Ghosts
Dedicated to all soldiers messed up from all wars. Isalud!63 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
It's a wonderful service you did, listening to the troubled vets, my friend. Only those who have been through it can fully grok the horrors of war. Your poem is powerful and expressive - with fantastic rhymes and great flow.
NOTES
Conditions of attrition caused by war
Can bleed a broken soldier evermore.
Superb lines, well worth repeating as a closing 'punch'.
love this line:
May fragmentary visions bring you peace
Honestly, I flinch slightly on the reverse syntax here (sounds forced to my ear):
And constant conflict resolution cease.
Potent voicing and rhyme choices:
War climbed inside your head each time you grieved,
No help from old traditions once believed.
*
All friends(,) along with faith(,) have disappeared,
OUTSTANDING LINES:
You now are but a shell stripped of its gears,
Aladdin on his carpet ride in tears.
AWESOME:
The sunshine through your windowpane at dawn
Reduces you from Knight to worthless Pawn.
*
At night(,) miasmic death comes to your room
Good internal rhymes scattered throughout, especially here along with room:
And you assume they're absent from the tomb.
*
But(,) truth be known(,) they thrive inside your bones,
*
Succumbing to the reaper's fertive call.
Fertive should be spelled: furtive
Potent closing note as a penultimate stanza prior to the couplet, with fine repetition and superb alliteration:
The twilight sky shines crimson bright
Above the golden eagle's magic flight
To honor all who fought the futile fight
And share with them the horror of each night.
Warm regards,
rd
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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It's a wonderful service you did, listening to the troubled vets, my friend. Only those who have been through it can fully grok the horrors of war. Your poem is powerful and expressive - with fantastic rhymes and great flow.
NOTES
Conditions of attrition caused by war
Can bleed a broken soldier evermore.
Superb lines, well worth repeating as a closing 'punch'.
love this line:
May fragmentary visions bring you peace
Honestly, I flinch slightly on the reverse syntax here (sounds forced to my ear):
And constant conflict resolution cease.
Potent voicing and rhyme choices:
War climbed inside your head each time you grieved,
No help from old traditions once believed.
*
All friends(,) along with faith(,) have disappeared,
OUTSTANDING LINES:
You now are but a shell stripped of its gears,
Aladdin on his carpet ride in tears.
AWESOME:
The sunshine through your windowpane at dawn
Reduces you from Knight to worthless Pawn.
*
At night(,) miasmic death comes to your room
Good internal rhymes scattered throughout, especially here along with room:
And you assume they're absent from the tomb.
*
But(,) truth be known(,) they thrive inside your bones,
*
Succumbing to the reaper's fertive call.
Fertive should be spelled: furtive
Potent closing note as a penultimate stanza prior to the couplet, with fine repetition and superb alliteration:
The twilight sky shines crimson bright
Above the golden eagle's magic flight
To honor all who fought the futile fight
And share with them the horror of each night.
Warm regards,
rd
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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All corrected sis. Thanks a million again, and again. tom
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:-))))
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The sadness of war can only truly be understood by those who have experienced it first hand. We can imagine what it was like, but to be there in the firing line with the threat of death at any moment is a terror I cannot begin to imagine. I admire you for listening to those soldiers who have been marred by their experience and I hope your listening ear helpe them to cope and move forward and begin to enjoy their lives again. Back to your poem, your words are poignant, raw and resonating, my favourite stanza is:
At night miasmic death comes to your room
And you assume they're absent from the tomb.
But truth be known they thrive inside your bones,
As you begin to hear malignant moans.
This for me brings home the soldiers plight and what he is dealing with when war is over, a great poem, sorry I am out of sixes, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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The sadness of war can only truly be understood by those who have experienced it first hand. We can imagine what it was like, but to be there in the firing line with the threat of death at any moment is a terror I cannot begin to imagine. I admire you for listening to those soldiers who have been marred by their experience and I hope your listening ear helpe them to cope and move forward and begin to enjoy their lives again. Back to your poem, your words are poignant, raw and resonating, my favourite stanza is:
At night miasmic death comes to your room
And you assume they're absent from the tomb.
But truth be known they thrive inside your bones,
As you begin to hear malignant moans.
This for me brings home the soldiers plight and what he is dealing with when war is over, a great poem, sorry I am out of sixes, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Hi Dolly and thank you once more for a great review and forget the sixes, I like the critiques from one to six. lol. Thanks again friend. tom
Comment from estory
The haunting images of death and war crawl over the reader in this poignant poem, stitched in a somber, measured rhythm. I loved the measured, almost marching gait, and this image of the dead soldiers crawling over you really stands out and jumps out at the reader. It is hard to let go of war. My uncle experienced many terrible things in World war 2, he saw many horrific things, and got wounded four times and these haunting memories drove him to drink and he had a hard time fighting it for the rest of his life. Faith in the cross, the absolution of the blood of Jesus is the only way to get beyond the horrors of this world. estory
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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The haunting images of death and war crawl over the reader in this poignant poem, stitched in a somber, measured rhythm. I loved the measured, almost marching gait, and this image of the dead soldiers crawling over you really stands out and jumps out at the reader. It is hard to let go of war. My uncle experienced many terrible things in World war 2, he saw many horrific things, and got wounded four times and these haunting memories drove him to drink and he had a hard time fighting it for the rest of his life. Faith in the cross, the absolution of the blood of Jesus is the only way to get beyond the horrors of this world. estory
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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I'm sorry for your Uncle story and I understand completely his plight. I thank you very much for this great review. tom
Comment from dragonpoet
First and foremost, thank you for your service and I'm sorry about how the Vietnam vets were treated when they returned,
This poem does give images of the pain seen in nightmares that vets have and how a lot of them lost their families when the flashback manifested. I think you did a good thing by visiting them and letting them vent.
