Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Weight of the World"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
10 total reviews
Comment from Diana L Crawford
So I was wondering where your name Eu El came from. So you are Chinese yourself? I see you have knowledge of the culture. I used to go to Chinatown in Chicago when I lived there. I was in my mid 20's and my ex husband and I studied Tai Chi so we would often go to get shoes. I loved the shoes! I had inside and outside ones and of course comfy pants and a top or two! Best food too even though I still have difficulty with chopsticks! Brings back some good memories! Haha!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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So I was wondering where your name Eu El came from. So you are Chinese yourself? I see you have knowledge of the culture. I used to go to Chinatown in Chicago when I lived there. I was in my mid 20's and my ex husband and I studied Tai Chi so we would often go to get shoes. I loved the shoes! I had inside and outside ones and of course comfy pants and a top or two! Best food too even though I still have difficulty with chopsticks! Brings back some good memories! Haha!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
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That?s awesome, Diana. Chinatown has been a part of my life since University back in the late nineties. It has revealed a lot about my past and future. It also conveys a lot of cultural aspects my parents never passed to me. Thank you for the stars. Great way to begin the work week. :)
-Euell
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so welcome! love reading this! :)
Comment from heart of Lou
I loved reading this story, which was partly humorous but also sad that the father cared so little about the dreams of the son. He might have won that race, you dumb dad!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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I loved reading this story, which was partly humorous but also sad that the father cared so little about the dreams of the son. He might have won that race, you dumb dad!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Lovely! I?m so happy that you found my story. Thank you for your review which sounded like you identified with the multiple layers of emotion (happy and sad and frustrating). Hope you can read my next chapter. Thank you again!
Comment from apky
I've been away since the beginning of June but still I thorouhgly enjoyed the story.
One of your strongest suits as a writer is in the flow of your narrative and especially the smoothnes of your dialogue:
>>"I have no idea how I'm going to do this," Eu El admits.
"Don't look at me. I'm already lending my bike to you. Sorry, but this is all I got. My dad handed it down to me in middle school. I swear the last time it actually raced was when The Bee Gees were still a band."
Again, simultaneously, despite the dismal circumstance, they laugh with the same "nerdy" snort.
"Seriously, El. My dad wouldn't let me go to the prom either. But, when you asked him to help you with this triathlon and he said 'No!' that is a Darth Vader altering his deal with Lando Calrissian kinda low."<<
Absolutely riveting!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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I've been away since the beginning of June but still I thorouhgly enjoyed the story.
One of your strongest suits as a writer is in the flow of your narrative and especially the smoothnes of your dialogue:
>>"I have no idea how I'm going to do this," Eu El admits.
"Don't look at me. I'm already lending my bike to you. Sorry, but this is all I got. My dad handed it down to me in middle school. I swear the last time it actually raced was when The Bee Gees were still a band."
Again, simultaneously, despite the dismal circumstance, they laugh with the same "nerdy" snort.
"Seriously, El. My dad wouldn't let me go to the prom either. But, when you asked him to help you with this triathlon and he said 'No!' that is a Darth Vader altering his deal with Lando Calrissian kinda low."<<
Absolutely riveting!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thank you for your kind review and insight. I appreciate your comment and highlighting my strong points. Looking forward to more of your comments. Again, Thank you!
Comment from ESHIN
This is the kind of story I have been waiting for. Not many stories portray the protagonist from as a foreigner unless you are from another country. I like your voice here. It captures the characteristics of a "nerd" from a time that is different from today. For example, the television and the show, 'Family Matters.'
Additionally, your storyline is quite unique. You infuse many angles for the reader that make it both appealing, as well as mysterious. Hope to read more!
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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This is the kind of story I have been waiting for. Not many stories portray the protagonist from as a foreigner unless you are from another country. I like your voice here. It captures the characteristics of a "nerd" from a time that is different from today. For example, the television and the show, 'Family Matters.'
Additionally, your storyline is quite unique. You infuse many angles for the reader that make it both appealing, as well as mysterious. Hope to read more!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Thank you!
Comment from Mastery
Hello, My Friend. This is a very engaging story that i am just now catching up on. You are a strong writer, indeed. As a rule, I am not a fantasy or Sci Fi buff, but this one holds my attention...at least for now.
