2017 Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 " Tanka (in mom's kitchen)"A collection of my poems
19 total reviews
Comment from Grasshopper2
Gypsy,
Your tanka to mother is a poignant insight into your youth. I like your opening line
In mom's kitchen
because you spelled in with a capital; lower case feels and reads as wrong. Your
lines 2 and 3 complete your upper room.
embers burn beneath the table
to warm the heart
This upper part is a memory of your mother, but not just once, more a multi-moment time snapshot. You use human nature to express yourself, which I learned from a haikuist sage *smile*, is the way of the tanka. Your lower room
of a lost and lonely child
to play in hallways of my mind.
Sums up the love then and now. Well done, Lady Blue. Thank you for posting. Your odes make me use all three of my gray cells. That is always a good things.
Your ever mindful student,
Grasshopper
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Gypsy,
Your tanka to mother is a poignant insight into your youth. I like your opening line
In mom's kitchen
because you spelled in with a capital; lower case feels and reads as wrong. Your
lines 2 and 3 complete your upper room.
embers burn beneath the table
to warm the heart
This upper part is a memory of your mother, but not just once, more a multi-moment time snapshot. You use human nature to express yourself, which I learned from a haikuist sage *smile*, is the way of the tanka. Your lower room
of a lost and lonely child
to play in hallways of my mind.
Sums up the love then and now. Well done, Lady Blue. Thank you for posting. Your odes make me use all three of my gray cells. That is always a good things.
Your ever mindful student,
Grasshopper
Comment Written 12-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
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Thank you, sir grasshopper, you are very very kind.I'm happy you understood what my poem is about at a deeper level. It means a lot to me. :)
Gypsy Blue
Comment from Lu Saluna
I can't believe I read this over and over again and didn't enter my review
But then again....my brain...sigh
This is a heartwarming poem of times and memories you hold dear of your childhood.
embers burn beneath the table
to warm the heart
These are my favourite two lines. I think I heard my family refer to your, "brasero", as a warming pan. A round, iron pan, filled with coals used as a heater.
My grandfather talked about the "heating pan" all the time for his ice fishing trips. He came back with some cool looking fish.
I love your tanka, is is a lovely memory to share.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2017
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I can't believe I read this over and over again and didn't enter my review
But then again....my brain...sigh
This is a heartwarming poem of times and memories you hold dear of your childhood.
embers burn beneath the table
to warm the heart
These are my favourite two lines. I think I heard my family refer to your, "brasero", as a warming pan. A round, iron pan, filled with coals used as a heater.
My grandfather talked about the "heating pan" all the time for his ice fishing trips. He came back with some cool looking fish.
I love your tanka, is is a lovely memory to share.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2017
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Yes, I am glad you know what a brasero is and that you understand what it is for. Probably many cultures had things like this before electricity and gas were used.
Thank you for the review, honey.
Gypsy
Comment from Dawn Munro
Let me address your poem - wouldn't embers burning beneath the table set the table on fire?
Lovely use of metaphor especially 'the child' who comes to play in your mind. But as much as I like the idea of embers warming that heart, I can't get the imagery of embers underneath a table out of my mind - it just makes no sense.
As a proper review should do (when the rating is less than five stars), I will make a suggested correction and a line-improvement suggestion - L2 =
1) In (M)om's kitchen - always use a capital when you are referring to her directly
2) embers burn in our pot-bellied stove
to warm the heart...
Hope that helps. Feels right to me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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Let me address your poem - wouldn't embers burning beneath the table set the table on fire?
Lovely use of metaphor especially 'the child' who comes to play in your mind. But as much as I like the idea of embers warming that heart, I can't get the imagery of embers underneath a table out of my mind - it just makes no sense.
As a proper review should do (when the rating is less than five stars), I will make a suggested correction and a line-improvement suggestion - L2 =
1) In (M)om's kitchen - always use a capital when you are referring to her directly
2) embers burn in our pot-bellied stove
to warm the heart...
Hope that helps. Feels right to me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2017
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thank you
Comment from judiverse
With out modern heating and air conditioning, we don't give much thought to what it was like in the days before central heating. When I was growing up, we had a cook stove, as we called it, in the kitchen and a stove in the living room that burned coal or wood. In the morning, we'd have to huddle around it to keep warm as we got ready for school. I'm afraid I can't bring back a very warm memory of that time, as you did in your poem. You created a lovely tanka of a childhood memory that plays in the hallways of your mind. I love how you expressed that. judi
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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With out modern heating and air conditioning, we don't give much thought to what it was like in the days before central heating. When I was growing up, we had a cook stove, as we called it, in the kitchen and a stove in the living room that burned coal or wood. In the morning, we'd have to huddle around it to keep warm as we got ready for school. I'm afraid I can't bring back a very warm memory of that time, as you did in your poem. You created a lovely tanka of a childhood memory that plays in the hallways of your mind. I love how you expressed that. judi
Comment Written 04-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
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Thank you, my friend, I appreciate it your excellent review.
