Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Shades of grey in Missoula"Free verse poems
29 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
Superb poem, Carol. I much enjoy the opening portending Hell's Gate which is also of course in reality the name of the place. Yes attacks at universities happen with alarming frequency and it's sad that sexual assault is not taken seriously and the victim is frequently blamed for being in the wrong place by their own volition. Which of course does lead to the obvious question: were the choir boys assaulted by their priest in their own church also in the wrong place?
Exceptionally accurate straight through and a fine free verse. It's time we got honest about these assaults.
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
  |
Superb poem, Carol. I much enjoy the opening portending Hell's Gate which is also of course in reality the name of the place. Yes attacks at universities happen with alarming frequency and it's sad that sexual assault is not taken seriously and the victim is frequently blamed for being in the wrong place by their own volition. Which of course does lead to the obvious question: were the choir boys assaulted by their priest in their own church also in the wrong place?
Exceptionally accurate straight through and a fine free verse. It's time we got honest about these assaults.
Gloria
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
-
Thank you for noticing that opening line. I went to Rattlesnake Grade School and Hellgate High School - the names are picturesque but the problems are the same everywhere. I am so sick of victim blaming - it is insane, but of course it's integral to our society :((
Hellgate Canyon was so named because when Lewis and Clark first went through it, the place was littered with bones because it was a place the local Indians used to ambush other tribes.
Carol
Comment from royowen
This violation is the worst form of robbery one or several people can inflict on another person Carol. Child abuse, and violence against women are also rife. Well done, wonderfully written and deftly crafted. Vivid imagery, it's not something that one can erase easily, well done Carol, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
|
This violation is the worst form of robbery one or several people can inflict on another person Carol. Child abuse, and violence against women are also rife. Well done, wonderfully written and deftly crafted. Vivid imagery, it's not something that one can erase easily, well done Carol, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2018
-
Thanks, Roy, I agree with you that it's a heinous form of robbery - such an ugly crime, as is any crime against someone or something helpless. Thank you so much for this review,
Carol
-
My pleasure
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, this is a profound and beautifully written free style poem with such a sad theme at its heart. One night, one rape, and a life is ruined. Missoula sounds like a cold place in more than one way. It also comes across as being very beautiful. I really liked your poem with a story told within. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
|
Hi Carol, this is a profound and beautifully written free style poem with such a sad theme at its heart. One night, one rape, and a life is ruined. Missoula sounds like a cold place in more than one way. It also comes across as being very beautiful. I really liked your poem with a story told within. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
It's a typical college town, and except for that period of time when many rapes were reported, it didn't happen more than other places. It certainly doesn't have higher standards...it is indeed a cold and beautiful place. Remembering some of the things I did as a teenager, I'm lucky I didn't end up like these girls. I went to bars more at age 16 than I ever have since! Including one dive biker bar - ugh!
Carol
-
Sounds a bit like me at the same age. Sometimes I think I was lucky to survive it unscathed. I loved your poem!
Comment from meeshu
This is a very fine piece of writing. It has a wonderful cadence and pace. Excellent verse and verbiage. Well done, Carol. a tragic story that gets played over and again everywhere. I don't know to fix it. I wish you well in all your future endeavors.......................meeshu
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
|
This is a very fine piece of writing. It has a wonderful cadence and pace. Excellent verse and verbiage. Well done, Carol. a tragic story that gets played over and again everywhere. I don't know to fix it. I wish you well in all your future endeavors.......................meeshu
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
I don't know either, I have no influence on the people who decide these things. Thanks, Meeshu,
Carol
Comment from Rickie1
Wonderful natural descriptions and details. Terrible event and the dramatic impact on a young persons life. Seems quite apropos. It's more a story than poem but that's OK you write very well.
Rickie
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
|
Wonderful natural descriptions and details. Terrible event and the dramatic impact on a young persons life. Seems quite apropos. It's more a story than poem but that's OK you write very well.
Rickie
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
I've been reading a lot of Richard Hugo, and he tends to write like this. For example:
These dirt mounds make the dead seem fat.
Crude walls of rock that hold the dirt
when rain rides wild, were placed with skill
or luck. No crucifix can make
the drab boards of this chapel Catholic.
Anyway, I thank you for this review and your comments, much appreciated,
Carol
Comment from lyenochka
You have to be a hearty soul to live in Missoula. I always thought the climate tough to live in. The seasonal changes in the poem foreshadow the horrific event couched in an otherwise regular college campus setting. This is very timely considering all the nation's discussions these past few weeks.
"it's blustering caress ease " (its)
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
|
You have to be a hearty soul to live in Missoula. I always thought the climate tough to live in. The seasonal changes in the poem foreshadow the horrific event couched in an otherwise regular college campus setting. This is very timely considering all the nation's discussions these past few weeks.
