A Second Chance With Randall
A beloved woman's life changes after widowhood.30 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rachelle, not only do I love cats, I've had them all my life, but what I love about this story is how you deal with grief. It always help to have the support from loved ones. Two first paragraphs you start with 'As'. I would consider to change one of them.
All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Hi Rachelle, not only do I love cats, I've had them all my life, but what I love about this story is how you deal with grief. It always help to have the support from loved ones. Two first paragraphs you start with 'As'. I would consider to change one of them.
All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Nice catch, Ulla. Thank you. I'll edit that.
And thank you for the delightful review that felt so validating and warm. xo
Comment from LisaMay
What a charming story, and not just because I am a cat lover. It carries us along with sympathy, concern, delight, empathy, friendship and happiness.
I was somewhat perplexed that family and friends hadn't actually been to Etta's house to visit with her since the funeral... 5 weeks is a long time.
You have employed good use of language but I baulked at use of the word 'skittish', which to me means playfully frivolous, but it does have a more hesitant, scared meaning which may be more familiar in your personal usage.
I love your verb words, especially in this line "his tiny tongue flurried in and out" and touches of humour, as in: Dyeing for Attention Beauty Salon.
I really enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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What a charming story, and not just because I am a cat lover. It carries us along with sympathy, concern, delight, empathy, friendship and happiness.
I was somewhat perplexed that family and friends hadn't actually been to Etta's house to visit with her since the funeral... 5 weeks is a long time.
You have employed good use of language but I baulked at use of the word 'skittish', which to me means playfully frivolous, but it does have a more hesitant, scared meaning which may be more familiar in your personal usage.
I love your verb words, especially in this line "his tiny tongue flurried in and out" and touches of humour, as in: Dyeing for Attention Beauty Salon.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Five weeks is a long time, BUT she was the doyenne of capable, so they all wanted to give her her space and grieve as she needed, in her own time. (Her daughters told each other that, and the bridge partners did, as well.)
I did mean 'skittish' as hesitant and scared. I wasn't even aware of the
playfully frivolous' meaning. Thank you for making me a smarter, savvier writer today!!
As always, thank you for your wonderful review. I always love to read what you write. xo
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That explains it well. If it was me, I'd probably just go on over anyway, with a bottle of booze and a hug (and some pink tissues for the inevitable sobbing as we reminisced about her darling husband Randall)
I always think of playful kittens as being skittish, chasing things, but I have also heard it used to describe a 'skittish young colt' who is being broken in and would therefore be scared.
Comment from TheStoryMan
What a beautiful story about dealing with grief. Herb knew exactly what she needed to overcome her grief. Losing someone is never easy but with the help of your loved ones it isn't as hard.
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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What a beautiful story about dealing with grief. Herb knew exactly what she needed to overcome her grief. Losing someone is never easy but with the help of your loved ones it isn't as hard.
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Beautifully put, StoryMan. Thank you for this perfect review. xo
Comment from Michele Harber
Hello, my FSBFF. I've finally found a few free minutes and can give you the review I promised earlier, followed by the kind of in-depth proof I do for no one on the site but you, because I know that's what you want and appreciate.
Let me start by saying that this is an absolutely charming story with likable, well-drawn characters and a believable plot. I love the idea that a cat can help in consoling and healing, and can even change a person's long-established patterns of behavior. As a dog- turned cat-person myself, I can fully understand and appreciate the powers a cat has over those lucky enough to be owned by them. (Yes, I phrased it that way deliberately. Ask any cat owner just who owns who.)
Two of the things that always amaze me about your writing are your attention to detail (i.e., "freshly ironed housecoat") and the descriptiveness of your words. Your adjectives manage to be so full of activity (i.e., "bustling," "rambunctious," "imploring," "pendulous," "pulsing," "admiring") or, simply, so far from the norm, as in your use of "incredulous" vs., for instance, "surprised."
Just as your adjectives are active, your verbs are amazingly descriptive ("flurried;" "arcing," "hunkered," "launch," "cooed," "scaled," "nestled," "blotted," "sidled").
I also enjoyed those moments where you let your wonderful sense of humor shine through, as in the "Dyeing for Attention Beauty Salon" and the comparison to "the conspiratorial whisper of a B-movie spy."
As I implied earlier, I did do the proofing with a fine-tooth comb, but every suggestion I make, down to the placement of a comma (yes, I got that specific), has a very specific reason. Here are my suggested edits, in sequence, along with the reasons for them:
â?¢ "the other houses, small and tidy, that resembled her own and wiped away more tears"
You need a comma between "own" and "and." That brings the subject back to Etta, who wiped away the tears. Otherwise, the subject of the clause to which that refers is "the other houses," and it's highly unlikely that they've wiped away tears.
â?¢ "But it had been only two days since she'd buried Randall and didn't much imagine ..."
