Child Of Syria
Desperate fight to survive20 total reviews
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Kazzawin: I see that you have the word win in your pen name. It is definitely a reflection of this poem. You have told such a touching story so eloquently in this poem. It captured my heart right from the title. I have often wondered how do the children live day to day in constant war torn countries and areas. They live day to day in pain and hunger, never knowing which day would be their last. You have put yourself in their tragic places and described the horror of this reality. This poem is a sure winner and you are an exceptional writer. I wish I had a six to give this remarkable poem. It is incredible and unforgettable.
I am sorry that I have not responded to your review of my poem "Still" yet but your kind words were so appreciated, I wanted to get around to responding to it. I've been busy reviewing so much I have not had time to answer it but I will make time today.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017
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Good morning, Kazzawin: I see that you have the word win in your pen name. It is definitely a reflection of this poem. You have told such a touching story so eloquently in this poem. It captured my heart right from the title. I have often wondered how do the children live day to day in constant war torn countries and areas. They live day to day in pain and hunger, never knowing which day would be their last. You have put yourself in their tragic places and described the horror of this reality. This poem is a sure winner and you are an exceptional writer. I wish I had a six to give this remarkable poem. It is incredible and unforgettable.
I am sorry that I have not responded to your review of my poem "Still" yet but your kind words were so appreciated, I wanted to get around to responding to it. I've been busy reviewing so much I have not had time to answer it but I will make time today.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. I was very lucky to be placed joint third with this poem, the first time I have ever placed in a committee decided contest. I got the idea after watching a harrowing news report about the forgotten children as all the orphanages are overflowing. They often are left to fend for themselves. Deeply saddening : (
I have read your lovely reply to my review of 'still'. Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot. I truly wish you all the best.
Karen : )
Comment from dragonpoet
What a strong sad image this poem gives about the orphans caused by war. The den is a perfect word for where they are living, for they are living like animals. Probably worse than most animals because animals can hunt and keep their dens free of their own waste.
Congrats of placing in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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What a strong sad image this poem gives about the orphans caused by war. The den is a perfect word for where they are living, for they are living like animals. Probably worse than most animals because animals can hunt and keep their dens free of their own waste.
Congrats of placing in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Thank you so very much for your kind words, review and rating. The 6 stars are most gratefully received, I felt honoured to be placed in the contest, thank you for your best wishes : )
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You are so very welcome. The rating was well deserved.
dp
Comment from rama devi
Congrats on placing in the contest! this is imaginative and original. Outstanding rhymes, too! Fine phonetics in phrasing. It has a strong story line and good characterization and descriptive detail.
The flow is very good and meter near-flawless, but I stumbled on the scansion in this line:
Lashes, long and flecked with dust,
and this too:
Pain subsides to constant throb
While the metrical substitution and seven-syllable lines work okay read aloud, I think they work smoother when they keep the iambic foot steps flowing. This would be easily accomplished just adding one word:
Her lashes, long and flecked with dust,
Her pain subsides to constant throb
I love the rhymes and voicing in the first stanza, specially and also lips and eclipsed...great rhyme!
A few spag suggestions for your consideration:
*
Now(,) everyday(,) she looks for him
Through acrid smoke and bitter taste.
*
But comforts(,) with encouragement,
In hope she lives for one more day.
Again, kudos on your contest placement.
Good artistic presentation.
Warmly, r d
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Congrats on placing in the contest! this is imaginative and original. Outstanding rhymes, too! Fine phonetics in phrasing. It has a strong story line and good characterization and descriptive detail.
The flow is very good and meter near-flawless, but I stumbled on the scansion in this line:
Lashes, long and flecked with dust,
and this too:
Pain subsides to constant throb
While the metrical substitution and seven-syllable lines work okay read aloud, I think they work smoother when they keep the iambic foot steps flowing. This would be easily accomplished just adding one word:
Her lashes, long and flecked with dust,
Her pain subsides to constant throb
I love the rhymes and voicing in the first stanza, specially and also lips and eclipsed...great rhyme!
A few spag suggestions for your consideration:
*
Now(,) everyday(,) she looks for him
Through acrid smoke and bitter taste.
*
But comforts(,) with encouragement,
In hope she lives for one more day.
Again, kudos on your contest placement.
