Simple Simon Revised
Contest entry without the letter A14 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This lipogram, Simple Simon Revised, is definitely without a A (for the most part). The revision is really well done and updates the rhyme nicely.
Poor Simon frowned (and) left the peddler...
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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This lipogram, Simple Simon Revised, is definitely without a A (for the most part). The revision is really well done and updates the rhyme nicely.
Poor Simon frowned (and) left the peddler...
Comment Written 19-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Hey, thanks for catching that. So far, no one else has.
Comment from Denise Stoll
Very good. Love the new spin on an old classic. The picture set it up nicely and reminds me of my favorite book of poems from childhood. Thanks for the memory. Best line: Beer in fish 's delish!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Very good. Love the new spin on an old classic. The picture set it up nicely and reminds me of my favorite book of poems from childhood. Thanks for the memory. Best line: Beer in fish 's delish!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Thank you for dropping by to read and share your insights!
Comment from lyenochka
Lol. You made an entertaining story out of this well known rhyme and you avoided the letter 'a' also. Great job with the lipogram.
I think these lines could use some editing in the punctuation:
""It's not possible," sir peddler,
"Left it in Des Moines."
to: "It's not possible, sir peddler,
Left it in Des Moines."
Enjoyed the coin-Des Moines rhyme!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Lol. You made an entertaining story out of this well known rhyme and you avoided the letter 'a' also. Great job with the lipogram.
I think these lines could use some editing in the punctuation:
""It's not possible," sir peddler,
"Left it in Des Moines."
to: "It's not possible, sir peddler,
Left it in Des Moines."
Enjoyed the coin-Des Moines rhyme!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Thank you for dropping by to read and share your insights!
Comment from Randa Dayle
Wonderful! I bet that took a lot of thinking and figuring out! Good job though, and yes I looked for any sign of the letter A. Some of the quotes are not quite where they should be, but that is very minor.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Wonderful! I bet that took a lot of thinking and figuring out! Good job though, and yes I looked for any sign of the letter A. Some of the quotes are not quite where they should be, but that is very minor.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Thank you for dropping by to read and share your insights! Was so focused on not using the letter a, I was a bit sloppy on punctuation - had to make the deadline.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow! This was long to be so conscientious about your missing A. I am duly impressed. I bet that took some finagling!! And the rhyme matched that of the from the old nursery books, so that's impressive, too. Best of luck to you in this contest!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Wow! This was long to be so conscientious about your missing A. I am duly impressed. I bet that took some finagling!! And the rhyme matched that of the from the old nursery books, so that's impressive, too. Best of luck to you in this contest!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review Simple Simon - it was a fun challenge!
Comment from MissMerri
Excellent entry, June! I think it would be very difficult to leave out any vowel, so I didn't even attempt it. You did a wonderful job with this lipogram. Your poem flows so well and tells a cute story and complies with all the rules. Good luck in the contest. MM
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Excellent entry, June! I think it would be very difficult to leave out any vowel, so I didn't even attempt it. You did a wonderful job with this lipogram. Your poem flows so well and tells a cute story and complies with all the rules. Good luck in the contest. MM
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review Simple Simon - it was a fun challenge!
Comment from Joan E.
Good for you to take on the extra challenge of writing your Lipogram without the vowel "a". (You just have to get rid of "That's" in the second stanza.) I enjoyed your rhymes and your variations on the story about Simple Simon. Smiles and best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Good for you to take on the extra challenge of writing your Lipogram without the vowel "a". (You just have to get rid of "That's" in the second stanza.) I enjoyed your rhymes and your variations on the story about Simple Simon. Smiles and best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Thanks for the heads up on the word that?s - should have been it?s. I wrote and rewrote this lipogram so many times my eyes were crossed! Appreciate your positive feedback. Always nice to hear from you.
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It is always difficult to edit our own work. I'm glad I could be helpful. Good luck in the competition- Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about simple simon lipogram that worked all well until the last paragraph where the word [and] slipped in. I suggest a change but you can use it or find something else that will fit better.
Typo [a]
wetting dough and[with] fish,
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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A very well-written poem about simple simon lipogram that worked all well until the last paragraph where the word [and] slipped in. I suggest a change but you can use it or find something else that will fit better.
Typo [a]
wetting dough and[with] fish,
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Copied and pasted at midnight. Will have to go back send fix things! Thanks for the review!
Comment from patcelaw
Junem you have met the challenge and you did it with class, may your entry be chosen as a winner. May your new month be blessed. Patricia
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Junem you have met the challenge and you did it with class, may your entry be chosen as a winner. May your new month be blessed. Patricia
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Pat, for taking the time to read and share your insights.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a fun write June, and I have never heard of Deep fried beer-dough fish. But I know the American diet has a lot of stodgy carbs in it. The last line of the first stanza jars a bit in rhyme: Perhaps try: "for some deep fried dough though". This might match the second line better, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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This is a fun write June, and I have never heard of Deep fried beer-dough fish. But I know the American diet has a lot of stodgy carbs in it. The last line of the first stanza jars a bit in rhyme: Perhaps try: "for some deep fried dough though". This might match the second line better, love Dolly x
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Dolly, for the suggestion. I did go back and made some revisions. I was so tired of working on this last night, I just posted it at midnight and went to bed! It was a bit of a challenge, but it was fun. Appreciate your insights, as always,.
