Spring
5-7-5 contest7 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-7-5, Spring, has the proper syllable count and eats us know that old man winter has finally given up the ghost and allowed springtime to take over the season.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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This 5-7-5, Spring, has the proper syllable count and eats us know that old man winter has finally given up the ghost and allowed springtime to take over the season.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you Bill! Hopefully he is gone for awhile lol.
God bless!
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written and creates a beautiful image in the mind of the readers the syllable count is correct good luck in the contest regards Jill
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Yes this is well written and creates a beautiful image in the mind of the readers the syllable count is correct good luck in the contest regards Jill
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you Jill for the awesome review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Spring, poet thinks and expresses so nicely, gently pushes winter into submission, in order to gain attention or give a signal to seasonal conquest, I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Spring, poet thinks and expresses so nicely, gently pushes winter into submission, in order to gain attention or give a signal to seasonal conquest, I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you for the awesome review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from rama devi
I enjoyed the clever personification in your fine 5-7-5 poem. True to form. Well conceived and well executed. Just one suggestion...using the adverb gently weakens line one because the very, nudges, already portrays the gentleness. This aspect is clearly shown, so the word gently feels superfluous. As word economy is paramount in short forms, I suggest getting more mileage from those two syllables by conveying a different aspect than gentleness, or perhaps use them to describe Winter more closely. Example to illustrate the idea:
Spring nudges icy
Winter into submission
seasonal conquest
I applaud your awesome alliteration and cosnoancne fo S as well as the fine word economy, especially in the clever satori line.
One more suggestion (optional) is to use spacing or a dash (or both) for dramatic pause effect on the last line. Example:
Spring gently nudges
Winter into submission--
seasonal conquest
This is a strong entry--almost a six. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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I enjoyed the clever personification in your fine 5-7-5 poem. True to form. Well conceived and well executed. Just one suggestion...using the adverb gently weakens line one because the very, nudges, already portrays the gentleness. This aspect is clearly shown, so the word gently feels superfluous. As word economy is paramount in short forms, I suggest getting more mileage from those two syllables by conveying a different aspect than gentleness, or perhaps use them to describe Winter more closely. Example to illustrate the idea:
Spring nudges icy
Winter into submission
seasonal conquest
I applaud your awesome alliteration and cosnoancne fo S as well as the fine word economy, especially in the clever satori line.
One more suggestion (optional) is to use spacing or a dash (or both) for dramatic pause effect on the last line. Example:
Spring gently nudges
Winter into submission--
seasonal conquest
This is a strong entry--almost a six. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you Rama devi for this most insightful review my friend. I always look forward to your reviews. I love the ideas you've offered, especially the dash or spacing for a dramatic effect. I will soon be adding my manuscript chapter by chapter. This is a virgin area for me and I will need much guidance. I have a great story to tell in the horror genre, but need a push in the right direction.
God bless my friend!
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Thanks for your gracious response, my friend. I am only intermittently active here...but I look forward to seeing some of your posts.
Warmly, rd
Comment from Bucketlist
Nice 5-7-5 whoever you are!, I liked the way you express the seasons changing as a "seasonal conquest"
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Nice 5-7-5 whoever you are!, I liked the way you express the seasons changing as a "seasonal conquest"
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you for the awesome review.
God bless!
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You're quite welcome
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
GREAT 5-7-5 poem.
Each line has a perfect fit with just the right amount of syllables.
'Spring gently nudges'...- This poem is a good read.
Thanks for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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GREAT 5-7-5 poem.
Each line has a perfect fit with just the right amount of syllables.
'Spring gently nudges'...- This poem is a good read.
Thanks for sharing it.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Comment Written 08-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you Nicole for the awesome review.
God bless!
Comment from jusylee72
You portray a personification of winter and spring in battle. I like that and you accomplished that in three short lines. That takes brilliance. Thank you . Judy
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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You portray a personification of winter and spring in battle. I like that and you accomplished that in three short lines. That takes brilliance. Thank you . Judy
Comment Written 07-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2017
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Thank you my friend for the awesome review.
God bless!