Waiting for Someday
Dialogue Only: Between mother and young son...29 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Diane. this dialogue deserves six stars for sure, but alas I am out. (Bob turns his pockets inside out to show he is not fibbing)
Very heartfelt story and well told.
Suggestions if you don't mind:
"You need speech quote marks all the way through, Diane.
"Hey, Buddy... What are you doing, Morgan?" I realize you are setting the scene to show how tight Morgan and his Mom are, but it's too early and down't sound quite right. Choose one. Probably "Hey, Morgan, what're you doin?"
I wish you the best of luck in the contest, my friend. :) Bob
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hi, Diane. this dialogue deserves six stars for sure, but alas I am out. (Bob turns his pockets inside out to show he is not fibbing)
Very heartfelt story and well told.
Suggestions if you don't mind:
"You need speech quote marks all the way through, Diane.
"Hey, Buddy... What are you doing, Morgan?" I realize you are setting the scene to show how tight Morgan and his Mom are, but it's too early and down't sound quite right. Choose one. Probably "Hey, Morgan, what're you doin?"
I wish you the best of luck in the contest, my friend. :) Bob
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hello Bob!
I always am so pleased when you stop by and review my work.
The prompt called for "no sentence tags," and the example showed none as well, so I did not employ them.
But I surely do see what you mean about the Buddy/Morgan potential confusion. Will fix that!
I can still see our son sitting by his beloved dog's grave. We all miss "Gus," but Morgan took it particularly hard.
Thank you so much for your excellent rating and thoughtful review!
diane
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Oooops. I did not notice that regarding the tags. Did it alsom say no quote marks? I know a boy and his dog is special. :) Bob
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Hi Bob,
Here is the prompt:
Dialogue Only Writing Contest:
Write a story using only dialogue. No narration, description, or sentence tags. No length requirements.
Example:
It's a beautiful day.
Indeed, but the sun is very hot.
Yes, it is hot. I'm going to swim in the ocean.
Honey, I'll join you.
I think I'm aok! :)
Comment from aanneee
This is beautifully and sensitively done, maybe it is your truth and maybe it isn't it still rings true and sounds like a Mother/Son talk after the loss of a beloved pet. I wish you luck in the contest Dialogue Only Writing Contest - Dinah
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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This is beautifully and sensitively done, maybe it is your truth and maybe it isn't it still rings true and sounds like a Mother/Son talk after the loss of a beloved pet. I wish you luck in the contest Dialogue Only Writing Contest - Dinah
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hello Dinah,
The scenario is exactly as it happened ...as I remember it...when our son, Morgan, was mourning the loss of our beloved Golden Retriever, Gus. I can still see our son, sitting in the area we had cleared to bury Gus. Morgan was just six years old. He was sitting cross-legged with his elbows resting on his knees and his chin in his hands. So forlorn...
Thank you for your excellent review and rating...I'll never forget our conversation...
diane
Comment from karenina
Aw. Such a sweet conversation between Mom and son... It is so hard for kids to understand about loss....heck, it's had for adults to understand half the time! I think you put together a believable and tender dialogue only exchange...very nice.
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Aw. Such a sweet conversation between Mom and son... It is so hard for kids to understand about loss....heck, it's had for adults to understand half the time! I think you put together a believable and tender dialogue only exchange...very nice.
Karenina
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hello Karenina,
Definitely believable.
Definitely happened.
I was sharing the incident with my husband this afternoon, and we both choked up even after all these years!
Thank you for your excellent rating and complimentary review!
diane
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Touched my heart!
Comment from Air Spirit
A tender, loving and tender conversation with a young soul about death...and what happens after we die... it reflects the fear, questions, concerns and reflections that a mind of innocence may have over such a profound event as death... I remember how overwhelming it was, when I first talked about it when I was young... questions sounded similar... this is a very enjoyable read, one that will probably stand out in your memories for a very long time... :)
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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A tender, loving and tender conversation with a young soul about death...and what happens after we die... it reflects the fear, questions, concerns and reflections that a mind of innocence may have over such a profound event as death... I remember how overwhelming it was, when I first talked about it when I was young... questions sounded similar... this is a very enjoyable read, one that will probably stand out in your memories for a very long time... :)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hello Friend,
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
I remember this incident as if it happened yesterday... We still talk about Gus; we all surely loved him...
So pleased you enjoyed...
diane
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh, this is sweet. It is so hard to lose a pet. I don't have any, may get a dog one day when I'm all alone, but then I'd have to go thru this. Don't want to do that. But anyway this is very well done. Hope you do well in the contest. Rox
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Oh, this is sweet. It is so hard to lose a pet. I don't have any, may get a dog one day when I'm all alone, but then I'd have to go thru this. Don't want to do that. But anyway this is very well done. Hope you do well in the contest. Rox
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hello Roxanna,
So pleased you enjoyed.
Very difficult to lose a pet...especially one as loved as Gus...
Thank you for your excellent rating and complimentary review...
diane
Comment from Joy Graham
I'm sorry to be out of sixes. You have me fighting back tears. I lost my beloved cat last week. The vet said he was old and it was his time. It hurts my heart so much because I'm the one that found him dead. This post is well timed. I'm searching for peace, and you brought me a little bit of that peace. To know I'm not alone. It has to be the worst thing to lose a family member or friend. Best wishes in this contest.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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I'm sorry to be out of sixes. You have me fighting back tears. I lost my beloved cat last week. The vet said he was old and it was his time. It hurts my heart so much because I'm the one that found him dead. This post is well timed. I'm searching for peace, and you brought me a little bit of that peace. To know I'm not alone. It has to be the worst thing to lose a family member or friend. Best wishes in this contest.
Joy xx
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hello Joy,
Our son, Morgan, and his golden retriever, Gus, were "joined at the hip." We buried Gus on our woodland property...behind a blue bench. I can still see our son, sitting by the grave with his head in his hands "just thinking about Gus."
We have buried all of our beloved pets on our property. There is some comfort knowing that...
Thank you for your excellent review, and I am sorry for your loss...
diane
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you may have written the winner here. it is very well, written, precise, easily followed and the subject matter will definitely appeal to the committee. That's something that is very important.
Good stuff
GMG
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Hi there,
I think you may have written the winner here. it is very well, written, precise, easily followed and the subject matter will definitely appeal to the committee. That's something that is very important.
Good stuff
GMG
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Thank you, Gareth...
I hope it doesn't come across as maudlin, as the conversation is as I remember it with our son, Morgan.
Do you think the reader also realizes that the mother is also "waiting for someday" to come quickly for her regarding "Grandpa Dan?" It's subtle, but it's there.
Thank you for your excellent rating and complimentary review.
diane
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Yeah, it works on multiple levels, for those who read a bit deeper, but the top level is easily accessible for those who don't.
I don't think it's maudlin at all. Hope it does well
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Dialogue Only writing prompt.
Your story of the boy missing his dog is clear in the dialogue.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Dialogue Only writing prompt.
Your story of the boy missing his dog is clear in the dialogue.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Thank you, Sharon.
I remember this day as if it just happened...although it was a conversation with my son nearly twenty-five years ago...
Thank you!
diane
Comment from meeshu
a very touching story, beautifully handled by the parent figure. dealing with a child's first loss must be difficult. good luck, KT.............meeshu
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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a very touching story, beautifully handled by the parent figure. dealing with a child's first loss must be difficult. good luck, KT.............meeshu
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2018
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Thank you, meeshu!
We still talk about Gus although he left us many years ago!
Thank you for your excellent rating and complimentary review...
diane
