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Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Untitled - A Cherita"Free verse poems
24 total reviews
Comment from royowen
It seems to possess within the narrative a very sad tale, exactly what, is anybody's guess. The form is probably, classically Asian, they don't dwell on tragedy as we do. A pragmatic, friendly people, well done, great ambiguity woven in, blessings Carol, Roy
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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It seems to possess within the narrative a very sad tale, exactly what, is anybody's guess. The form is probably, classically Asian, they don't dwell on tragedy as we do. A pragmatic, friendly people, well done, great ambiguity woven in, blessings Carol, Roy
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thanks so much, Roy. The important thing is the feeling conveyed in the poem, loss and dealing with loss, not the specifics necessarily. It happens to be a true story (in brief).
Carol
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Well done Carol,
Comment from Joan E.
I am delighted you were inspired to create a poem in the Cherita form. Your work is well-crafted and doubly resonates for me, since we are going to a friend's memorial service this week. Your line "She wears his hat" is quite evocative. Warm regards- Joan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I am delighted you were inspired to create a poem in the Cherita form. Your work is well-crafted and doubly resonates for me, since we are going to a friend's memorial service this week. Your line "She wears his hat" is quite evocative. Warm regards- Joan
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thanks so much, Joan, and thanks for highlighting this form - I like it! Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend...
Carol
Comment from misscookie
I like the artwork that you choose to go with your poem
It is a perfect match
Your words like the artwork gave me a chill
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I like the artwork that you choose to go with your poem
It is a perfect match
Your words like the artwork gave me a chill
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 23-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for reading,
Carol
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You're very welcome.
Until next time.
Cookie
Comment from w.j.debi
This one tugs at the heart. Wearing "his hat" and you bring the winter elements as a metaphor for the cold comfort she is seeking as she battles the icy steps. I was a bad girl and gave away all my sixes early this week. I usually try to limit them to one a day. This would be my choice for today. The emotional depth is so well done.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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This one tugs at the heart. Wearing "his hat" and you bring the winter elements as a metaphor for the cold comfort she is seeking as she battles the icy steps. I was a bad girl and gave away all my sixes early this week. I usually try to limit them to one a day. This would be my choice for today. The emotional depth is so well done.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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That's a good idea, limit of one six given per day. So, this memory came from Snowbird, when I was working at the Cliff Lodge. 30+ years ago!
Thanks for such a great review :))
Carol
Comment from CD Richards
Hi Carol,
I haven't seen the form before, but judging by the description you appear to have nailed it.
The photo is absolutely stunning - where is it, and how far is the nearest other building?
I'll admit, I cheated and read some of the comments, as I didn't want to appear silly with mine. I see that it is, as I suspected, an autobiographical story. I think you do a great job of conveying the emotion by your choice of words.
Great stuff,
Craig
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Hi Carol,
I haven't seen the form before, but judging by the description you appear to have nailed it.
The photo is absolutely stunning - where is it, and how far is the nearest other building?
I'll admit, I cheated and read some of the comments, as I didn't want to appear silly with mine. I see that it is, as I suspected, an autobiographical story. I think you do a great job of conveying the emotion by your choice of words.
Great stuff,
Craig
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I found the photo on google, so I'm not sure what the location is unfortunately.
Nice to hear from you again, Craig. I was hoping that folks who didn't know my story would be able to relate...I have no problem with people reading the comments though. I do the same thing :))
Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Carol,
Read through this poem... the form I am not familiar with, so am looking at as a mater of emotional soundboarding :
I'm presented with a flash image, physical and emotional toil through a rough enviornment/ landscape... one devoid of warmth, of comforts, of company. And it is an attack on the body and soul. The use of armed does well to secure a very active person versus elements, on both that spiritual and physical scale. The subtle gesture of wearing a piece of the friend in the battle of his loss speaks volumes.
Strong engaging verbs, and potent snapshot of imagery to convey emotions. Also flows very nicely, and stripped to its bare parts... naked of punctuation, added to that to the bone expression of grief.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Hi, Carol,
Read through this poem... the form I am not familiar with, so am looking at as a mater of emotional soundboarding :
I'm presented with a flash image, physical and emotional toil through a rough enviornment/ landscape... one devoid of warmth, of comforts, of company. And it is an attack on the body and soul. The use of armed does well to secure a very active person versus elements, on both that spiritual and physical scale. The subtle gesture of wearing a piece of the friend in the battle of his loss speaks volumes.
Strong engaging verbs, and potent snapshot of imagery to convey emotions. Also flows very nicely, and stripped to its bare parts... naked of punctuation, added to that to the bone expression of grief.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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You're so sweet - and your reviews are just so perfect. I love how you approach them with just your own sense of what you see in it, not knowing how the form is supposed to be, or anything of that nature.
I was a fierce little thing, and I really let those steps have it with the ice pick. It made me feel better for a little while - the exercise and the chopping away at the inevitable (the ice will come back; Dave is gone for good).
"Bone expression of grief" is just right - that's how it felt. Still does, but not as sharp anymore.
Carol
Comment from frogbook
A very stark and sad picture presented presenting much for thought and reflection. I like the style and it really works well in this instance.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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A very stark and sad picture presented presenting much for thought and reflection. I like the style and it really works well in this instance.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Thank you, I appreciate your words. I felt the style was perfect to describe that memory...
Carol
Comment from nuthead
Beautifully executed Cherita. Might have to try this form.
You created clear visuals with your descriptions of the ice and snow and cold. The girl alone, grieving, in the cold, wearing his hat for comfort. You lacked a lot of images and feelings into a few lines. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Beautifully executed Cherita. Might have to try this form.
You created clear visuals with your descriptions of the ice and snow and cold. The girl alone, grieving, in the cold, wearing his hat for comfort. You lacked a lot of images and feelings into a few lines. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Instead of answering your review I went to your profile and read your sonnet - which I liked. Memories are so interesting to write about, and you did it well.
Yes, I had a clear image of that day so many years ago. This form seemed like the perfect way to express that memory, and all the feelings that go with it, like a cameo.
I almost hate to try writing another one, lol.
Carol
Comment from doggymad
HI Carol
this is a very moving poem despite its brevity. It reaches right to the core of the grief and the need to hang on to little things that remind us of happier times.
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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HI Carol
this is a very moving poem despite its brevity. It reaches right to the core of the grief and the need to hang on to little things that remind us of happier times.
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Freda, for seeing this thing so clearly. I wish you could have seen me fiercely going after the ice on those steps - it did me good!
hugs,
Carol
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, I'm learning all the time. It's a startling form in all its simplicity. Like a haiku or a tanka. It says a lot in so few words. Very profound. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Hi Carol, I'm learning all the time. It's a startling form in all its simplicity. Like a haiku or a tanka. It says a lot in so few words. Very profound. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I do agree with you re. the startling simplicity. But, unlike the Japanese forms the rules are simpler, and since no one's heard of this form, nobody jumps on you for violating the rules - lol!
I'm happy how this one turned out, I must admit :))
Carol
