Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Burnt Offerings"Free verse poems
28 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This gives strong images of the California wildfires and mudslides that change nature and human lives. I like that you include the animals in this too. Also the inference to finding the strength to rebuild and live again after such devastation.
Good luck at open midke night.
Happy Holidays.
Joan
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
  |
This gives strong images of the California wildfires and mudslides that change nature and human lives. I like that you include the animals in this too. Also the inference to finding the strength to rebuild and live again after such devastation.
Good luck at open midke night.
Happy Holidays.
Joan
Comment Written 10-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
-
Thank you so much, we are still healing as a community. I do think of the wildlife often, and it is still a worry. They are probably more resilient than we are though.
Carol
-
You are very welcome, Carol.
Joan
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a very powerful and very emotional poem, and for me, the change of line length only adds to the dramatic feel.
I've lost the ability to breathe deeply;
my guts are leaden and loss sits heavy on my chest.
Rainfall is a throng of gods sobbing and mist
shrouds the dead landscape like misery.
my favourite verse in a great poem.
cheers
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
|
This is a very powerful and very emotional poem, and for me, the change of line length only adds to the dramatic feel.
I've lost the ability to breathe deeply;
my guts are leaden and loss sits heavy on my chest.
Rainfall is a throng of gods sobbing and mist
shrouds the dead landscape like misery.
my favourite verse in a great poem.
cheers
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
-
THank you so much!
Carol
Comment from kiwisteveh
Carol, this is a wonderful piece and I hope it was well-received at your open mic reading.
I love the mingling of the wild fires and other tragedies, so that the margins at times become blurred. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the terrible things that fill the news.
Congrats on having this selected for Poem of the Month.
Steve
PS empheral?? Should it be 'ephemeral'?
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
|
Carol, this is a wonderful piece and I hope it was well-received at your open mic reading.
I love the mingling of the wild fires and other tragedies, so that the margins at times become blurred. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the terrible things that fill the news.
Congrats on having this selected for Poem of the Month.
Steve
PS empheral?? Should it be 'ephemeral'?
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
-
Hi Steve, thanks I did change the spelling, not sure how that got through the first time. I am hoping that my poem gets selected for a reading the local poets laureate are putting together called "Fire and Mud". We have had these fires and mudslides before, unfortunately.
Carol
Comment from mermaids
Your words capture clearly the impact of the fires on people and animals. You have a vivid use of words that impacts the reader. "Rabbits are huddled on city streets" is a powerful line that adds strength to your poem.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
 |
Your words capture clearly the impact of the fires on people and animals. You have a vivid use of words that impacts the reader. "Rabbits are huddled on city streets" is a powerful line that adds strength to your poem.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
-
Hi, thank you, the line about the rabbits is true - they really did that. Thanks for readingmy poem.
Carol
Comment from Chrissy710
Oh Carol ,well done what a terrific poem and needs no editing read it as written. Your words are raw and honest written with passion and sadness of the events you describe . this really got to me in the way you poured your thoughts onto paper Don't change anything it is a definite winner Good luck with the open mike reading Cjeers Christne A well deserved 6 Cheers Christne
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
|
Oh Carol ,well done what a terrific poem and needs no editing read it as written. Your words are raw and honest written with passion and sadness of the events you describe . this really got to me in the way you poured your thoughts onto paper Don't change anything it is a definite winner Good luck with the open mike reading Cjeers Christne A well deserved 6 Cheers Christne
Comment Written 02-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
-
Thank you so much, Christine, it did go well at the open mic,
Carol
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is a 6 if I've ever read one! This heart-wrenching piece, in both
literal and highly creative figures of speech, describes the horrendous
loss brought on the earth by mankind and nature.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
|
This is a 6 if I've ever read one! This heart-wrenching piece, in both
literal and highly creative figures of speech, describes the horrendous
loss brought on the earth by mankind and nature.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
-
Thank you for reading and for your understanding - much appreciated,
Carol
Comment from BeasPeas
First of all, this is a powerful poem, Carol. Good luck at the poetry ready which is probably today. The image to your poem and the piece itself are stunning. Chosen words are strung together in a most effective way. Two types of devastation are brought to the reader here--fire, loss of property and the devastation of humans and animals. Having lived in California through a town evacuation I know what this is like. I hope you're alright. The second are the man-made tragedies created by unstable minds. These two timely grief-causing topics seem to have no answers. Marilyn
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
|
First of all, this is a powerful poem, Carol. Good luck at the poetry ready which is probably today. The image to your poem and the piece itself are stunning. Chosen words are strung together in a most effective way. Two types of devastation are brought to the reader here--fire, loss of property and the devastation of humans and animals. Having lived in California through a town evacuation I know what this is like. I hope you're alright. The second are the man-made tragedies created by unstable minds. These two timely grief-causing topics seem to have no answers. Marilyn
Comment Written 01-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
-
Thanks, Marilyn, it has been a tough time. Even now when I drive to the ranch where my horse is boarding the mountains are still black and dead looking and it's painful to see them. We have had some rain (also terrifying) and there are bits of green coming up here and there...