Good artistic presentation.
Warmly, r d
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your detailed review and kind words.
I appreciate your suggestions for the poem as I always do when someone has taken the time to make those recommendations. I was surprised and honoured to receive the placing.
Many thanks : )
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:-))))) Most welcome!
Comment from For better for verse
Excellent poem, really touched something inside me.
And of course this is actually happening as we speak, it makes me sad to think about it.
Great piece of writing,thoroughly enjoyed reading it
Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Excellent poem, really touched something inside me.
And of course this is actually happening as we speak, it makes me sad to think about it.
Great piece of writing,thoroughly enjoyed reading it
Well done.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind words and review.
Yes, I was inspired to write after watching a documentary about the overcrowded orphanages in Aleppo and the children fighting for survival on their own. Heartbreaking stuff : (
Thanks again..very much appreciated : )
Comment from Thatguypk
Vivid, tragic and very beautifully written. This could be a reflection of so many war-torn countries and really shows the horror most effectively through the eyes of an abandoned child. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Vivid, tragic and very beautifully written. This could be a reflection of so many war-torn countries and really shows the horror most effectively through the eyes of an abandoned child. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thank you so very much for your time and comments. I am honoured to receive such a glittering array of stars too.
I am truly grateful : )
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the children of the world who all have needs that they cannot provide for themselves. They are depended on good hearted people to help them in their needs.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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A very well-written poem about the children of the world who all have needs that they cannot provide for themselves. They are depended on good hearted people to help them in their needs.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your kind comments and review. Much appreciated : )
Comment from tfawcus
A very powerful piece of writing which, unfortunately, describes the situation that many hundreds of thousands find themselves in around the world. How will those who survive be affected for the rest of their lives?
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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A very powerful piece of writing which, unfortunately, describes the situation that many hundreds of thousands find themselves in around the world. How will those who survive be affected for the rest of their lives?
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Yes, we must count our blessings as there are children facing a lifetime of issues we can only begin to imagine.
Thank you for your kind review and rating. I appreciate your time and comments : )
Comment from Irish Rain
Very poignant. It is always such a cruel shame when the eyes of children have seen too much. The artwork you chose is awesome. This is a great entry. Blessings....
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Very poignant. It is always such a cruel shame when the eyes of children have seen too much. The artwork you chose is awesome. This is a great entry. Blessings....
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Much appreciated : )
Comment from Quantum Traveler
The Imagery and the Color you have Chosen for the Matting are an Excellent Choice for a Superb Writing that Tells a Story of Survival.
As I have read your Posting Several Times I find it to be a Masterpiece of Visionary Context as one can see, not only the Scene, but one can actually Feel the Emotions Presented and put oneself right into the action of this Poetic Story.
Kudos to Cleo85 for an Exquisite piece of Art for this Outstanding Writing.
Excellent...Kazzawin...Very Well Done...Quantum Traveler...Phil.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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The Imagery and the Color you have Chosen for the Matting are an Excellent Choice for a Superb Writing that Tells a Story of Survival.
As I have read your Posting Several Times I find it to be a Masterpiece of Visionary Context as one can see, not only the Scene, but one can actually Feel the Emotions Presented and put oneself right into the action of this Poetic Story.
Kudos to Cleo85 for an Exquisite piece of Art for this Outstanding Writing.
Excellent...Kazzawin...Very Well Done...Quantum Traveler...Phil.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Wow!
Thank you so very much for your detailed and amazing review.
I can't tell you how honoured I feel by your comments and the six stars.
They are truly appreciated : )
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I have been incognito and offline the past several months experiencing the chaotic surroundings we seems to be living in these days.
This is my first day back and I'm Blessed to Read an Outstanding Writing with Poetry in Motion.
I'm not acquainted with you and your writings but I will stop bye your house for another reading and maybe become a fan...Q.T...Phil.
Comment from doggymad
This was a powerful poem which describes the horror visited on the Syrian people.
You speak of the harsh reality of life for those who do not have the means of leaving this war torn place.
Best of luck in the contest
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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This was a powerful poem which describes the horror visited on the Syrian people.
You speak of the harsh reality of life for those who do not have the means of leaving this war torn place.
Best of luck in the contest
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you for reading and your kind review, truly appreciated : )
