Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Picture Her "Free verse poems
12 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, it's a lovely poem and I like it a lot. Such great imagery and very poetic. But a tanka it is not, and that doesn't matter because it stands tall on its own. As you can tell, I loved it. Kind regards, Ulla xx
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Hi Carol, it's a lovely poem and I like it a lot. Such great imagery and very poetic. But a tanka it is not, and that doesn't matter because it stands tall on its own. As you can tell, I loved it. Kind regards, Ulla xx
Comment Written 27-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Hi Ulla, I would ask why it isn't a tanka, but I changed it and now it has not even a vague resemblance to one. Thank you for your always honest and kind comments :))
Carol
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I'll have another look. :)))
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I'll have another look. :)))
Comment from Joan E.
The picture selected to accompany this tanka-like poem establishes the mood well. Even without the artwork, I could visualize the scene and I relished the final line. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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The picture selected to accompany this tanka-like poem establishes the mood well. Even without the artwork, I could visualize the scene and I relished the final line. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 27-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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You know, this scene is of Rattlesnake Creek and the bridge we crossed hundreds of times when walking from my mother's house. I changed it some and now call it free verse :))
Carol
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I admired your edits and was especially taken by the new "bone of the earth" line. Well done- Joan
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a fantastic tanka, Carol. The winter season being personified as old age while chilled with ice melting in shades of gray it is still remarkably beautiful, a Mother of pearl, A Mother of mother or a Mother.
Just beautiful. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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This is a fantastic tanka, Carol. The winter season being personified as old age while chilled with ice melting in shades of gray it is still remarkably beautiful, a Mother of pearl, A Mother of mother or a Mother.
Just beautiful. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Gloria. It's actually about my mother, I was having some bad moments thinking I never should have taken her away from Montana. It just wasn't doable for her to stay unless I quit my job and moved in with her...it still makes me sad.
Anyway, I love that it can be personified as winter/old age! Love that :))
Carol
Comment from CD Richards
When I think of mother of pearl, I think first of abalone, then oysters. But I looked at your picture and thought, "They are usually found in deeper waters than that." So I did what I usually do, and turned to Google, and there I found out about mussels that live in fast-flowing rivers, especially in cold regions, and I'm thinking that may be what you're referring to. Your poem became all the more poignant as I read that these beings can live for more than 200 years. How awful that such a creature should die because we like its pretty shell.
Of course, if it's not about bivalves, I've totally missed the mark lol
Love the way you've constructed and expressed this, Carol. Excellent work.
Craig
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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When I think of mother of pearl, I think first of abalone, then oysters. But I looked at your picture and thought, "They are usually found in deeper waters than that." So I did what I usually do, and turned to Google, and there I found out about mussels that live in fast-flowing rivers, especially in cold regions, and I'm thinking that may be what you're referring to. Your poem became all the more poignant as I read that these beings can live for more than 200 years. How awful that such a creature should die because we like its pretty shell.
Of course, if it's not about bivalves, I've totally missed the mark lol
Love the way you've constructed and expressed this, Carol. Excellent work.
Craig
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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Hi Craig,
Honestly I thought the way I wrote this poem was confusing. I changed it around so that it makes more sense (I hope) and the 'Mother of pearl' is a play on words - the color, and my mother. I was thinking about her home in Montana and wishing that she could have stayed and lived out her days there, in her little house that is actually not far from the bridge in the photo. It's not my photo, but I know the location exactly.
I do appreciate the six star review!!
Carol
Comment from royowen
I think the pivot was probably in the last line, leading from the fourth, but I just appreciate good poetry Carol with a a great message, using words to sculpt the theme. Well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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I think the pivot was probably in the last line, leading from the fourth, but I just appreciate good poetry Carol with a a great message, using words to sculpt the theme. Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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It wasn't much of a tanka, oh well. I added some lines and decided to just call it free verse. I tried to just call it a poem, but Fanstory objected - wouldn't let me do it!
thanks, as always, Roy :))
Carol
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Hah hah, I'll let you call it a poem. Well done, not an easy form
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Right??? It's a POEM :)))
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Of course it is Carol.
Comment from mermaids
Feelings and emotion comes through your tanka form. The picture fits your poem and captures the beauty of winter and winter is beautiful. "Mother of pearl" is a fitting last line.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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Feelings and emotion comes through your tanka form. The picture fits your poem and captures the beauty of winter and winter is beautiful. "Mother of pearl" is a fitting last line.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much!
Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
Well anyone who knows your background will know what this rather lovely, sad little thing is all about, and the Capital M on 'Mother' personalises it beautifully. How is she doing these days anyway?
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Well anyone who knows your background will know what this rather lovely, sad little thing is all about, and the Capital M on 'Mother' personalises it beautifully. How is she doing these days anyway?
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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My mom has been doing now that she's on antidepressants - they have helped amazingly. She is much more talkative and relaxed than she was - sadly her conversation is baffling and it's hard to figure out what she wants to say. She is the reason I have been feeling so - can't think of the word. Sort of agonized about Montana, and writing about it a lot - even when it's not about her. I wish she'd never had to move away from there :(((
Carol
P.S. I changed it just now, if you can stand to have another look...
Comment from Kelly Grim
This is an absolutely stunning poem! Your third line and "chilled air sinking" is wonderful and the fourth line and "shades of grey" is perfect! This is such a haunting, beautiful poem. I'm intrigued and stimulated... and just really liking this poem!
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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This is an absolutely stunning poem! Your third line and "chilled air sinking" is wonderful and the fourth line and "shades of grey" is perfect! This is such a haunting, beautiful poem. I'm intrigued and stimulated... and just really liking this poem!
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much, I realized yesterday that it's not really a tanka so I added some lines and just call it free verse now. I do appreciate your feedback!
Carol
Comment from Y. M. Roger
This is one of those writes that leaves the reader chilly but content...an odd combination for this Southern girl, but you have done a great job with visuals and emotions in such a short format! :) :) Thanx for that little gift this morning, Carol, and have a wonderful day! :)
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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This is one of those writes that leaves the reader chilly but content...an odd combination for this Southern girl, but you have done a great job with visuals and emotions in such a short format! :) :) Thanx for that little gift this morning, Carol, and have a wonderful day! :)
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Yvette - I do miss my home in Montana, and this poem is about wishing my mom could have stayed there for the rest of her life.
Carol
Comment from RodG
You capture the essence of this photo wonderfully in this tanka while also telling a story that leaves much to the reader's imagination. The image of the fog forming is absolutely perfect. But I think using "forms" twice weakens the overall effect you are striving for. Rod
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2018
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You capture the essence of this photo wonderfully in this tanka while also telling a story that leaves much to the reader's imagination. The image of the fog forming is absolutely perfect. But I think using "forms" twice weakens the overall effect you are striving for. Rod
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2018
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Oh ugh, yes! Forms twice is no good, I?ll change that. Thank you!
Carol
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?Melts? works beautifully here. A really terrific tanka. Rod