Your imagery is believable and clearly noted, like,
" As Eu El rubs his palm against the top of his jeans, he feels a sense of pity in Daniel. Eu El, however, reacts to the event with a childlike forgiveness."
And: The commercial interrupts his father's concentration enough to adjust himself away from the comfort of his recliner."
Suggestions if I may: "Simultaneously, the two boys lightly laugh at the comical coincidence with a "nerdy" snort." (Instead of lightly laughing, how about "the two boys erupted in giggles"
And here: "Eu El makes a depressed sigh" Try "Eu El sighed."
Good job overall, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Hello, My Friend. This is a very engaging story that i am just now catching up on. You are a strong writer, indeed. As a rule, I am not a fantasy or Sci Fi buff, but this one holds my attention...at least for now.
Your imagery is believable and clearly noted, like,
" As Eu El rubs his palm against the top of his jeans, he feels a sense of pity in Daniel. Eu El, however, reacts to the event with a childlike forgiveness."
And: The commercial interrupts his father's concentration enough to adjust himself away from the comfort of his recliner."
Suggestions if I may: "Simultaneously, the two boys lightly laugh at the comical coincidence with a "nerdy" snort." (Instead of lightly laughing, how about "the two boys erupted in giggles"
And here: "Eu El makes a depressed sigh" Try "Eu El sighed."
Good job overall, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Hello! Thank you for your review and kind compliments! I appreciate it very much. I took much attention to your helpful suggestions. Hopefully, this story will continue to engage your senses. When I started this project, I meant it to target readers between ages 9-14. Hopefully, it will not bore you. Thank you again!
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I'll stick around if you will. LOL..Meaning, start reviewing my detective chapters. Okay? Fair nuff. Bob
Comment from kahpot
a wonderful chapter in this very intriguing story, if I may the sentence that starts with " see his father shouts " it goes on to read" what a waste of money that could HAD been: maybe be this should be HAVE, An excellent continuation and I look forward to reading more****kahpot
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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a wonderful chapter in this very intriguing story, if I may the sentence that starts with " see his father shouts " it goes on to read" what a waste of money that could HAD been: maybe be this should be HAVE, An excellent continuation and I look forward to reading more****kahpot
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Kahpot. I always look forward to reading your reviews.
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Hi Kahpot! Just wanted to thank you again for your continued interest. I'm trying to send you a few Member Pump Cents as a sign of my appreciation.
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Trying to see how I can provide you with Pumps, but my navigation on this site is not the best. I'll keep trying. I visit here occasionally so I'm not very adept. I'll keep trying. Thank you again.
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Many thanks though I will be very happy if you continue to supply me with more of your great work as this is enjoyable****kahpot
Comment from Marvin Calloway
A realistic portrayal of the relationship of a bad father and a frustrated son. I was interested right from the beginning. Well done.
I like the title.
Marv
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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A realistic portrayal of the relationship of a bad father and a frustrated son. I was interested right from the beginning. Well done.
I like the title.
Marv
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Marvin. Again, your review is greatly appreciated. It?ll get more and more interesting as it goes past the palm reading. Have a great week!
Comment from Barrie (Baz) Blakeway
There are two types of people, spectators and participators. You portray the lad who wants to participate but has a dad who does not encourage. If he needs encouragement from anyone it is his dad. Eu El's friend is a good sounding board and enables him to speak his frustration.
A lesson here for us all...move on regardless of what others think. We know what we want.
Keep writing you are doing well.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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There are two types of people, spectators and participators. You portray the lad who wants to participate but has a dad who does not encourage. If he needs encouragement from anyone it is his dad. Eu El's friend is a good sounding board and enables him to speak his frustration.
A lesson here for us all...move on regardless of what others think. We know what we want.
Keep writing you are doing well.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Baz! Your rating is greatly appreciated. You nailed the message of this story. Hope you read more past and future chapters. Thank you!
Comment from lyenochka
Good storytelling. I really liked the close friendship of Eu El and Duc. I remember that show Family Matters! I wish that Eu El would have told his father about how well he did but it's true to life especially for Asians to hold back from verbally expressing things.
Some comments and suggestions:
"from the t.v. show 'Family Matters," TV is the preferred way but you might want to remove it because you use the word "television" in the same sentence.