You need a comma after "Randall," and a "she" between "and" and "didn't." Otherwise, you're referring back to the phrase "only two days." It may have been two days since she'd buried Randall, but it wasn't two days since she "didn't much imagine ...."
â?¢ "the sack was moving and gave it a hard stare"
You need a comma after "moving," to bring the subject back to Etta. Otherwise, the sack was the one both moving and giving the hard stare.
â?¢ "Her entire married life, she'd wanted a cat, but Randall had been severely allergic"
The comma is unnecessary after "life" as "she'd wanted a cat" refers directly to the phrase "Her entire married life," which is simply the duration of time she'd wanted the cat.
â?¢ "The phone rang, but as Etta answered it, she saw the kitten launch himself onto the draperies."
The comma belongs after "but," not "rang," making "as Etta answered it" a parenthetical phrase. Yes, "parenthetical" can mean between parentheses or between commas, and the way to prove you've separated out your parenthetical phrase properly is to lift it out and see if what remains is a complete and grammatically correct sentence. "The phone rang she saw the kitten launch himself onto the draperies" isn't, but "The phone rang but she saw the kitten launch himself onto the draperies" is.
â?¢ "called, too, too cheer her up"
This one's just a typo. Drop the second "o" in the second "too."
â?¢ "My mother is letter her roots grow out?"
This is another simple typo. Change "letter" to "letting."
â?¢ "We'll both get some fresh air and sunshine, and after I've pulled all the weeds that have taken over out there, I'm going to hoe a brand new section of the garden."
The comma after "sunshine" should, instead, be between "and" and "after," making "after I've pulled all the weeds that have taken over out there" the parenthetical phrase without which you'd still have a complete sentence.
With these changes, your story should be grammatically perfect.
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Hello, my FSBFF. I've finally found a few free minutes and can give you the review I promised earlier, followed by the kind of in-depth proof I do for no one on the site but you, because I know that's what you want and appreciate.
Let me start by saying that this is an absolutely charming story with likable, well-drawn characters and a believable plot. I love the idea that a cat can help in consoling and healing, and can even change a person's long-established patterns of behavior. As a dog- turned cat-person myself, I can fully understand and appreciate the powers a cat has over those lucky enough to be owned by them. (Yes, I phrased it that way deliberately. Ask any cat owner just who owns who.)
Two of the things that always amaze me about your writing are your attention to detail (i.e., "freshly ironed housecoat") and the descriptiveness of your words. Your adjectives manage to be so full of activity (i.e., "bustling," "rambunctious," "imploring," "pendulous," "pulsing," "admiring") or, simply, so far from the norm, as in your use of "incredulous" vs., for instance, "surprised."
Just as your adjectives are active, your verbs are amazingly descriptive ("flurried;" "arcing," "hunkered," "launch," "cooed," "scaled," "nestled," "blotted," "sidled").
I also enjoyed those moments where you let your wonderful sense of humor shine through, as in the "Dyeing for Attention Beauty Salon" and the comparison to "the conspiratorial whisper of a B-movie spy."
As I implied earlier, I did do the proofing with a fine-tooth comb, but every suggestion I make, down to the placement of a comma (yes, I got that specific), has a very specific reason. Here are my suggested edits, in sequence, along with the reasons for them:
â?¢ "the other houses, small and tidy, that resembled her own and wiped away more tears"
You need a comma between "own" and "and." That brings the subject back to Etta, who wiped away the tears. Otherwise, the subject of the clause to which that refers is "the other houses," and it's highly unlikely that they've wiped away tears.
â?¢ "But it had been only two days since she'd buried Randall and didn't much imagine ..."
You need a comma after "Randall," and a "she" between "and" and "didn't." Otherwise, you're referring back to the phrase "only two days." It may have been two days since she'd buried Randall, but it wasn't two days since she "didn't much imagine ...."
â?¢ "the sack was moving and gave it a hard stare"
You need a comma after "moving," to bring the subject back to Etta. Otherwise, the sack was the one both moving and giving the hard stare.
â?¢ "Her entire married life, she'd wanted a cat, but Randall had been severely allergic"
The comma is unnecessary after "life" as "she'd wanted a cat" refers directly to the phrase "Her entire married life," which is simply the duration of time she'd wanted the cat.
â?¢ "The phone rang, but as Etta answered it, she saw the kitten launch himself onto the draperies."
The comma belongs after "but," not "rang," making "as Etta answered it" a parenthetical phrase. Yes, "parenthetical" can mean between parentheses or between commas, and the way to prove you've separated out your parenthetical phrase properly is to lift it out and see if what remains is a complete and grammatically correct sentence. "The phone rang she saw the kitten launch himself onto the draperies" isn't, but "The phone rang but she saw the kitten launch himself onto the draperies" is.
â?¢ "called, too, too cheer her up"
This one's just a typo. Drop the second "o" in the second "too."
â?¢ "My mother is letter her roots grow out?"
This is another simple typo. Change "letter" to "letting."
