Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 104 "Chapter Einunddreissig part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
17 total reviews
Comment from SLMorrical
I like this chapter. Your writing has me wanting to see what is next. The flow between chapters is great. I like the picture. I also like s'mores. You are a wonderful writer and I can learn from you. Well done again.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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I like this chapter. Your writing has me wanting to see what is next. The flow between chapters is great. I like the picture. I also like s'mores. You are a wonderful writer and I can learn from you. Well done again.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara, (4)
Funny thing. These nice, peaceful posts/chapters always make me nervous... make me think there's something BIG (and maybe BAD?) just around the corner. YIKES.
Your storyline continues to please and tease, as always, and I can't imagine what's on the horizon for these folks.
I do have to admit, though, this was a weird chapter for me. I am not used to seeing nits from you and this made me think you may have been in a bit of a rush to post this one? Very odd. On the other hand, you may not agree with a single one of my comments, which would explain everything. hahaha
Some notes, if I may?
1.) "I feel like I'm being ganged up." Anderson released a deep breath
--> just checking - we would say 'being ganged up ON' - consider:
-->"Are you two ganging up on me?" Anderson released a deep breath
2.) "We were married exactly two years," he paused while he did the math, "eight months and twelve days."
--> "We were married exactly two years," he said, then paused for some math. "Two years, eight months and twelve days."
3.) While in rehab this time, she continued using, and I filed for divorce."
--> While in rehab the third time, she continued using, and I filed for divorce."
4.) times we had to get her and bring her home from all sorts of ...."
--> times we had to (go find her) and bring her home from all sorts of ...."
--> otherwise, where were they going to 'get her'?
5.) "All total, I think we live as a married couple eight total months.
--> "All total, I think we live(d) as a married couple eight months
--> delete that repeated 'total'
6.) Philip and Jane have had the pediatrician check her and he recommended a counselor.
--> check her for what? Sounds ominous
7.) No child should be subject(ed) to that.
8.) don't have any feelings for her. I tried, but she wanted a different (lifestyle).
9.) moment before he added kindling. "Any ideas what she's up (to)?"
I hope perhaps this may help some. Please holler at me if you edit. Thanks and have a spectacular week! Happy Thanksgiving!
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Barbara, (4)
Funny thing. These nice, peaceful posts/chapters always make me nervous... make me think there's something BIG (and maybe BAD?) just around the corner. YIKES.
Your storyline continues to please and tease, as always, and I can't imagine what's on the horizon for these folks.
I do have to admit, though, this was a weird chapter for me. I am not used to seeing nits from you and this made me think you may have been in a bit of a rush to post this one? Very odd. On the other hand, you may not agree with a single one of my comments, which would explain everything. hahaha
Some notes, if I may?
1.) "I feel like I'm being ganged up." Anderson released a deep breath
--> just checking - we would say 'being ganged up ON' - consider:
-->"Are you two ganging up on me?" Anderson released a deep breath
2.) "We were married exactly two years," he paused while he did the math, "eight months and twelve days."
--> "We were married exactly two years," he said, then paused for some math. "Two years, eight months and twelve days."
3.) While in rehab this time, she continued using, and I filed for divorce."
--> While in rehab the third time, she continued using, and I filed for divorce."
4.) times we had to get her and bring her home from all sorts of ...."
--> times we had to (go find her) and bring her home from all sorts of ...."
--> otherwise, where were they going to 'get her'?
5.) "All total, I think we live as a married couple eight total months.
--> "All total, I think we live(d) as a married couple eight months
--> delete that repeated 'total'
6.) Philip and Jane have had the pediatrician check her and he recommended a counselor.
--> check her for what? Sounds ominous
7.) No child should be subject(ed) to that.
8.) don't have any feelings for her. I tried, but she wanted a different (lifestyle).
9.) moment before he added kindling. "Any ideas what she's up (to)?"
I hope perhaps this may help some. Please holler at me if you edit. Thanks and have a spectacular week! Happy Thanksgiving!
Comment Written 19-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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I have made the corrections. Some I had previously made. I guess I forgot to save. DARN!!! I hope I got them all. Thank you.
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I HATE when that happens. OR when I write a lengthy review and then lose the whole thing. grrrr?
I have already updated. Thanks so much!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Some fill in background detailing here for everyone.
All total, I think we live as a married couple eight total months - lived?
she wanted a different life style - lifestyle could be a single word here.
before he added kindling. "Any ideas what she's up too?"- just to here.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Hi Barbara,
Some fill in background detailing here for everyone.
All total, I think we live as a married couple eight total months - lived?
she wanted a different life style - lifestyle could be a single word here.
before he added kindling. "Any ideas what she's up too?"- just to here.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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I have made the corrections. Thank you.