" show 'Family Matters,' broadcasts from the television " (writing books I've read say to use italics for names of TV shows)
"inseperable, and akward" (inseparable, awkward) misspelling occurs later on in this post.
"Eu El makes a depressed sigh. It was the kind of sigh that a person hears when they realize it is going to rain, but they realize they did not bring any umbrella with them. " (Best to rewrite this more simply. Maybe: Eu El sighed. It was the kind of sigh one makes realizing it's going to rain but forgot to bring an umbrella.)
"Okay, Sigmund Frued" (Freud)
"Good thing i did not buy you " (I)
"just paid attetion to me." (attention)
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Good storytelling. I really liked the close friendship of Eu El and Duc. I remember that show Family Matters! I wish that Eu El would have told his father about how well he did but it's true to life especially for Asians to hold back from verbally expressing things.
Some comments and suggestions:
"from the t.v. show 'Family Matters," TV is the preferred way but you might want to remove it because you use the word "television" in the same sentence.
" show 'Family Matters,' broadcasts from the television " (writing books I've read say to use italics for names of TV shows)
"inseperable, and akward" (inseparable, awkward) misspelling occurs later on in this post.
"Eu El makes a depressed sigh. It was the kind of sigh that a person hears when they realize it is going to rain, but they realize they did not bring any umbrella with them. " (Best to rewrite this more simply. Maybe: Eu El sighed. It was the kind of sigh one makes realizing it's going to rain but forgot to bring an umbrella.)
"Okay, Sigmund Frued" (Freud)
"Good thing i did not buy you " (I)
"just paid attetion to me." (attention)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Thank you! Yes, I?m glad you can relate to the Asian aspect of this story. It?s very true. I appreciate the corrections and review. At 1am, when I wrote it, my head began throbbing. Thank you again. Have a great week!
Comment from giraffmang
I continue to be fascinated by this tale. The writing and tone remain constant throughout. You do have a peculiar way of phrasing but it seems to fit perfectly with the slightly 'off' feeling to the tale. lol
Together, though neither acknowledged it, survived their own painful experience of being that invisible kid. - it feels like a word may be missing here. Perhaps the insertion of 'they' before survived.
rather spend thier salary on things that upgrades their status - just upgrade here. and their.
and akward as C-3PO and R2-D2.- awkward.
they stare at the the rusted bicycle - delete the repetition of 'the'.
A few nice Star Wars references in here. lol
An akward silence comes between them - awkward.
my parents don't pay me for that - My.
Okay, Sigmund Frued - Freud.
before the blonde and blue-eyed jock did - generally speaking it is blond for males and blonde for females.
"I...," Eu El could not even - you don't need to use the comma when using the ellipsis (three dots).
There is a feeling of pitty and sorrow - pity.
and I would had won a medal / Would had won?" Daniel repeats - have.
bicycle chain snapped after the a mile into the race - delete the first usage of 'the'.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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I continue to be fascinated by this tale. The writing and tone remain constant throughout. You do have a peculiar way of phrasing but it seems to fit perfectly with the slightly 'off' feeling to the tale. lol
Together, though neither acknowledged it, survived their own painful experience of being that invisible kid. - it feels like a word may be missing here. Perhaps the insertion of 'they' before survived.
rather spend thier salary on things that upgrades their status - just upgrade here. and their.
and akward as C-3PO and R2-D2.- awkward.
they stare at the the rusted bicycle - delete the repetition of 'the'.
A few nice Star Wars references in here. lol
An akward silence comes between them - awkward.
my parents don't pay me for that - My.
Okay, Sigmund Frued - Freud.
before the blonde and blue-eyed jock did - generally speaking it is blond for males and blonde for females.
"I...," Eu El could not even - you don't need to use the comma when using the ellipsis (three dots).
There is a feeling of pitty and sorrow - pity.
and I would had won a medal / Would had won?" Daniel repeats - have.
bicycle chain snapped after the a mile into the race - delete the first usage of 'the'.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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So happy you find it fascinating. It does give an unorthodox feel. I believe it?s largely because it?s relates to many fans of Sci-Fi. LOL
Thank you for the grammar assist. It?s never easy to write at 1am after work. Even the simple errors become a mental challenge :)