Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Burnt Offerings"Free verse poems
28 total reviews
Comment from Cass Carlton
Yes, Carol I "got" that. The disjointedness seems to be so right to describe two calamities that happened one on the heels of another. How tragic for you all to have to endure such terrible happenings so closely together. The two events are intertwined in the poem and there is no difficulty in distinguishing one from the other. The last verse is a plea, a prayer that invokes both Man's need to rise above the tragedy and the inexorable power of Nature to renew itself, covering the ashes with fresh green shoots. Then Man may believe the sorrow and loss will in time be comforted. It is my earnest prayer that this may be so. This is a well written poem, full of sorrow and grief, but ending with a note of Hope for the future. Well done
Yours truly Cass
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Yes, Carol I "got" that. The disjointedness seems to be so right to describe two calamities that happened one on the heels of another. How tragic for you all to have to endure such terrible happenings so closely together. The two events are intertwined in the poem and there is no difficulty in distinguishing one from the other. The last verse is a plea, a prayer that invokes both Man's need to rise above the tragedy and the inexorable power of Nature to renew itself, covering the ashes with fresh green shoots. Then Man may believe the sorrow and loss will in time be comforted. It is my earnest prayer that this may be so. This is a well written poem, full of sorrow and grief, but ending with a note of Hope for the future. Well done
Yours truly Cass
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Cass, I appreciate your insightful words. I think that Nature will renew, in time, and with some help. The problem is that invasive plants tend to move in when the indigenous plants are burned, or even native plants that are faster growing and more prone to burning. I think that a lot of people will volunteer to help with planting. The families of the shooting victims will be a long time in healing though.
Thanks so much for this review,
Carol
Comment from CD Richards
I don't know why I thought you were a resident of Montana, and yet both these events took place in California, and you refer to "our community", so I'm presuming that's where you live.
I found the changing POVs very effective, and was particularly moved when you placed yourself in the position of one of the helpless creatures caught in the devastating fire. Animals are so often the tragically overlooked victims in these disasters.
The purposely ambiguous opening could refer to either of these awful scenarios, and sets the tone of what is to come perfectly.
Two horrific events, both showing the fragility of life, with glimpses of heroic behaviour. You've drawn excellent parallels between the two, Carol.
Nothing I see gives me hope for the human species.
No suggestions for improvement, if I had a six to give, I'd slap it on this without hesitation.
Well done,
Craig
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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I don't know why I thought you were a resident of Montana, and yet both these events took place in California, and you refer to "our community", so I'm presuming that's where you live.
I found the changing POVs very effective, and was particularly moved when you placed yourself in the position of one of the helpless creatures caught in the devastating fire. Animals are so often the tragically overlooked victims in these disasters.
The purposely ambiguous opening could refer to either of these awful scenarios, and sets the tone of what is to come perfectly.
Two horrific events, both showing the fragility of life, with glimpses of heroic behaviour. You've drawn excellent parallels between the two, Carol.
Nothing I see gives me hope for the human species.
No suggestions for improvement, if I had a six to give, I'd slap it on this without hesitation.
Well done,
Craig
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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I grew up in Montana and still visit there often and identify strongly with the place...so that explains why you thought I lived there. Now I live in California, my adopted home is Thousand Oaks.
I don't have a lot of hope either, and this whole situation just continues to feel bleak. I appreciate your kind comments, Craig,
Carol
Comment from Y. M. Roger
I'm sorry...are you looking for something to CHANGE...why in the H-E-double-hockey sticks would you want to CHANGE anything, Beautiful?? This is simply magnificent as it stands....it is a surreal blending of the burning of the land and the charring of human life and the taking of life from both. It is choppy and broken just as the sobs of the people who lived it -- it stays just the way it is (in my humble blonde opinion..). A soul-deep write from the heart of a poet to her land and her peoples...thank you for sharing! :) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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I'm sorry...are you looking for something to CHANGE...why in the H-E-double-hockey sticks would you want to CHANGE anything, Beautiful?? This is simply magnificent as it stands....it is a surreal blending of the burning of the land and the charring of human life and the taking of life from both. It is choppy and broken just as the sobs of the people who lived it -- it stays just the way it is (in my humble blonde opinion..). A soul-deep write from the heart of a poet to her land and her peoples...thank you for sharing! :) Yvette :)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Your blond opinion is most welcome, and is accepted humbly :))
Someone suggested that the "eighty eight percent" of the park burned was too...scientific or something. That's the way my brain works but I kind of agree.
