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Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Shades of grey in Missoula"Free verse poems
29 total reviews
Comment from Tina Crute
Wow...very touching poem. You start by describing ordinary days in an ordinary town before the crime happens. After the rape, you mention the white icy roads and east wind, This says to me that this "season" of life was viciously cold and will last awhile. Very moving. I like how the wintry words are interwoven through the whole poem. At the end, she welcomes a hot wind. Aah...the imagery. Great work!
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Wow...very touching poem. You start by describing ordinary days in an ordinary town before the crime happens. After the rape, you mention the white icy roads and east wind, This says to me that this "season" of life was viciously cold and will last awhile. Very moving. I like how the wintry words are interwoven through the whole poem. At the end, she welcomes a hot wind. Aah...the imagery. Great work!
Comment Written 08-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked the weather references. The weather in Montana is at times ferocious and it felt like a good way to punctuate the poem :))
Carol
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
What a hauntingly beautiful tribute to all those girls who suffered this fate. You did a wonderful job at describing the scene of youthfulness and the surrounding landscape of the area. This is a very worthwhile message to share.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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What a hauntingly beautiful tribute to all those girls who suffered this fate. You did a wonderful job at describing the scene of youthfulness and the surrounding landscape of the area. This is a very worthwhile message to share.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Thank you Cindy for this great review and all the stars! Much appreciated :))
Carol
Comment from CD Richards
This is an extremely well penned and impactful piece of free verse, Carol.
Somewhat appropriate timing, given the events of the past week as well.
I detected just one tiny glitch:
All trace of childhood die then,
[should be either 'All traces of childhood die', or 'all trace of childhood dies']
It is mystifying to most of the male population why anyone would treat another human this way, and yet, it happens so sickeningly often.
Well done on creating this powerful piece.
Craig
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
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This is an extremely well penned and impactful piece of free verse, Carol.
Somewhat appropriate timing, given the events of the past week as well.
I detected just one tiny glitch:
All trace of childhood die then,
[should be either 'All traces of childhood die', or 'all trace of childhood dies']
It is mystifying to most of the male population why anyone would treat another human this way, and yet, it happens so sickeningly often.
Well done on creating this powerful piece.
Craig
Comment Written 07-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
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I guess the timing is everything, and I happened to think about that neighborhood around the university where we all knew it wasn't safe to walk, and apparently the parties in the frat houses weren't safe either. I didn't go to them, I didn't care for that crowd at all - still don't!
Thanks so much, Craig,
Carol
Comment from BeasPeas
Good scene setting in this well described poem. When there's alcohol flowing, hormones ping-ponging, and kids are on their own away from home they take chances. I think it's the same everywhere--not just in Missoula.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Good scene setting in this well described poem. When there's alcohol flowing, hormones ping-ponging, and kids are on their own away from home they take chances. I think it's the same everywhere--not just in Missoula.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Oh, I know, it happens everywhere, it is very common. Thanks, Marilyn,
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
You captured the scenes like vivid paintings and told a sad story so adeptly, it had to be true. I will note just one memorable image: "icy clouds of breath". Thank you for your notes of additional context. I am sorry your hometown shares the sordid events of many college towns. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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You captured the scenes like vivid paintings and told a sad story so adeptly, it had to be true. I will note just one memorable image: "icy clouds of breath". Thank you for your notes of additional context. I am sorry your hometown shares the sordid events of many college towns. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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College towns are dangerous, I'm glad to have made it through my younger years in Missoula. I never went to parties at frat houses, I hung out with the hippies and they were a tamer bunch - thank goodness.
Thanks, Joan. I read this at the Malibu Library this morning for Ricardo's Caffeinated Verse :))
Carol
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I am pleased your read this timely poem at the Caffeinated Verse meeting--"I'm just sorry I wasn't there to shout big kudos. Have a peaceful Sunday- Joan
Comment from mermaids
Your poem gives me chills and I feel for this girls and all the girls who suffer through rape and the emotions afterwards. Your poem tells a strong story and reads like a mini movie. I commend writing this poem and giving these ladies a voice.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Your poem gives me chills and I feel for this girls and all the girls who suffer through rape and the emotions afterwards. Your poem tells a strong story and reads like a mini movie. I commend writing this poem and giving these ladies a voice.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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It's emotional to write these things - but with everything going on in our country today, it feels like the same story keeps happening all over our country, over and over again.
