Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Lady of the house"Free verse poems
17 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I love the way you've spread the verses, which I've done from time to time, to stagger the meter, and not have the monotony of a single pulse by too hypnotic. I know you've suffered at the hands of the obscene condition, which robs the mind od dignity, and prolongs your suffering at its gnarled fingers, well done beautifully written, in tetrametric quatrains staggered with tetrametric/trimeter. Well done Carol, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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I love the way you've spread the verses, which I've done from time to time, to stagger the meter, and not have the monotony of a single pulse by too hypnotic. I know you've suffered at the hands of the obscene condition, which robs the mind od dignity, and prolongs your suffering at its gnarled fingers, well done beautifully written, in tetrametric quatrains staggered with tetrametric/trimeter. Well done Carol, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 17-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Thank you so much, my friend - I think you are well acquainted at this point with my trials. Today I took my mom a huge bouquet of flowers and called my brother when I got there. She is terrible on the phone, but was able to say that she loved him and that made me glad. Thank you for understanding. Oh, the form was created by Jim -- Pantygynt on this site. He didn't realize how much I like it!
Carol
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Yes I'm uttering a prayer you survive with strength,, without too much grief. Which you already display in your manifold boldness of character
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Thanks Roy!!!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, it is sad that your mother doesn't remember it, and I now know why. It must have been a difficult to walk by. I'm sure it holds many memories for you. You've composed a wonderful poem about a place which is dear to you. I especially liked:
A sob of wind within the green
and softly leaning trees;
an icy moon casts out her sheen
and sinks by fine degrees.
Warm regards. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Hi Carol, it is sad that your mother doesn't remember it, and I now know why. It must have been a difficult to walk by. I'm sure it holds many memories for you. You've composed a wonderful poem about a place which is dear to you. I especially liked:
A sob of wind within the green
and softly leaning trees;
an icy moon casts out her sheen
and sinks by fine degrees.
Warm regards. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Thanks, that part seemed to write itself. I so appreciate your reviews of my work, and for understanding what it's all about :)))Carol
Comment from CD Richards
This is a truly beautiful poem, Carol, but it contains a great deal of sadness. It must be terribly difficult to deal with a loved one going through this.
Just one question about the content. I'm not familiar with what I assume is PG's created form, but I notice in the first two stanzas, the last line's end-rhyme returns to that of the last line in the first part of the stanza (descry/sigh, degrees/knees), but the last one departs from this (confined/lees). Just wondering if this is deliberate, or maybe an oversight?
Anyway, I like the form, and I love the poem. Well done,
Craig
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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This is a truly beautiful poem, Carol, but it contains a great deal of sadness. It must be terribly difficult to deal with a loved one going through this.
Just one question about the content. I'm not familiar with what I assume is PG's created form, but I notice in the first two stanzas, the last line's end-rhyme returns to that of the last line in the first part of the stanza (descry/sigh, degrees/knees), but the last one departs from this (confined/lees). Just wondering if this is deliberate, or maybe an oversight?
Anyway, I like the form, and I love the poem. Well done,
Craig
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Arghhhh! you're right! Nobody else has noticed. This is an error and I must fix it - even the form's creator missed the error (he must have been blinded by the poem's excellence, lol). I am going to have to think this one through, but I thank you for noticing. This particular poem is important to me so I want it to be right. Thank you!
Carol
Comment from BeasPeas
This is excellent, Carol. I identify with your well-written piece. Heartbreaking for the family, as well as the elderly person (if cognizant). The last two stanzas, especially, are emotionally touching and meaningful. Marilyn
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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This is excellent, Carol. I identify with your well-written piece. Heartbreaking for the family, as well as the elderly person (if cognizant). The last two stanzas, especially, are emotionally touching and meaningful. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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You know what, she's not really cognizant anymore - except today when I asked her how she was doing she said "not very well." Why not? She said she felt afraid. On some level she still knows that her mind is going, and fast. I so wish I could have spared her all this. Hugs,
Carol
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That comment is worrisome. My mother said the same thing when I tried to reassure her. I'd say, "What's wrong mom?" She'd answer, "I'm afraid." But she wasn't able to tell me what she was afraid of. Very stressful. I know what you are going through. Marilyn
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It must be common for them to feel afraid...and why wouldn't they? If you don't understand who you are exactly or what's happening it would be very frightening. :(
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That's true. It would be nice if they could verbalize it though, then we would know how to respond to make them feel comforted. My mom is gone now for a long time, but I still recall her comment.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice photo; notes are appreciated.