Keep writing
Happy holidays.
Joan
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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First and foremost, thank you for your service and I'm sorry about how the Vietnam vets were treated when they returned,
This poem does give images of the pain seen in nightmares that vets have and how a lot of them lost their families when the flashback manifested. I think you did a good thing by visiting them and letting them vent.
Keep writing
Happy holidays.
Joan
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Hi Joan and thank you so much for a fine review. Happy Holidays to you and yours my friend. tom
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You're welcome, Tom.
Joan
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
Your poem moved me EasyEverett, and I am sorry for how Vietnam soldiers were treated when you got home. That is a total disgrace. I was a little girl at the time, but still I had friends who had been in that terrible war. (((( EasyEverett ))) those are hugs. Thank you, for what you did for your country. :)
Have a happy season. :)
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Hello,
Your poem moved me EasyEverett, and I am sorry for how Vietnam soldiers were treated when you got home. That is a total disgrace. I was a little girl at the time, but still I had friends who had been in that terrible war. (((( EasyEverett ))) those are hugs. Thank you, for what you did for your country. :)
Have a happy season. :)
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the hugs and holiday wishes Rasmine. Also, of course, thank you so much for the most generous review of this post. I am most honored. tom
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TY, are you the Tom that owns this site?
Comment from nancy_e_davis
We cannot begin to know what those soldiers saw over there. Over there everywhere. All wars are bloody and horrible and boys raised with gentle folks can't get over what they witnessed. God Bless you for trying to help them sort thru it.
Every war gets bloodier. When will they ever learn. Nancy
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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We cannot begin to know what those soldiers saw over there. Over there everywhere. All wars are bloody and horrible and boys raised with gentle folks can't get over what they witnessed. God Bless you for trying to help them sort thru it.
Every war gets bloodier. When will they ever learn. Nancy
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Thank you Nancy for your comments and for your fine review. tom
Comment from Hitcher
Brilliant, emotional, thought provoking, sad and terrifying... war is darkness and its reach knows no bounds, it would be better for some to have died rather than survive because their live are a living hell afterwards. Loved this one Tom, awesome write! I wrote a sonnet awhile back you might like, I'll attach it here for you .
A Soldier's Lament
I pray this war will end and set me free
to be with you again, it's why I fight.
I ache for what once was, for you and me,
before the darkness came and dimmed my light.
The battlefield has torn my soul in two
and frayed the fragile fabric of my mind.
My sanity clings to those dreams of you,
for vengeance is a word I've redefined.
Death comes to me each night, invades my sleep,
it tortures me with eyes that bleed for why.
The gruesome gore of glory makes me weep,
some nights I wish that I could fade and die.
I pray this war will end and set me free
but fear the man I was... will never be.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Brilliant, emotional, thought provoking, sad and terrifying... war is darkness and its reach knows no bounds, it would be better for some to have died rather than survive because their live are a living hell afterwards. Loved this one Tom, awesome write! I wrote a sonnet awhile back you might like, I'll attach it here for you .
A Soldier's Lament
I pray this war will end and set me free
to be with you again, it's why I fight.
I ache for what once was, for you and me,
before the darkness came and dimmed my light.
The battlefield has torn my soul in two
and frayed the fragile fabric of my mind.
My sanity clings to those dreams of you,
for vengeance is a word I've redefined.
Death comes to me each night, invades my sleep,
it tortures me with eyes that bleed for why.
The gruesome gore of glory makes me weep,
some nights I wish that I could fade and die.
I pray this war will end and set me free
but fear the man I was... will never be.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Hitch and again I say post your sonnet. It truly is a very fine sonnet that can be both instructive and helpful to many. Thanks again my old friend for the great support. tom
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
' It has taken me all these years to try and honor their reality through poetry. I know this poetic falls short of what I wanted to create but I hope all those brave and broken souls can forgive my obvious limitations' I have showed your work to some of the best professional published poets I know, typically formalists who have said to me they think your work cannot be bettered. What an accolade? Why no, you deserve it as it is true. So never put yourself down again. Your work is beyond magnificent. You are a true genius an don't know it...wow...this as with your other work humbled me you are amazing, Well done once more on a heartrending piece...much love Meia
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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' It has taken me all these years to try and honor their reality through poetry. I know this poetic falls short of what I wanted to create but I hope all those brave and broken souls can forgive my obvious limitations' I have showed your work to some of the best professional published poets I know, typically formalists who have said to me they think your work cannot be bettered. What an accolade? Why no, you deserve it as it is true. So never put yourself down again. Your work is beyond magnificent. You are a true genius an don't know it...wow...this as with your other work humbled me you are amazing, Well done once more on a heartrending piece...much love Meia
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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I really appreciate the comments Meia and I thank you so much for supporting my poetry in many ways. I am very flattered and pleased that my poetics is admired by so many people. I thank you again friend. tom
Comment from robina1978
I did need your foot note somewhat to completely understand what your poem was about. It is all about Vietnam veterans. You visited them as a volunteer. And were very impressed with their traumas.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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I did need your foot note somewhat to completely understand what your poem was about. It is all about Vietnam veterans. You visited them as a volunteer. And were very impressed with their traumas.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much robina for this exceptional review. I am glad the notes helped you with the poem and thanks for mentioning them robina. tom
Comment from AndyBrown
Well done.
This is a very touching gesture. I can't imagine the things you heard. I'm sure it would be well received by any and all service members who read it.
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Well done.
This is a very touching gesture. I can't imagine the things you heard. I'm sure it would be well received by any and all service members who read it.
Nicely done.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2017
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Thanks so much Andy for the reassuring comment and great review. tom