Carol
-
Hi Carol. So sorry that you guys are going through all that. I remember from when our area went through a fire, the scorching. My heart broke for the animals who got caught up in it with no escape. Thank God your horses were safe--of course people also. Sometimes people abandon their animals in fires figuring they can fend for themselves, but they cannot. I know you are NOT that kind of pet parent. I still have friends in SoCal who give me plenty of info on the fires. Glad you're safe. Marilyn
-
I stayed home from work the day after the fire started. It was so close, there was no way I was going to leave my dogs and drive to work!!!
-
I wouldn't have left either. Our pets are our babies. I'm glad you all were safe. Marilyn
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Carol, this is a great read and no problems that I can see - you will be fine at your reading in Malibu (it will now be over - I bet it did well). Very descriptive 'Will hope spring, like late rays of sunshine' - I'm sure it will. The stanza that struck me as an amazing piece of writing -
The mountains of my heart
are burnt effigies.
The fur is singed from my body.
My feathers turned to ash, I can
no longer fly................ Oh my dear, what an amazing example of superb metaphor. Well done - warm regards Dorothy xx
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
|
Hi Carol, this is a great read and no problems that I can see - you will be fine at your reading in Malibu (it will now be over - I bet it did well). Very descriptive 'Will hope spring, like late rays of sunshine' - I'm sure it will. The stanza that struck me as an amazing piece of writing -
The mountains of my heart
are burnt effigies.
The fur is singed from my body.
My feathers turned to ash, I can
no longer fly................ Oh my dear, what an amazing example of superb metaphor. Well done - warm regards Dorothy xx
Comment Written 01-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018
-
I love the outdoors and the natural world so much - it literally pains my heart to see the landscape so black and dead looking, and I do feel afraid for the animals. This is all very hard on them too...
Thanks very much, Dorothy,
Carol
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent opening line. It does take only a second to change things forever.
The emotion at the enormous loss, of not only a forest but a home for an animal. And the fear and the horrible screams that a fire makes.
The jump to a crowded bar like a spark jumps and taking a flame of another kind of fire into its midst.
Moving to the aftermath of tragedy and armloads of white roses that cannot replace the lost hope, the shock.
I found this line a little too intellectual
Eighty eight percent of this park land is burned. I think it's the numeric that you might want to reconsider.
But then moving back to the raw, stinging emotions of broken glass and burnt offerings works exceptionally well.
What a tragedy on tragedy. I think this is terrific poem and will be well received and appreciated by your open mic.
Sigh, so much sorrow.
Gloria
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
|
Excellent opening line. It does take only a second to change things forever.
The emotion at the enormous loss, of not only a forest but a home for an animal. And the fear and the horrible screams that a fire makes.
The jump to a crowded bar like a spark jumps and taking a flame of another kind of fire into its midst.
Moving to the aftermath of tragedy and armloads of white roses that cannot replace the lost hope, the shock.
I found this line a little too intellectual
Eighty eight percent of this park land is burned. I think it's the numeric that you might want to reconsider.
But then moving back to the raw, stinging emotions of broken glass and burnt offerings works exceptionally well.
What a tragedy on tragedy. I think this is terrific poem and will be well received and appreciated by your open mic.
Sigh, so much sorrow.
Gloria
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
-
Hi Gloria, thanks for the review of my poem. I could reconsider that 88 percent - as a scientist I tend to think in percentages (at times) but I can see your point. I think "Almost all" would be the next best thing. We'll see if I can stand up there and read this, I think it will be an emotional meeting as all this happened since the last one a month ago...
Carol
Comment from Impromptu Scribe
The title 'Burnt Offerings', apart from the clever play on words, is an interesting one as it implies a form of spiritual gift. Perhaps it is in the hope that by donating this offering, some higher meaning or rational explanation can be found for the horrific devastation wrought by lightning speed forest fires, interwoven with the senseless annihilation of innocent bystanders in an urban shoot-out. The mixing of imagery is dramatic, the sensory cues so real. It speaks of both mindless human acts and dire environmental events, both seemingly uncontrollable in a world gone crazy, because we have ignored for too long the signs written in bold. I think your merging of the two themes works well. Whether in a rural or an urban setting, the lack of safety and a sense of vulnerability is poignant. Persevere with it. It's worth it. Hope my two cents help :) Best wishes.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
|
The title 'Burnt Offerings', apart from the clever play on words, is an interesting one as it implies a form of spiritual gift. Perhaps it is in the hope that by donating this offering, some higher meaning or rational explanation can be found for the horrific devastation wrought by lightning speed forest fires, interwoven with the senseless annihilation of innocent bystanders in an urban shoot-out. The mixing of imagery is dramatic, the sensory cues so real. It speaks of both mindless human acts and dire environmental events, both seemingly uncontrollable in a world gone crazy, because we have ignored for too long the signs written in bold. I think your merging of the two themes works well. Whether in a rural or an urban setting, the lack of safety and a sense of vulnerability is poignant. Persevere with it. It's worth it. Hope my two cents help :) Best wishes.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
-
I was thinking it should be called 'burnt offerings to a careless God'. I find that when things are stressful, my mind makes connections between other stressful events and they seem linked - or feel that way, even though they are not. Thank you so much for a most interesting review, I appreciate it,
Carol