Thank you so much for reading and understanding what I was trying to get down on paper (metaphorically)
Carol
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Yeah, well, the math/science thing resonates with me so, I didn't even see a problem with that...:) ;) Yvette :)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written three verse poem about the state the world find itself in. There are many people in this world that are sad, alone, and evil. They don't care about anything because they believe no one cares for them.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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A very well-written three verse poem about the state the world find itself in. There are many people in this world that are sad, alone, and evil. They don't care about anything because they believe no one cares for them.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Thank you for reading my poem,
Carol
Comment from RodG
Yes, it appears you are using this poem for catharsis, your way of dealing with tremendous loss of land and lives. Where to start, to end, and what needs to be focused on most. One image of the fire is especially memorable for me: charred embers fly over the Pacific/ hissing into sullen waves. Someday, probably no soon, you will be able to hone this into something spectacular. Rod
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Yes, it appears you are using this poem for catharsis, your way of dealing with tremendous loss of land and lives. Where to start, to end, and what needs to be focused on most. One image of the fire is especially memorable for me: charred embers fly over the Pacific/ hissing into sullen waves. Someday, probably no soon, you will be able to hone this into something spectacular. Rod
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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I can only imagine the sight of embers flying into the ocean - but I am sure they did just that. We get these fires here and nothing can stop them - except the Pacific Ocean. It's horrible and humbling.
Carol
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I can imagine. I only see what TV news gives us, and those scenes leave me dumbstruck. Rod
Comment from rspoet
Hello Carol,
There is a sure thing about nature, it reclaims.
When the rains come, the sun shines again,
the winds carry seed instead of flame,
green will return. Slowl at first, but steady.
Birds have wings and they soon will come
and small animals appear from somewhere.
The scars will be a long time healing,
both on the land and in the heart.
I would not change anything. The words are true and honest,
raw as knees on concrete.
Read, for it is the first step.
Best wishes to you, my friend.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Hello Carol,
There is a sure thing about nature, it reclaims.
When the rains come, the sun shines again,
the winds carry seed instead of flame,
green will return. Slowl at first, but steady.
Birds have wings and they soon will come
and small animals appear from somewhere.
The scars will be a long time healing,
both on the land and in the heart.
I would not change anything. The words are true and honest,
raw as knees on concrete.
Read, for it is the first step.
Best wishes to you, my friend.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Robert. I'll try to read it and hopefully can get through it. I have a feeling that the meeting will be emotionally very raw - we all live in this community. Malibu has only just been repopulated...
Thank you for reminding me that nature reclaims and heals - it is important to trust in that.
I appreciate your words,
Carol
Comment from lyenochka
What a deeply moving way to convey the grief of your community. I do hope you share this because we are inundated with the constant shootings and risk becoming numb. I don't see anything to change. I like the ending with a question about future hope.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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What a deeply moving way to convey the grief of your community. I do hope you share this because we are inundated with the constant shootings and risk becoming numb. I don't see anything to change. I like the ending with a question about future hope.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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I actually feel kind of numb myself, kind of leaden like a huge weight is on top of me. I don't see anything changing either, not with the shootings or the fires...
Carol
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Keep writing through the numbness and the right words will come in moments of clarity. Hugs!