-You wrote an excellent poem about
your mother and the memories brought
back by going to the house.
-You also express the deep pain
of how this horrible illness has
taken her from you.
-It is hard for me to comment on the
poem as a poem.
-You have touched my heart, Carol.
-My thoughts and prayers are with you.
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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-Very nice photo; notes are appreciated.
-You wrote an excellent poem about
your mother and the memories brought
back by going to the house.
-You also express the deep pain
of how this horrible illness has
taken her from you.
-It is hard for me to comment on the
poem as a poem.
-You have touched my heart, Carol.
-My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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It's almost cheating when you write a poem about something like this. But it was something I needed to write, and had been working on for awhile. My first attempt was on the back of an envelope which I misplaced. Thank you so much, Pam, for your kind and sympathetic comments.
Carol
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It is not cheating at all, Carol. It is always important to share your feelings when you need to. You are very welcome and deserving of the review and stars.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Carol,
Your beautiful imagery is draped with sorrow
You've put into words what many have experienced
when time steals light and life is but a dim haze
There is a stillness in an empty home
where smiles and laughter once echoed off walls
But know, in time, memories will turn toward younger days
and warmth will push aside the icy moon
for sunlight will return
A splendid Pantygynt
Wishing you well, my friend
Robert
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Hello Carol,
Your beautiful imagery is draped with sorrow
You've put into words what many have experienced
when time steals light and life is but a dim haze
There is a stillness in an empty home
where smiles and laughter once echoed off walls
But know, in time, memories will turn toward younger days
and warmth will push aside the icy moon
for sunlight will return
A splendid Pantygynt
Wishing you well, my friend
Robert
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Thanks so much, Robert. Sometimes it is so painful for me to see her that I think it affects my health. It's kind of strange, but you know, she was my best friend (and mother) for my whole life. I do believe sunshine will return, and when she finally goes, I will be happy to know that she's at rest, finally,
Carol
Comment from Michael W Hogan
On my first read, I was taken back to that eerie place that every child visits when out for a night of mischief. You had me. Then I read your notes and realized the personal nature of what you wrote. Wow. So sad yet so awesome.
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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On my first read, I was taken back to that eerie place that every child visits when out for a night of mischief. You had me. Then I read your notes and realized the personal nature of what you wrote. Wow. So sad yet so awesome.
Comment Written 15-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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Thanks so much, I honestly love it when people make their own interpretations, it's kind of neat that a poem can work that way. I appreciate your review and the six stars!
Carol
Comment from johnwilson
This is so hauntingly beautiful, it gave me those goosebumps from reading great poetry or prose that goes beyond words and paints both verbal/mind pictures. Unfortunately, all of us who love, experience joy receive these blows--the yin yang for which there's no cure--only time. Again, I hope your writing gives you some place to go. I feel you.
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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This is so hauntingly beautiful, it gave me those goosebumps from reading great poetry or prose that goes beyond words and paints both verbal/mind pictures. Unfortunately, all of us who love, experience joy receive these blows--the yin yang for which there's no cure--only time. Again, I hope your writing gives you some place to go. I feel you.
Comment Written 15-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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I tried to write this months ago, then lost my copy of it (handwritten) so I started over from scratch. It took me awhile to get it into it's finished form, lol. I had a few false starts. Thanks so much for this review, it means a lot to me :))
Carol
Comment from Mark Valentine
If we had a seven star rating that we could only use once every six months, this poem would get mine. Where to even start? The title is lovely.