"it's blustering caress ease " (its)
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
You know that word "its" is my Achilles heel, for the life of me I can't remember to leave off the apostrophe. Have you been to Missoula? I remember the last winter I spent there is was below zero for weeks on end, cloudy and foggy, and just so cold. There was a blizzard that shut down everything for a day or two, I had to leave my bike chained up at school and walk home in the storm. I have lots of nostalgia for the place but if I ever moved back, those winters would get to me!
Carol
-
No, I never been but my husband briefly worked on a ranch in a tiny town in MT straight out of high school and the winter was brutal.
I can totally understand the issue with the possessive (its) because most other possesives does use the apostrophe. However, it's helpful to just re-read the 'it's' as 'it is' and if it doesn't make sense, then it should be 'its.'
Comment from Air Spirit
An EXCELLENT commentary.. so very powerful, pertinent and particularly apropos in today's toxic sexually perverted environment... I love the way you begin by just describing the visual environment of Montana, Missoula in particular.. My brother has lived in MT for about 30 years, and previously lived in Missoula, so I know it well... towards the beginning of your story, it is filled with lovely imagery "...Imported maples are riots of gold and scarlet,
leaves floating earthward in soft helices,
carpeting streets in short-lived grace..." and "...The river pours between canyon walls
in smooth green furls, then meanders
westward through the sleepy city..." but then, you shift and go into a more inward and insightful look into what is going on in front of you, as well as around all of us... "...The wind howls as a storm blows in.
Nobody sees when she's pushed into a room
behind a roughly closed door.
She screams for help but might as well have
stayed quiet for all the good it does.
All traces of childhood end abruptly..."
This is a summary of the horrific travesty that is taking place within our society, as it continues to demean, belittle, question, dismiss and ignore women's pleas and need for EQUAL PROTECTION and EQUAL RIGHTS -- do we think for ONE moment, that IF Christine Blase-Ford was OUR DAUGHTER, and we were on the Senate, that we would vote for Kavanaugh to be S.C. Judge? Of course not! But, they are willing to vote for him because it isn't their daughter... so they don't have to worry about it... just as long as 'they protect their own' -- and to hell with anyone outside that perimeter. And what about how he handled himself? Does anyone really think he was of Supreme Court Caliber? Yelling, interrupting, crying, snorting, chastising not only an entire political party, but a entire chunk of our people... sick... sick... sick... I'm sorry, but YOU started this conversation!! :) Excellent and powerful write.. thank you for voicing this!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
|
An EXCELLENT commentary.. so very powerful, pertinent and particularly apropos in today's toxic sexually perverted environment... I love the way you begin by just describing the visual environment of Montana, Missoula in particular.. My brother has lived in MT for about 30 years, and previously lived in Missoula, so I know it well... towards the beginning of your story, it is filled with lovely imagery "...Imported maples are riots of gold and scarlet,
leaves floating earthward in soft helices,
carpeting streets in short-lived grace..." and "...The river pours between canyon walls
in smooth green furls, then meanders
westward through the sleepy city..." but then, you shift and go into a more inward and insightful look into what is going on in front of you, as well as around all of us... "...The wind howls as a storm blows in.
Nobody sees when she's pushed into a room
behind a roughly closed door.
She screams for help but might as well have
stayed quiet for all the good it does.
All traces of childhood end abruptly..."
This is a summary of the horrific travesty that is taking place within our society, as it continues to demean, belittle, question, dismiss and ignore women's pleas and need for EQUAL PROTECTION and EQUAL RIGHTS -- do we think for ONE moment, that IF Christine Blase-Ford was OUR DAUGHTER, and we were on the Senate, that we would vote for Kavanaugh to be S.C. Judge? Of course not! But, they are willing to vote for him because it isn't their daughter... so they don't have to worry about it... just as long as 'they protect their own' -- and to hell with anyone outside that perimeter. And what about how he handled himself? Does anyone really think he was of Supreme Court Caliber? Yelling, interrupting, crying, snorting, chastising not only an entire political party, but a entire chunk of our people... sick... sick... sick... I'm sorry, but YOU started this conversation!! :) Excellent and powerful write.. thank you for voicing this!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
I did start it, and I agree with you 100 percent - BK is so NOT supreme court material, and I've always hated frat boys. Except my brother, lol, but he wasn't in the frat very long. When I went to Highschool, at Hellgate which is near the University, we all knew not to walk around in the evening or after dark - one girl I knew was grabbed by a creep trying to go home in the evening. It's a very ugly truth in a city that is so beautiful. I LOVE it there and miss it terribly, but I can't pretend it is some kind of Eden. I think what strikes me about many things is the juxtaposition of beauty and peace and things that are truly terrible. This particular poem is apropos in the light of recent goings on, as you mentioned. How sickening is the sense of outrage that we've seen when someone questions Kavanaugh's ability to be a decent SC judge? The sense of entitlement makes me want to throw up - the same that these horrible football players have. It is disgusting. You may have heard of the book "Missoula" by Jon Kraukauer. Many people in town were incensed when the book came out, but why not pay attention when our young women are being attacked? Why not right a few of these wrongs?
