Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "The Future in the Palm of the Hand"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
2 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! Your characters are a riot! Thanks for continuing this saga, Euell. I don't know about his fortune-telling skills, but Daniel is giving some American cultural bias. In reality, there are many more who don't actually date in high school. My husband was my first boyfriend in college and 42 years later, we've been married 38 years. I don't think I'm the only one with that kind of story.
One comment:
"to laugh almost uncontrollably. " (Can you give us more physical information about this uncontrollable laughter? Was he doubled over? Did he pound on his desk? Hold his stomach?)
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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Lol! Your characters are a riot! Thanks for continuing this saga, Euell. I don't know about his fortune-telling skills, but Daniel is giving some American cultural bias. In reality, there are many more who don't actually date in high school. My husband was my first boyfriend in college and 42 years later, we've been married 38 years. I don't think I'm the only one with that kind of story.
One comment:
"to laugh almost uncontrollably. " (Can you give us more physical information about this uncontrollable laughter? Was he doubled over? Did he pound on his desk? Hold his stomach?)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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LOL! That?s awesome. I?m sure that?s a beautiful story waiting to be shared :)
I?ve been absent for another long while. I don?t get the luxury to get online much anymore. However, when I can, I try and make the best of it. Thank you for the noted insight and suggestions as always :)
-Euell
Comment from giraffmang
That's quite a revelation there at the end. ^This continues to intrigue and appeal.
"What's funny? Daniel asks. - missing speech marks here.
Whoever gets it right the first time?" - I think in this instance who ever should be presented as two words.
supplements the embarrassing look on El's face. - maybe use embarrassed rather than embarrassing.
"El," he repeats, "Maybe, it would be best you - technically maybe should start lower case as it is continuing dialogue with the previous not being closed off.
"About that cure," El begins, "What is it?" - same thing here.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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That's quite a revelation there at the end. ^This continues to intrigue and appeal.
"What's funny? Daniel asks. - missing speech marks here.
Whoever gets it right the first time?" - I think in this instance who ever should be presented as two words.
supplements the embarrassing look on El's face. - maybe use embarrassed rather than embarrassing.
"El," he repeats, "Maybe, it would be best you - technically maybe should start lower case as it is continuing dialogue with the previous not being closed off.
"About that cure," El begins, "What is it?" - same thing here.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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Thank you, giraffmang! Those errors get the best of me. I?m happy you found it intriguing. Any suggestions on how I can improve this as I get deeper into the middle of the story? Thank you for your message and attention.
-Euell