The structure, alternating 8-6-8-6 syllable stanzas with 8-8-8-6 stanzas (with the last 6 syllable line set apart) serves to highlight the shorter lines.
The word choices "lees", "darkling", "descry", "bide" create a dignified, intelligent aura.
The phrases - omg - how much thought and care must have went into these! "sob of wind" - how has nobody in the history of poetry (to my knowledge) not hit upon that evocative phrase before?. "softly leaning trees", "timeless sleep", and "velvet silence" are so gentle and contrast with "chilly breezes" and "icy moon", much in the way that the sought-for memories contrast with current reality.
"Life lived too long" is a great, alliterative phrase for capturing the reality of dementia. I remember not being totally sad when my father passed, because the life he would have had going forward wasn't really a life - the real life ended before he died. "humanity confined" is another great articulation of a dimension of Alzheimer's.
Every line, every word, is so carefully placed - I could go on for pages. One of the loveliest, and saddest poems I've read - on this site or anywhere.
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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If we had a seven star rating that we could only use once every six months, this poem would get mine. Where to even start? The title is lovely.
The structure, alternating 8-6-8-6 syllable stanzas with 8-8-8-6 stanzas (with the last 6 syllable line set apart) serves to highlight the shorter lines.
The word choices "lees", "darkling", "descry", "bide" create a dignified, intelligent aura.
The phrases - omg - how much thought and care must have went into these! "sob of wind" - how has nobody in the history of poetry (to my knowledge) not hit upon that evocative phrase before?. "softly leaning trees", "timeless sleep", and "velvet silence" are so gentle and contrast with "chilly breezes" and "icy moon", much in the way that the sought-for memories contrast with current reality.
"Life lived too long" is a great, alliterative phrase for capturing the reality of dementia. I remember not being totally sad when my father passed, because the life he would have had going forward wasn't really a life - the real life ended before he died. "humanity confined" is another great articulation of a dimension of Alzheimer's.
Every line, every word, is so carefully placed - I could go on for pages. One of the loveliest, and saddest poems I've read - on this site or anywhere.
Comment Written 15-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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Mark, I am honestly so pleased and humbled by your review here. This form that Jim developed is one of my favorites, and it's not hard to create a beautiful poem using it. This poem had several false starts and a couple of major revisions - but it's something I've been trying to get out there for awhile. I think I will be sad when my mother finally goes, not that she's gone but because of what she had to go through in the end. So not fair and so totally heartbreaking. I know you understand. THANK YOU for this most amazing review.
Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a beautiful use of the form i created here some time ago. I think I can safely say that it is the most beautiful I have read and so full of meaning.
It is skilfully constructed in three cycles. The first is a simple description of the place in its location with a brief reference to its occupant no longer present.
The second cycle develops the theme of loneliness and the third excels in describing the deadline state in which the lady lives. Even though there is no mention of Alzheimer's directly, the oblique references to it, phrased so beautifully make it clear to the reader what this is all about.
This could not be less than six.
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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This is a beautiful use of the form i created here some time ago. I think I can safely say that it is the most beautiful I have read and so full of meaning.
It is skilfully constructed in three cycles. The first is a simple description of the place in its location with a brief reference to its occupant no longer present.
The second cycle develops the theme of loneliness and the third excels in describing the deadline state in which the lady lives. Even though there is no mention of Alzheimer's directly, the oblique references to it, phrased so beautifully make it clear to the reader what this is all about.
This could not be less than six.
Comment Written 15-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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This form is one of my favorites - not sure if you knew that. It is one that will stick with me, for sure. I had a fourth cycle in at first that I threw out. I also wrote a version of this back in January, on the back of an envelope, which I lost. So this was a rewrite and not an easy one. I do kinda like how it came out. Thank you for the kind comments :)
Carol
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I didn't know it was liked so much by you. I am so pleased. I think you ended up with a superb poem and just the right length.
