Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Hi. You have written a poignant and moving short dribble for this Flash competition. The terror of fire is well described here and the ... Fire!!... reaction is believeable too. Good story. Good luck.

Melissa

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018

Hi Melissa, Thank you as we have had recent fires here in my state I thought it may be a topic to do a flash fiction I appreciate you time to comment and lets hope the fires are minimal or none everywhere Cheers Christine

Comment from WryWriter

Excellent

Excitement in dribble. An unexpected twist. I counted fifty words according to the contest rules. Nice build to a surprise ending. Now for the rest of the story.... This would be a good beginning. Great job!

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2018

Thank you Wrywriter for you review perhaps I could buid it into a story I will see. Many Cheers to you

reply by WryWriter on 08-Dec-2018

And to you this season! : )

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

Oh my goodness this is a scary write, fire is so frightening as it spreads so quickly and can get out of control and take lives, a vivid picture painted here, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018

Hi Dolly
thanks for your review and yes all too close to home this one we have had several fires recently so I think we are in for a bad Summer Cheers Chris

Comment from Janilou

Excellent

I lived in Australia for many years and have never forgotten the terrible bushfires. I was trapped in the countryside during that awful Ash Wednesday, and drove up a road toward Balhannah only forty minutes before other drivers died on that road when the flames came across the road and incinerated their cars.

Just a couple of minor punctuation issues:

'Twas hot and humid.
Strong northerly winds worried Jim. "Gunna be another bad day love(,)" he announced. I'll keep a look out.(")

Add comma after the word 'love' and also a closing quotation mark after the word 'out'



"Fire(,)" he shouted.

Add comma.

All the best and stay safe down under!

Jan

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018

Hi Jan, Thank you for your review and punctuation suggestiions. I have changed them. Yes we live in a bad state for fires we had one near Ballarat yesterday and the weather is hot and fire ready. I do remember the Ash Wednesday fires. All the best to you Cheers

Comment from jmshumate

Excellent

I'm not sure what is meant by a dribble, but I've read a couple tonight and I like this dribble flash fiction. You have described a moment or even seconds with a bolt of nature a forest is in flames. So much is left to my imagination from here. Were they in a situation where they trapped or now had to immediately evacuate, were there homes in near danger? His heart was racing what happened next! Good job on this.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018

Hi jmshumate. Thanks for your review and I guess I will have to do a few flash fictions to build the story. Thanks for describing how my story left you feeling I am pleased with this reacting. Cheers

Comment from nacwriter

Good

I love the subject matter. Almost everyone can relate to fires.
I wasn't quite sure how to read the second paragraph, 'Mid afternoon, flash, lightning cracked.' I read it several times and it didn't flow well. Maybe just different punctuation would help - using a period instead of a comma after 'flash.'
Again, the subject was easy to relate to. I have a cousin who fights forest fires.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018

Hi nacwroter. Thank for your review and suggestions always welcomed to improve my work. I have re puctuated and hopefully a rest after mid afternoon would make it read more smoothly Cheers

Comment from Donka Kristeva

Excellent

Short Fiction work filled with nature destructive activity, well written, giving a whole vivid picture of sudden fire. note: did you mean "dry undergrowth"?

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018

Hi Donka,cThank ypu for ypur time to read my flash fiction This is close to home after fires in our area yesterday and ajim reminds me of my father always on the lookout for fires that may threatened our farm. Cheers have added the r

Comment from oorwull

Excellent

Liked the abruptness of the tale. That is how many fires start. Good luck down under....I'm in California, but not close to our fires thank goodness.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018

Hi ,Thank you oorwull for yoir review and comments. Yes many a fire is lightning related and how awful have the California fires been . I live in Victoria./ Australia and between us we have the most fires around. A bad year again already with a fire close by yesterday and weather hot humid and windy. Cheers Glad you are safe

reply by oorwull on 06-Dec-2018

Thanks for your concern