I'm Only Seventeen
(I don't want it to end this way.)13 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Writer,
An excellent flash fiction story for the contest
with a deceptive picture. Good twist at the end
which is the trademark of these short pieces.
Sad and difficult decision to make
Well done
Good luck in the contest
RS
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Hello Writer,
An excellent flash fiction story for the contest
with a deceptive picture. Good twist at the end
which is the trademark of these short pieces.
Sad and difficult decision to make
Well done
Good luck in the contest
RS
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thanks so much for your appreciative review and good wishes.
Comment from Gail Denham
Well done. Those pets trust us. Then to have us betray them. We had two doxies - each lasted almost 16 years. Sickness was part of their latter years though. And they had to be put to sleep. It's pretty sad. In fact, the ashes of the last one are still on top our fridge -husband can't think of where to scatter them.
This is a good take on that event. Good job.
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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Well done. Those pets trust us. Then to have us betray them. We had two doxies - each lasted almost 16 years. Sickness was part of their latter years though. And they had to be put to sleep. It's pretty sad. In fact, the ashes of the last one are still on top our fridge -husband can't think of where to scatter them.
This is a good take on that event. Good job.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thanks for your review Gail. I still have Tilly's ashes too. I like to think she is still at home with me.
Comment from humpwhistle
I like the storytelling from the cat's perspective. The trepidation. The lack of understanding. But the second to the last line seems to belie this confusion. The cat recognizes the vet and the needle. I realize that doesn't necessarily mean the is cognizant of all that is happening, but that line feels incongruent with the rest of the story. Just my opinion.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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I like the storytelling from the cat's perspective. The trepidation. The lack of understanding. But the second to the last line seems to belie this confusion. The cat recognizes the vet and the needle. I realize that doesn't necessarily mean the is cognizant of all that is happening, but that line feels incongruent with the rest of the story. Just my opinion.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Nah... the cat is dead by then. Her strength has ebbed to finality. So the last line is a statement of what happens after she has expired.
Thanks for your review.
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Actually, that makes it worse. You changed POV. L
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I have now put the cat's thoughts in italics to differentiate. Why does changing POV make it worse? the last line is after the cat has stopped thinking.
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When you start out writing one 'person's' thoughts, with no narrator, you're stuck there. Sometimes authors 'mind-hop' but that's considered very poor form.
I think the solution is to put all the cat's thoughts in italics and leave the last line in regular type. Traditionally, italics are used to designate 'inner thoughts'. You may think I'm a nitpicker, and maybe I am, but in this case, I'm right. L
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I already changed the cat's thoughts to italics. I agree there needed to be a differentiation.
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Yes, I was agreeing with you.
