Man's Best Friend
A night for a father/son team in an out-of-town bar27 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
Wow! Congratulations on winning the contest, although it never surprises me when you win; you're an amazing writer. As always, your characters are well drawn and believable, the storyline plausible, and the amount of detail incredible. Only you can write a line like, "cleavage like two rolls of dough left to rise in a cramped bakery display case."
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Wow! Congratulations on winning the contest, although it never surprises me when you win; you're an amazing writer. As always, your characters are well drawn and believable, the storyline plausible, and the amount of detail incredible. Only you can write a line like, "cleavage like two rolls of dough left to rise in a cramped bakery display case."
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Hahahahah. That was my favorite line, too, FSBFF!! Of course it would also be yours!!
Thank you for this delightful review. xo
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So, this is just a guess on my part, but were we separated at birth????
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HAD to be! Our parents have some splainin' to do, Michele!!
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Luuuuucy!
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hahahahahahaha
Comment from Colin John
Fantastic write Rachelle. I do like this bit the best and it has real imagination.
"Your hair smells so good," Pete whispers into her ear, and she moans ever so slightly and molds herself further into him.
Can see why you won.
Hope this review get you an all time besty. Kind Regards Colin x
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Fantastic write Rachelle. I do like this bit the best and it has real imagination.
"Your hair smells so good," Pete whispers into her ear, and she moans ever so slightly and molds herself further into him.
Can see why you won.
Hope this review get you an all time besty. Kind Regards Colin x
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Colin. I always appreciate your feedback. xo
Comment from LisaMay
Oh woe, a honey trap. It's lucky Earl didn't bite the cougar to make matters worse. You described that grotty bar and those women so well I felt like I was there and could see you in the shadows scribbling notes for this story. Did you end up with Pete so that he could win for real? I was hiding out in "Setters" practising how to shimmy like a jellyfish on a jackhammer. Such enjoyable imagery throughout. What a bunch of characters that I am never likely to meet elsewhere.
Come to think of it, this felt so well observed and natural slice-of-life I think you are misleading us about being an opera singer and dancer... more like pole-dancing country and western singer methinks, named Lou perchance?
Terrific to see that you pipped your rival's story to come out a winner again.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2019
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Oh woe, a honey trap. It's lucky Earl didn't bite the cougar to make matters worse. You described that grotty bar and those women so well I felt like I was there and could see you in the shadows scribbling notes for this story. Did you end up with Pete so that he could win for real? I was hiding out in "Setters" practising how to shimmy like a jellyfish on a jackhammer. Such enjoyable imagery throughout. What a bunch of characters that I am never likely to meet elsewhere.
Come to think of it, this felt so well observed and natural slice-of-life I think you are misleading us about being an opera singer and dancer... more like pole-dancing country and western singer methinks, named Lou perchance?
Terrific to see that you pipped your rival's story to come out a winner again.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2019
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Damn! Busted!! These days with cameras everywhere, I should know better than to pretend I know nothing of pole dancing in cowboys bars!!
You are the liveliest reviewer on FanStory, Sis. I always love your feedback. xo
Comment from humpwhistle
I enjoyed this story. A father/son rivalry wrapped in a blizzard and a debauch. The opening is way heavy on 'tell', but I suspect you were finding your way into the story.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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I enjoyed this story. A father/son rivalry wrapped in a blizzard and a debauch. The opening is way heavy on 'tell', but I suspect you were finding your way into the story.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Yes, I think you're correct about that. I'll see if I can re-work that to add some 'show.' Thanks for the candor. I always appreciate your reviews for that.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Well, I didn't see that one coming, and I guess Re-Pete didn't either (LOL). It was a joy to read this ... pure entertainment, and, although, fictional, the dialog and game-on playing was realistic. Exceptional! Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Well, I didn't see that one coming, and I guess Re-Pete didn't either (LOL). It was a joy to read this ... pure entertainment, and, although, fictional, the dialog and game-on playing was realistic. Exceptional! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Gale, you wonderful reviewer you - encouraging, but also specific about what 'worked' here and what connected with you. Thanks very much, because this is how I become better at this craft. xo
Comment from poetwatch
A good story but dad won. it's not fair, most families working together are not to compatible, but it looks like this family is competing trying to run up the score. :) Yet, getting laid is better than getting fired. :( Good woo-who for the How to woo a woman contest.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2019
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A good story but dad won. it's not fair, most families working together are not to compatible, but it looks like this family is competing trying to run up the score. :) Yet, getting laid is better than getting fired. :( Good woo-who for the How to woo a woman contest.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2019
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No, it's a hard thing to work together; you're SO right about that, poetwatch!
Thank you for the fun review. I appreciate it very much. And thank you for the well-wishes with the contest, too.
Comment from Catmusings
Oh nooo! Poor Re-Pete got tricked and duped with that woman evaluating him. Guess that's not the way to woo a woman, after all. Even though Re-Pete sounded like a bit of a rogue, I still felt badly for him.
Great story with good characters and descriptions. I could picture it all unfolding so well. Good showing of the father and son's relationship. Very entertaining story. Good job!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2019
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Oh nooo! Poor Re-Pete got tricked and duped with that woman evaluating him. Guess that's not the way to woo a woman, after all. Even though Re-Pete sounded like a bit of a rogue, I still felt badly for him.
Great story with good characters and descriptions. I could picture it all unfolding so well. Good showing of the father and son's relationship. Very entertaining story. Good job!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Catmusings! But you KNOW you are not supposed to fall for the Bad Boys; that always leads to trouble!
I really appreciated this review. It's great when specifics, like you offered, are given. It helps me know what 'connected' and what I can do next time.
Comment from diamondbogle
This was interesting. I mean for the contest I think it'll do well. I mean honestly it was funny and I enjoyed it. I didn't see any mistakes anywhere and it flowed pretty good.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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This was interesting. I mean for the contest I think it'll do well. I mean honestly it was funny and I enjoyed it. I didn't see any mistakes anywhere and it flowed pretty good.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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Thank you, diamondbogle! I'm glad you thought it was funny. It was very fun to imagine and write.
Comment from Tpa
I wish you the best in the contest. You have some humorous material, especially the signs on the bathroom's entrances. Your descriptions of some of the women added a grin or two. A story that indeed was worthwhile to read.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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I wish you the best in the contest. You have some humorous material, especially the signs on the bathroom's entrances. Your descriptions of some of the women added a grin or two. A story that indeed was worthwhile to read.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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That's very nice of you, Tpa. Thank you for this encouraging review.
Comment from shaffer40
Impeccably written and filled with humorous dialogue. I especially liked some of the descriptions of, and clever phrasing about, the women in the bar, as in these examples:
cranks out one braying cowboy tune after another
cleavage like two rolls of dough
fringe on her motorcycle jacket swan dives into Tammy's beer
shimmies like a jellyfish on a jackhammer
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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Impeccably written and filled with humorous dialogue. I especially liked some of the descriptions of, and clever phrasing about, the women in the bar, as in these examples:
cranks out one braying cowboy tune after another
cleavage like two rolls of dough
fringe on her motorcycle jacket swan dives into Tammy's beer
shimmies like a jellyfish on a jackhammer
Comment Written 02-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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Thank you, shaffer40; I always love specific examples from reviewers of what 'connected.' That helps me when I'm writing the next one. I very much appreciate this feedback. You're an awesome reviewer.
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Thank you for the compliment. It was fun reviewing your story.
