Haiku (beneath smoky skies)
Observed and heard when temperatures reached 106 degrees.91 total reviews
Comment from Tadite
The image and stylized coloring of the text adds to the way the poem works. Given the restraints of a haiku, good. I just wish there was capitalization or punctuation (or both). Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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The image and stylized coloring of the text adds to the way the poem works. Given the restraints of a haiku, good. I just wish there was capitalization or punctuation (or both). Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your review and wishing me luck in the contest. I abide by the branch of Haiku that has minimal punctuation or capitalization as it is not supposed to look like regular English sentences, but every poet is different. Thanks again.
Comment from Irish Rain
Fires all over the place up there, and north, and below us....hurricane flooding. The world has gone quite mad. I love your haiku, a form I struggle with. Excellent satori!!! Blessings...
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Fires all over the place up there, and north, and below us....hurricane flooding. The world has gone quite mad. I love your haiku, a form I struggle with. Excellent satori!!! Blessings...
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Yes, Irish, I had quite a ride with this haiku. I wrote it Friday near San Francisco where heat records were broken, smoke filled the air from distant fires, and pine cones popped open. On Saturday I visited my family in Los Angeles a hill away from the largest brush fire in the city's history--7,000 acres. I have never seen an entire mountain range on fire. Since I was right next door to it, smoke and ashes were everywhere and people prepared to evacuate. Even though I wrote about the popping pine cones of Northern California, I decide to post my poem in the inferno of LA. Thank you for your review.
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Wow. Such a shame...but you found beauty in it still, good for you!
Comment from susan18
This is lovely!
I can feel the smoke and crackle in these few well-chosen words.
Nice illustration, too.
Reminds me an Autumn evening around the campfire.
Nice job!
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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This is lovely!
I can feel the smoke and crackle in these few well-chosen words.
Nice illustration, too.
Reminds me an Autumn evening around the campfire.
Nice job!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Yes, Susan, people love putting pine cones in the fire for their sounds and smells. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Oatmeal
Sis Cat,
This is a beautiful poem. I liked it very much. The line count was within means.
It made for an enjoyable read. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out.
The words you chose worked very well.
There was nothing wrong that I could tell.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Sis Cat,
This is a beautiful poem. I liked it very much. The line count was within means.
It made for an enjoyable read. The flow was smooth. The theme well thought out.
The words you chose worked very well.
There was nothing wrong that I could tell.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Oatmeal, for your kind review of my Haiku. I appreciate it and look forward to seeing you again.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
A beautiful Haiku, very much fitting for the change of the the seasons here in Britain it has happened overnight! Almost immediately we have all the trees bare and berries and open pine cones dropping...a pity as my dog is obsessed with them! A great Haiku well done love Meia x
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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A beautiful Haiku, very much fitting for the change of the the seasons here in Britain it has happened overnight! Almost immediately we have all the trees bare and berries and open pine cones dropping...a pity as my dog is obsessed with them! A great Haiku well done love Meia x
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Meia, for your kind review of my Haiku. It is amazing to see seasons change. Ours have been extreme in California where we went from floods in winter to heat and brush fires in summer.
Comment from doggymad
I loved the image you have provided here. It is both visual and audible.
I am not that knowledgeable regarding the Haiku but understand that is is based in nature. In which case this is an excellent work
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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I loved the image you have provided here. It is both visual and audible.
I am not that knowledgeable regarding the Haiku but understand that is is based in nature. In which case this is an excellent work
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Freda, for your kind review. I drew inspiration from the pine cones popping open in the heat around my city. Thanks.
Comment from bluedragon776
Oh my this elegant haiku definitely brings to mind images of autumn with it's brisk, cool air and changing leaves. The great image only helps the overall theme. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Oh my this elegant haiku definitely brings to mind images of autumn with it's brisk, cool air and changing leaves. The great image only helps the overall theme. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, bluedragon776, for your kind review and wishing me luck in the contest. Others have suggested autumn, too, but we herein California are in the middle of the worst heat wave in history as brush fires burn across the state. We look forward to brisk, cool weather.
Comment from catch22
Hi SC, this reads like a fairly authentic haiku with the requisite seasonal reference and excellent use of poetic sound devices throughout. I liked the final line that brings hope of renewal after the destruction of a fire.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Hi SC, this reads like a fairly authentic haiku with the requisite seasonal reference and excellent use of poetic sound devices throughout. I liked the final line that brings hope of renewal after the destruction of a fire.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Yes, catch 22, thanks for noting that last line. Some pines only open their cones to disperse seeds after forest fires. To my surprise on Friday, extreme heat can have the same effect on them. Thank you for your review.
Comment from His Grayness
I always find it challenging to fairly rate such very brief poetic styles as this but, it is majestically packaged, beautifully delivered in all ways and I cannot suggest anything to improve this work in any way; HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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I always find it challenging to fairly rate such very brief poetic styles as this but, it is majestically packaged, beautifully delivered in all ways and I cannot suggest anything to improve this work in any way; HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Vance, for your kind review. Yes, reviewing such small poems can be a challenge but also rewarding. Thanks.
Comment from bsmath
Your syllables were 5-7-5 as required, good. I could hear the dangerous wildfire with my imagination. The picture that you chose for the haiku poem looks great.
Temperatures as high as 106 degrees Fahrenheit are very unusual.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Your syllables were 5-7-5 as required, good. I could hear the dangerous wildfire with my imagination. The picture that you chose for the haiku poem looks great.
Temperatures as high as 106 degrees Fahrenheit are very unusual.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, bsmath, for your kind review. I composed the opening line when I smelled the smoke of distant wild fires on Friday and heard pine cones pop open because of the heat.