Carol
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Just wow. Don't really know where to start with this review -- I read this earlier and had to walk away and let it sit on my mind and on my heart for a while before I 'picked up the keyboard' again. You know I love your style, but you have taken an event that occurs more than even most parents would like to think and truly put it into a 'readable' piece...your blending of the weather and the stage you have set is done so seamlessly that the reader really does not know what they are in for until they are too deep to look away. The maple leaves turning scarlet -- the pinking of their cheeks.....the leaves covering the sidewalks -- the makeup covering the faces.....the wind howls outside (but is shut out by the house) -- she screams in the room (but it is shut out by the door).....snow fall is blemished/bruised by the cars -- she is blemished/bruised by the attack.... I could go on, but just know that this has earned these six stars and even more especially because you have made it very clear that her future is not over and she still has the strength to stand against the wind, against it all, and heal to move on.
I would suggest changing "trace of childhood" to 'traces of childhood' for a grammar fix.
Thank you so very much for sharing this with everyone and may you have a wonderful weekend! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Just wow. Don't really know where to start with this review -- I read this earlier and had to walk away and let it sit on my mind and on my heart for a while before I 'picked up the keyboard' again. You know I love your style, but you have taken an event that occurs more than even most parents would like to think and truly put it into a 'readable' piece...your blending of the weather and the stage you have set is done so seamlessly that the reader really does not know what they are in for until they are too deep to look away. The maple leaves turning scarlet -- the pinking of their cheeks.....the leaves covering the sidewalks -- the makeup covering the faces.....the wind howls outside (but is shut out by the house) -- she screams in the room (but it is shut out by the door).....snow fall is blemished/bruised by the cars -- she is blemished/bruised by the attack.... I could go on, but just know that this has earned these six stars and even more especially because you have made it very clear that her future is not over and she still has the strength to stand against the wind, against it all, and heal to move on.
I would suggest changing "trace of childhood" to 'traces of childhood' for a grammar fix.
Thank you so very much for sharing this with everyone and may you have a wonderful weekend! :) Yvette
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Oh, thank you for noticing the grammar error! Lol, that's what I get with last-minute changes. I took this to an open mic poetry reading in Malibu, and Jim (Pantygynt) was helping me with a few things.
I am so happy that you noticed the colors, the weather that accompanied winter advancing and sort of punctuated the events in the poem.
Thank you so much for this amazing review and the stars - you made my day with this :))
Carol
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Carol,
Thank you for sharing this free-verse poetry which exposes a culture present on most college campuses. Too many people do not want to believe it happens, AND worse, some folks believe you shouldn't be held responsible for the acts of a child, high on whatever, and let loose for the first time in their lives.
I wonder how many of those girls ever reported the rapes,
~MP~
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Hi, Carol,
Thank you for sharing this free-verse poetry which exposes a culture present on most college campuses. Too many people do not want to believe it happens, AND worse, some folks believe you shouldn't be held responsible for the acts of a child, high on whatever, and let loose for the first time in their lives.
I wonder how many of those girls ever reported the rapes,
~MP~
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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I am sure there are many who never reported it and I can't blame them, so often they are not believed and they get called all kinds of nasty things.
Thanks, Patty,
Carol
Comment from catch22
Wow Poet, this is a gritty write on a painful and all too common scene for young women today. Unfortunately , there still is a stigma against reporting attacks for victims, which is why the crimes go under reported. The imagery of innocence lost actually occurred after the actual rape, when the victim starts to doubt her own worth because she fears no one will believe her. It is a tragic situation and one that needs to be considered fairly and delicately as you have done here. Timely and insightful write.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Wow Poet, this is a gritty write on a painful and all too common scene for young women today. Unfortunately , there still is a stigma against reporting attacks for victims, which is why the crimes go under reported. The imagery of innocence lost actually occurred after the actual rape, when the victim starts to doubt her own worth because she fears no one will believe her. It is a tragic situation and one that needs to be considered fairly and delicately as you have done here. Timely and insightful write.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Even with brutal "stranger" rapes, the details are taken down, exams given, then the rape kits sit unopened for years and years. What's the point? It is timely isn't it...I guess this whole thing has been on my mind, along with many others in the U.S. - today more than ever.
Carol
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Great job on this, Carol. You told the story well and I enjoyed it very much. I guess free verse is growing on me.
I always look forward to that first thaw. A time of renewal. An awakening. Sorry I don't have a six for this one. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Great job on this, Carol. You told the story well and I enjoyed it very much. I guess free verse is growing on me.
I always look forward to that first thaw. A time of renewal. An awakening. Sorry I don't have a six for this one. Nancy:)
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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Thanks so much, Nancy. Those Chinooks are pretty amazing, we didn't have them in Missoula - we were on the wrong side of the divide.
Carol