Gypsy
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You're very welcome. I'm glad you could find a warm memory out of lack of heat. I couldn't do that. judi
Comment from sandy montgomery
This piece carries an emotional punch. Memories of childhood gather in the hallways of all our minds. The loss of our loved ones just increases the value of those hallowed memories. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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This piece carries an emotional punch. Memories of childhood gather in the hallways of all our minds. The loss of our loved ones just increases the value of those hallowed memories. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Hello, Sandy :)
Comment from l.raven
HI Gypsy, I am so sorry sweet girl about the loss of your mother...it is good that we have the memories we do...I wish you could have had more...sigh...I love your poem sweet angel...and a beautiful picture...love ya so Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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HI Gypsy, I am so sorry sweet girl about the loss of your mother...it is good that we have the memories we do...I wish you could have had more...sigh...I love your poem sweet angel...and a beautiful picture...love ya so Linda xxoo
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Hello, sweetie pie, how are you? Thank you for reading.
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doing well...how are you...and I love reading you...love to ya...Linda xxoo
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your passion for Japanese poetry by sharing this tanka and your informative notes. You always nourish us with your posts. I admired the nostalgia, and the way the picture helped to explain the source of the "embers beneath the table" plus your "hallways" metaphor. Hugs and have a pleasant weekend when it arrives- Joan
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Thank you for sharing your passion for Japanese poetry by sharing this tanka and your informative notes. You always nourish us with your posts. I admired the nostalgia, and the way the picture helped to explain the source of the "embers beneath the table" plus your "hallways" metaphor. Hugs and have a pleasant weekend when it arrives- Joan
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Thank you, my friend, you are very kind. You are very nurturing too. :) I believe art expression should be nourished. I can tell you do too. :) Have an awesome weekend too, Joan, hugs.
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Sweet dreams- Joan
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, Gypsy, this is a beautiful and heartfelt tanka tribute to your mother. I love the child's play "in the hallways of my mind." That is an effective metaphor for memory.
You also whet my appetite to try my hand at tanka. I have only written haiku so far. I love the idea of expanding my ideas. You told a one-line story that was compelling and poignant. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Wow, Gypsy, this is a beautiful and heartfelt tanka tribute to your mother. I love the child's play "in the hallways of my mind." That is an effective metaphor for memory.
You also whet my appetite to try my hand at tanka. I have only written haiku so far. I love the idea of expanding my ideas. You told a one-line story that was compelling and poignant. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Thank you, Andre, I appreciate how kind and helpful your reviews are... you always cheer me up and they are well done.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Douglas Paul
The prose part of this and the author's notes bring additional meaning to your Tanka. This is a nice recollection of a time in you life that you remember fondly. I enjoyed this a lot
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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The prose part of this and the author's notes bring additional meaning to your Tanka. This is a nice recollection of a time in you life that you remember fondly. I enjoyed this a lot
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2017
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Thank you my friend and fat Buddha blessings.
Gypsy
Comment from krys123
HI, Gypsy;
-a wonderful biographical account of your lifestyles when you lived in Spain and how you kept warm underneath the table by using a "Brasero" to warm each and everyone up.
-An excellent tanka with a superb pivot line which summarizes and connects the first two and last two dramatically connected lines of your tanka. They all summarize the relativity of your conceptual theme in the context of your tanka.
-A wonderful picture to depict the use of a Brasero and a lady who is using one or that's what It looks like.
-Thanks for sharing this Gypsy and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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HI, Gypsy;
-a wonderful biographical account of your lifestyles when you lived in Spain and how you kept warm underneath the table by using a "Brasero" to warm each and everyone up.
-An excellent tanka with a superb pivot line which summarizes and connects the first two and last two dramatically connected lines of your tanka. They all summarize the relativity of your conceptual theme in the context of your tanka.
-A wonderful picture to depict the use of a Brasero and a lady who is using one or that's what It looks like.
-Thanks for sharing this Gypsy and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 02-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2017
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Thank you, I appreciate how kind and helpful you are :)
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You're very welcome, Gypsy, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