Comment from apky
Apart from the small mistakes I point at below, this is an excellent continuation of the story. Talking about his marriage to Patricia is a great way of showing how Drew and Shana get closer. You did an fabulous job here.
All total, I think we live(d) as a married couple eight total months.
No child should be subject to that. ~ No child should be SUBJECTED to that. To be "subject to" means being the topic of conversation, for example. So I'm not sure what you mean, but assumed you meant the "being made to go through" that.
but she wanted a different life style(lifestyle - one word).
Shana walked over to the outside, stone fire place. ~ the comma should go, shouldn't it?
"But first(,) pretty lady, I have a surprise for you."
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Apart from the small mistakes I point at below, this is an excellent continuation of the story. Talking about his marriage to Patricia is a great way of showing how Drew and Shana get closer. You did an fabulous job here.
All total, I think we live(d) as a married couple eight total months.
No child should be subject to that. ~ No child should be SUBJECTED to that. To be "subject to" means being the topic of conversation, for example. So I'm not sure what you mean, but assumed you meant the "being made to go through" that.
but she wanted a different life style(lifestyle - one word).
Shana walked over to the outside, stone fire place. ~ the comma should go, shouldn't it?
"But first(,) pretty lady, I have a surprise for you."
Comment Written 19-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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I was wondering about that first comma myself. I thought maybe because it's part of a list. I have taken it out. Thank you.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. I liked how Shana asked Anderson questions about his ex wife's (Patricia) death and how it affected him. Gave me a bit more information regarding Anderson's background. Per usual the dialogue and interaction between characters were and well thought out. Enjoyed the banter between Anderson and Shana over food. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. I liked how Shana asked Anderson questions about his ex wife's (Patricia) death and how it affected him. Gave me a bit more information regarding Anderson's background. Per usual the dialogue and interaction between characters were and well thought out. Enjoyed the banter between Anderson and Shana over food. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 19-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Surprise? What could it be. It will keep them from swimming, but is it worth it (asks Drew, who was looking forward to staring at Shana in a bathing suit. But knowing her, she'd probably wear her grandmother's suit anyway, so as to give him no ideas. LOL
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Surprise? What could it be. It will keep them from swimming, but is it worth it (asks Drew, who was looking forward to staring at Shana in a bathing suit. But knowing her, she'd probably wear her grandmother's suit anyway, so as to give him no ideas. LOL
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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I was planning to write it today. I only have one doctor appointment. Good news is that staying away from the computer is helping my legs. The swelling is less, probably also helped by the leg exercises I've been doing. It's encouraging, but I'm bored without my computer.
Comment from Ben Colder
As a boy if anyone said Marijuana we thought they may be talking about a town in Mexico. Over the years I have watched our people be destroyed by drugs. I hope this has no effect on Shanna
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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As a boy if anyone said Marijuana we thought they may be talking about a town in Mexico. Over the years I have watched our people be destroyed by drugs. I hope this has no effect on Shanna
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, Yeah, I can see it is the calm before the storm. But at least they are enjoying themselves why it lasts. A few suggestions:
"I made mess, I'll clean it.= "I made a mess, I'll clean it
I had believed her lies." =I believed her lies."
Looking forward to what's next.
All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
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Hi Barbara, Yeah, I can see it is the calm before the storm. But at least they are enjoying themselves why it lasts. A few suggestions:
"I made mess, I'll clean it.= "I made a mess, I'll clean it
I had believed her lies." =I believed her lies."
Looking forward to what's next.
All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
Comment from judiverse
Memo to Jeff: Do not call Shana "Little Lady." Maybe she's cool with it, but I think it sounds condescending. Drew doesn't have much emotion to display when it comes to his ex-wife's death. Maybe he just gave up on her. If she was a drug addict, that would explain her need for money. Not more trouble from the Russian Mafia! Those dogs sure know when to make an entrance. They make the most of it. Wonder what surprise Zack has for Shana? Great chapter. Shana's cooking wins her some fans. Excellent work with the dialogue. judi
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
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Memo to Jeff: Do not call Shana "Little Lady." Maybe she's cool with it, but I think it sounds condescending. Drew doesn't have much emotion to display when it comes to his ex-wife's death. Maybe he just gave up on her. If she was a drug addict, that would explain her need for money. Not more trouble from the Russian Mafia! Those dogs sure know when to make an entrance. They make the most of it. Wonder what surprise Zack has for Shana? Great chapter. Shana's cooking wins her some fans. Excellent work with the dialogue. judi
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
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Patricia got her drugs from the Mafia and that was the hold they had over her to try to kill Shana.Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. Love the story. judi
Comment from c_lucas
I guess tonight's dessert will be Shana in a bathing suit. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
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I guess tonight's dessert will be Shana in a bathing suit. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
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I doubt that very much. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome.