Comment from Ulla
Carol, if I only had a six it would be yours. Your poem is beautiful and it comes from within. It's raw but that's how you must all feel after this most horrible ordeal. So you were in the Woolsey Fire which started the day after the horrific mass shooting. If you only knew how familiar that area is to me. Please, leave the poem as it is. This is your gut reaction. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Carol, if I only had a six it would be yours. Your poem is beautiful and it comes from within. It's raw but that's how you must all feel after this most horrible ordeal. So you were in the Woolsey Fire which started the day after the horrific mass shooting. If you only knew how familiar that area is to me. Please, leave the poem as it is. This is your gut reaction. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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I know you have been in this area, and you know it well. It was awful to drive home in the middle of the night and see the hills burning - just a mile or two from our house. It seemed like the impossible was happening...
It took me a week or two of thinking the words over, deep inside my mind, hardly in a conscious manner. I guess this is the result of all that...
hugs,
Carol
Comment from Mark Valentine
Carol, I would think that the main point of a poem like this would be to capture the unimaginable grief one feels in the wake of these two horrific events. You certainly did that. My heart ached when I read it. The stanza that talks about losing the ability to breathe deeply, and the loss that "sits heavy" on your chest conveys the visceral component to grief.
I think the best lines are the blunt ones: "I can't stop crying", "I lie bleeding on the floor", and " he wants all he can get".
In a short poem you capture the tragedy, horror, senselessness, and heroism that were on display.
And your last stanzas, introduced by the simple question "How do we get through this?" wonders what we all wonder at times like these - will we ever be the same?
I'd be remiss if I just stuck to reviewing the poem here and didn't express my personal sympathies. I hope you and your community will find healing and hope soon .
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Carol, I would think that the main point of a poem like this would be to capture the unimaginable grief one feels in the wake of these two horrific events. You certainly did that. My heart ached when I read it. The stanza that talks about losing the ability to breathe deeply, and the loss that "sits heavy" on your chest conveys the visceral component to grief.
I think the best lines are the blunt ones: "I can't stop crying", "I lie bleeding on the floor", and " he wants all he can get".
In a short poem you capture the tragedy, horror, senselessness, and heroism that were on display.
And your last stanzas, introduced by the simple question "How do we get through this?" wonders what we all wonder at times like these - will we ever be the same?
I'd be remiss if I just stuck to reviewing the poem here and didn't express my personal sympathies. I hope you and your community will find healing and hope soon .
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Sometimes I feel absolutely numb, but my chest won't expand, and I feel that weight on my chest and midsection. Every time I go past that memorial I cry - it's just layers and layers of flowers and pictures, candles...cowboy boots and hats, t-shirts. Everyone is still grieving, and I'm sort of peripheral to it because I've only lived here for seven years. It all brings up memories of old friends lost and I know the pain they are all feeling now.
Thank you so much, Mark. I think we have to get through it one step, one day, one minute at a time. I appreciate your comments and sentiment here.
Carol
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Carol. I am so sorry about the fires out there. It makes me sick and I don't even live there. I can only imagine the devastation the residents are feeling today and forever. (It's a big hurt.)
This poetry is your heart pouring out the feelings you try to convey, but it is nearly impossible. You have done a terrific job from beginning to end, my friend. Your consistent use of strong verbs coupled with your true aching heart make this a fantastic piece of writing. Bless you and good luck, Carol. X Bob
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Hi, Carol. I am so sorry about the fires out there. It makes me sick and I don't even live there. I can only imagine the devastation the residents are feeling today and forever. (It's a big hurt.)
This poetry is your heart pouring out the feelings you try to convey, but it is nearly impossible. You have done a terrific job from beginning to end, my friend. Your consistent use of strong verbs coupled with your true aching heart make this a fantastic piece of writing. Bless you and good luck, Carol. X Bob
Comment Written 30-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2018
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Thank you so much, Bob, I appreciate your kind words and understanding...
Carol
