Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Midnight Sun"Free verse poems
17 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Hi,
I was wondering where this was coming from, the angle that prompted. Glad I read your author's notes as I felt it was something more personal.
Not an expert on the form, but always judge on being grabbed by the read, whatever the form. You did well here considering the subject matter in such few words.
Well done.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Hi,
I was wondering where this was coming from, the angle that prompted. Glad I read your author's notes as I felt it was something more personal.
Not an expert on the form, but always judge on being grabbed by the read, whatever the form. You did well here considering the subject matter in such few words.
Well done.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Thank you, so you saw it was based on a dream. It could be about any loved one who has passed away - they are gone but sometimes don't feel that far away. I often dream that a particular friend of mine has been in the mountains, where I am, but in the next valley over.
Thanks for reading, as always, Roy.
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
I am glad you were inspired by your dream to create this tanka. Thank you for your notes of additional context, because I would have missed the real meaning of "spiked out" without them. I admired your alliteration of "s's" that added more intensity to the poem. I once again appreciated your succinctness. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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I am glad you were inspired by your dream to create this tanka. Thank you for your notes of additional context, because I would have missed the real meaning of "spiked out" without them. I admired your alliteration of "s's" that added more intensity to the poem. I once again appreciated your succinctness. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Joan - this short one was fun to write - I like the brevity of it, and it's good practice to try to say a lot in less than 31 syllables :))
Carol
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Tanka about the midnight sun that is one of natures miracles and not understandable to humans. The blue hour is always something very beautiful.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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A very well-written Tanka about the midnight sun that is one of natures miracles and not understandable to humans. The blue hour is always something very beautiful.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thank you Sandra,
Carol
Comment from Ben Colder
While I reading this I was think about beautiful Montana and her capturing scenery. I hate it when fired destroy do much if her beauty. However nature always returns with beauty of her own. I find no fault with this poem.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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While I reading this I was think about beautiful Montana and her capturing scenery. I hate it when fired destroy do much if her beauty. However nature always returns with beauty of her own. I find no fault with this poem.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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I always feel terrible to read about the fires in Montana, there was a big one in West Glacier this summer so that scene will be very changed now. But nature does regenerate...
Carol
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh. My. Goodness. This is such a very touching piece...I hadn't read your author notes prior to reading through it a couple of times, but it truly is lovely. The rhythm and the flow are simply perfect to bring the reader into an almost surreal state of mind where they, too, feel the isolation and can almost hear a distant grumble....this was certainly well done! :) :) Yvette
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Oh. My. Goodness. This is such a very touching piece...I hadn't read your author notes prior to reading through it a couple of times, but it truly is lovely. The rhythm and the flow are simply perfect to bring the reader into an almost surreal state of mind where they, too, feel the isolation and can almost hear a distant grumble....this was certainly well done! :) :) Yvette
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much Yvette, this one feels important to me, I'm trying to reach into new ground with my poetry - this is a step in that direction. It may not need the notes at all, I just thought some people might have been going 'huh?"
I love bears, and recently saw my first grizzly in the wild, east of Glacier!
Thanks again!!
Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
This again, like the last one, this works well altogether but 'beneath kind of leaves one hanging. You could though attach it to the next line and lose the definite article for a five syllable satori.
It has taken me half a year to write these things reasonably and consistently. There's a lot more to them than one would think.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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This again, like the last one, this works well altogether but 'beneath kind of leaves one hanging. You could though attach it to the next line and lose the definite article for a five syllable satori.
It has taken me half a year to write these things reasonably and consistently. There's a lot more to them than one would think.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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To be honest, the hanging beneath doesn't feel like an issue to me, I feel like it draws the reader to the next line, to the midnight sun. Maybe if I didn't claim it was a modified tanka, would that help? It doesn't have to be. I am trying to get away from descriptive poetry and into...I don't know how to describe it. Let's just say, I've been reading Richard Hugo again:
Another One, not the one they took down from
the cross, is lugged by six old Indians ...
Anyway, I am not going to change this one. The Mountain River one I might change, but this one feels right to me.
Carol
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That is abvsolutely fare. Trust your own judgement, mine is only an opinion, and in truth this doesn't worry me as much as that 'in' in 'The Mountain River.
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See my reply, just sent
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I did.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A lovely tanka - modified, and true to this form. Well worded on a theme that has become a familiar one from you. I love the both the words and the picture. Well done - Regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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A lovely tanka - modified, and true to this form. Well worded on a theme that has become a familiar one from you. I love the both the words and the picture. Well done - Regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Dorothy, I do appreciate your support very much :))
Carol
Comment from CD Richards
I think you're enjoying these tanka creations of yours, Carol. I know I am. I don't know any Eskimos, Nordic folk, or Siberians, and only one Alaskan, so I think your slight liberty with borrowing the phrase is safe from any harm caused by me :) "Out of earshot", is, I think a rather delightful way to describe it. Good job -- Craig
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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I think you're enjoying these tanka creations of yours, Carol. I know I am. I don't know any Eskimos, Nordic folk, or Siberians, and only one Alaskan, so I think your slight liberty with borrowing the phrase is safe from any harm caused by me :) "Out of earshot", is, I think a rather delightful way to describe it. Good job -- Craig
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Craig. This one came into my head when I woke up from a dream about my friend. In the dream I was annoyed that he'd been up there and not writing to me. In the dream I also realized my sweet dog Mars had been outside the door for the past four years and I let her in - miss her so much. Anyway, I appreciate the stars very much, and your support :))
Carol
Comment from LIJ Red
Someday I may try a tanka, just to say I did it. I think of Blatty's line in Exorcist about old cemeteries where the gravestones cannot breathe...the far taiga or tundra might be more peaceful...excellent tanka
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Someday I may try a tanka, just to say I did it. I think of Blatty's line in Exorcist about old cemeteries where the gravestones cannot breathe...the far taiga or tundra might be more peaceful...excellent tanka
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Oh yes, I think the tundra is much better, with those big old brown bears for company :))
Carol
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is an example of how natures elements can kill us if we do not heed their warning. The chilling part of this write is 'the sweet grumble of bears', love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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This is an example of how natures elements can kill us if we do not heed their warning. The chilling part of this write is 'the sweet grumble of bears', love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Yes it's true, nature can be dangerous but it is beautiful too. Thanks, Dolly,
Carol
