etc. I just saw a coyote there a few days ago. He darted into the bushes and I KNEW he was in there, watching me. I've seen herons there too, and of course hawks. I appreciate your nice review!
hugs,
Carol
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The final result was worth all the extra effort. Thanks for sharing the wildlife too. Sweet dreams- Joan
