Man's Best Friend
A night for a father/son team in an out-of-town bar27 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
This is a great entry for the 'how to woo a woman' contest. And a great ending. You just about have to feel sorry for Re-Pete.
Just one thought:
'He clinks his cup with each woman's in the circle' - I might have said 'he clinks his cup with each woman in the circle' or 'they clink cups all round'. The 'woman's' sounds a bit clumsy to me - but it's your story.
"So how about that, Dad. It looks like you win tonight after all." - It's not a big deal but I might have put a question mark after 'Dad'.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2019
  |
This is a great entry for the 'how to woo a woman' contest. And a great ending. You just about have to feel sorry for Re-Pete.
Just one thought:
'He clinks his cup with each woman's in the circle' - I might have said 'he clinks his cup with each woman in the circle' or 'they clink cups all round'. The 'woman's' sounds a bit clumsy to me - but it's your story.
"So how about that, Dad. It looks like you win tonight after all." - It's not a big deal but I might have put a question mark after 'Dad'.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2019
-
Yes!! I like BOTH these suggestions and will get right to them after I finish reading all the reviews. Thank you very much, Judy; you are a such a talented editor, indeed! xo
Comment from susand3022
Before I even read more than the first line... I'm only going to say this...
"Pete and Re-Pete sat on a bar... Pete fell off, who was left?" "Re-Pete" "Pete and Re-Pete sat on a bar..." lol (I have Peter's in my family... though it was always a fence. Okay back to the story!
Ouch! I guess Re-Pete was a re-peat offender and was totally busted! I bet Pete was glad he didn't win that night! Wow! What a totally surprising twist too. I never even thought of seeing that coming!
Really good story, I enjoyed reading it a lot! :)
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
|
Before I even read more than the first line... I'm only going to say this...
"Pete and Re-Pete sat on a bar... Pete fell off, who was left?" "Re-Pete" "Pete and Re-Pete sat on a bar..." lol (I have Peter's in my family... though it was always a fence. Okay back to the story!
Ouch! I guess Re-Pete was a re-peat offender and was totally busted! I bet Pete was glad he didn't win that night! Wow! What a totally surprising twist too. I never even thought of seeing that coming!
Really good story, I enjoyed reading it a lot! :)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
-
HAHAHAH. That joke was what got me started with these name choices. Great minds must think alike, Susan.
Thank you for the fun review (re-pete offender. You have NO shame!) I loved it.
Comment from SLMorrical
A great entry for the contest. The end made me laugh. I guess it just goes to show, you never know who you are with. I really like this. It flows very well. It is an easy read to follow. The ending was a surprise, which made it a wonderful read. Good luck in the contest. Very well done.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
|
A great entry for the contest. The end made me laugh. I guess it just goes to show, you never know who you are with. I really like this. It flows very well. It is an easy read to follow. The ending was a surprise, which made it a wonderful read. Good luck in the contest. Very well done.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
-
Thanks, SLMorrical! I appreciate this review very much!
Comment from Randa Dayle
Hmmm how to woo a woman. Hmmm is all I can say. Your writing needs no correcting, and I think you have entered an interesting contest. Wouldn't you agree? Hmmm?
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
|
Hmmm how to woo a woman. Hmmm is all I can say. Your writing needs no correcting, and I think you have entered an interesting contest. Wouldn't you agree? Hmmm?
Comment Written 31-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
-
Definitely!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh dear, what a way to lose! lol, and to his dad, too! This was a really good story of father and son on a mission. Lots of natural chat lines as they both try to outdo each other. But in the end, does either of them really win? I think dad lost in a way too. Well done, I really enjoyed this story. :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
|
Oh dear, what a way to lose! lol, and to his dad, too! This was a really good story of father and son on a mission. Lots of natural chat lines as they both try to outdo each other. But in the end, does either of them really win? I think dad lost in a way too. Well done, I really enjoyed this story. :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
-
Definitely! Now he's got to work that storm alone!!
Thanks, Sandra; I always appreciate your fun reviews
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
A nice fun piece here for the competition. Re-Pete won't be in much of a position to repeat that evenings feats. lol
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
|
hi there,
A nice fun piece here for the competition. Re-Pete won't be in much of a position to repeat that evenings feats. lol
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
-
Nope. He's in the permanent dog house!
Thanks for the nice review, GMG!
Comment from 24chas
This was great! What a great story you tell. It was hilarious. Pete and Re-Pete are quite the characters that you introduced us to early on. And they're so damned likeable too. I loved the flow of the story and the ultimate outcome was classic. How in the world did you come up with a story like this? Great job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
 |
This was great! What a great story you tell. It was hilarious. Pete and Re-Pete are quite the characters that you introduced us to early on. And they're so damned likeable too. I loved the flow of the story and the ultimate outcome was classic. How in the world did you come up with a story like this? Great job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
-
There are characters all around us, chas24; I just use them to my literary advantage!! Thank you for the encouraging review! xo