Thank you, Air Spirit, I appreciate this review :))
Carol
Comment from barkingdog
You built this account to it's creschedo and then let it down slowly into the safety of home. A young girl, eager to learn and be part of life is forever changed by the rape. It steals her ability to be with people. She retreats. Possibly forever ' where nothing
ever happens but cows stamping hooves;
puffing icy clouds of breath
into the wide-open, white sky.'
So sad, but true. Timely with today's events. And still no one listens. I've lost all faith in the Senate, especially the women who voted yes today.
When will the victims be victors? Men are NOT the victims. How dare they turn this around?
You are a brilliant writer, Carol. Thank you for the additional enlightening notes, too.
I knew that I was saving a six for something very special. It's yours now.
:) e
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
 |
You built this account to it's creschedo and then let it down slowly into the safety of home. A young girl, eager to learn and be part of life is forever changed by the rape. It steals her ability to be with people. She retreats. Possibly forever ' where nothing
ever happens but cows stamping hooves;
puffing icy clouds of breath
into the wide-open, white sky.'
So sad, but true. Timely with today's events. And still no one listens. I've lost all faith in the Senate, especially the women who voted yes today.
When will the victims be victors? Men are NOT the victims. How dare they turn this around?
You are a brilliant writer, Carol. Thank you for the additional enlightening notes, too.
I knew that I was saving a six for something very special. It's yours now.
:) e
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
Hi Ellen,
Thank you so much, my friend :))
I don't have much faith left either. I just have to remind myself, that there are good people around who do care in spite of the hordes of women who are all too willing to heap insult on rape victims. Men are certainly not victims. BK is anything but a victim! Self-serving, entitled, yes. I could go on an on.
Hugs,
Carol
-
Today is a very angry day. I can barely believe the vote. There are other nominees, but we know 'why him?'. It all has to do with the investigation into Trump. K will pardon T no matter what the crime. I fear our country is broken if the Supreme Court is.
Comment from trailblazer101
I've been to Missoula and fished there. I saw that university and my best fly fishing friend graduated there. I was really enjoying your descriptions until this shocker
Nobody sees when she's pushed into a room
behind a roughly closed door.
She screams for help but might as well have
stayed quiet for all the good it does.
All traces of childhood end abruptly.
She emerges sobbing, still drunk, aching, bereft
and alone in the litter of bodies.
I think the mee-to rage is long overdue and righteous rage appropriate.
My opening novel was about a girl who was raped at age 9 and a second and third time later as she went through her teen years. The entire book chronicles what it did to her and her arrested development and later arrest and trial.
I thought was well written and a classic with your descriptions, settings, and diction.
I gave it a very rare 6 (people complain I'm tight with my stars)
You deserve this one.
I write under the pen name Sean Mark Trail and appreciate things like you just created
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
|
I've been to Missoula and fished there. I saw that university and my best fly fishing friend graduated there. I was really enjoying your descriptions until this shocker
Nobody sees when she's pushed into a room
behind a roughly closed door.
She screams for help but might as well have
stayed quiet for all the good it does.
All traces of childhood end abruptly.
She emerges sobbing, still drunk, aching, bereft
and alone in the litter of bodies.
I think the mee-to rage is long overdue and righteous rage appropriate.
My opening novel was about a girl who was raped at age 9 and a second and third time later as she went through her teen years. The entire book chronicles what it did to her and her arrested development and later arrest and trial.
I thought was well written and a classic with your descriptions, settings, and diction.
I gave it a very rare 6 (people complain I'm tight with my stars)
You deserve this one.
I write under the pen name Sean Mark Trail and appreciate things like you just created
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2018
-
Hi, how neat that you have been to Missoula. I love my hometown, and the State of Montana, but I can't pretend that everything happening there is wonderful. I almost stopped writing it because I didn't want to describe a rape, but I guess I didn't really have to. I am fortunate that this kind of thing has never happened to me, but it doesn't stop me from feeling the pain from those who have been through it. I am pleased to know you and plan on checking out your profile - thank you so much!!
Carol
-
Glad to know that I'm not the only one with problems describing a rape. I alluded to it as best I could in the novel when the girl was on trial for her own serious crimes that no doubt stemmed from her earlier r=treatment and lack of worth.
I actually love Montana and have been there often
when on book tour but just not in the last few years. It has such a variety of terrain from near outright desert to majestic mountains. What's not to love! All the best with your writing efforts. You're good.