â?¢ "We'll both get some fresh air and sunshine, and after I've pulled all the weeds that have taken over out there, I'm going to hoe a brand new section of the garden."
The comma after "sunshine" should, instead, be between "and" and "after," making "after I've pulled all the weeds that have taken over out there" the parenthetical phrase without which you'd still have a complete sentence.
With these changes, your story should be grammatically perfect.
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Wow!! Thank you for all your help. I'll get right on these. xo
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You?re very welcome, FSBFF. Very few people seem to understand (or care about) those comma rules but, for me, those errors stick out like sore thumbs. Thanks for being one of the few people who actually cares about correcting them. I always proof for the benefit of that one person in a million who might pick up on those mistakes if I didn?t catch them first.
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I appreciate it. I wrote it the way I did because my understanding from business school (perhaps it's different in literary works than in business letters) is that a comma is for introductory clauses, appositives, parenthetical and after a conjunction that links two independent clauses. That's why the one between "the sack was moving (,) and gave it a hard stare." didn't seem right to me. But you're an professional editor, and I'm not. So of course I will trust you!
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Ditto for "The other houses, small and tidy, that resembled her own (,) and wiped away more tears.
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As with anything else, every rule has exceptions. For instance, most people still believe that you never use a comma before ?and? in a list, but they?re not paying attention to which words apply to which, or the expectation set up. ?On the tree limb were red birds and insects,? implies that the insects were red too because that adjective modifies everything that follows it - unless you throw in the comma, which suggests the modifier stops here. Look at the cover of the book ?Eats Shoots and Leaves,? which clearly shows how meaning can change by the addition or deletion of commas.
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See my previous soap box speech. ;-)
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I see what you're saying. That makes sense to me. So, no "hard and fasts." The only rule is that no rule applies to everything.
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Absotively posilutely! Ain?t you glad you has me as your grammar and spelling coach?
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I shure are!!
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I see you doesn?t need my help no more. You talks good English.
Comment from royowen
This is such a lovely story, in past times Elaine and I have "owned" many a cat, including dogs, with our girls growing up, we've only got and elderly cat left (she's seventeen) so I was touched by this little kitten coming at a time Etta's need was at its, I would have attributed it to a conspiracy by God and Randall, beautifully written Rachelle, I really like your style, blessings, Roy
Typo : "My mother is (letter) her roots grow out."
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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This is such a lovely story, in past times Elaine and I have "owned" many a cat, including dogs, with our girls growing up, we've only got and elderly cat left (she's seventeen) so I was touched by this little kitten coming at a time Etta's need was at its, I would have attributed it to a conspiracy by God and Randall, beautifully written Rachelle, I really like your style, blessings, Roy
Typo : "My mother is (letter) her roots grow out."
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thanks for this BEAUTIFUL review, Roy. You always have the nicest way of making me feel good about my stories.
And thanks, too, for catching that typo. I'll take care of it after I've finished answer all my reviews. I appreciate your having my back. xo
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My pleasure
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Rachelle!
Just delightful on so many levels. Your protagonist definitely reminds me of my mother who was always fastidious about her appearance, but let a few things slide when a "butterscotch" kitten was left on her front lawn. The little cat had been abused, and while my mother loved "Sophie" dearly, Sophie scared the "you-know-what" out of the rest of us as she would wait to pounce and hiss at anyone who crossed her path! You have capture the "others" concern very well, and I smiled when I read your reference to Etta's "housecoat." (Oh...and my maternal grandmother's name was Edna = she loved her little animals just like Etta!) I also appreciated how Etta named her kitten after her beloved Randall! Go, Etta!
If I may point out one small nit:
"My mother is letter (letting) her roots grow out?" Colleen had gasped, holding the edge of her desk to keep from falling to the floor. "This is an emergency!"
Just a special read, Rachelle!
Wish I had a six for you!
Smile for my day!
diane
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Hello Rachelle!
Just delightful on so many levels. Your protagonist definitely reminds me of my mother who was always fastidious about her appearance, but let a few things slide when a "butterscotch" kitten was left on her front lawn. The little cat had been abused, and while my mother loved "Sophie" dearly, Sophie scared the "you-know-what" out of the rest of us as she would wait to pounce and hiss at anyone who crossed her path! You have capture the "others" concern very well, and I smiled when I read your reference to Etta's "housecoat." (Oh...and my maternal grandmother's name was Edna = she loved her little animals just like Etta!) I also appreciated how Etta named her kitten after her beloved Randall! Go, Etta!
If I may point out one small nit:
"My mother is letter (letting) her roots grow out?" Colleen had gasped, holding the edge of her desk to keep from falling to the floor. "This is an emergency!"
Just a special read, Rachelle!
Wish I had a six for you!
Smile for my day!
diane
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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I just loved this review, Mrs. KT! Thank you for all your kinds words. And what a number of coincidences!!! Amazing!
Thanks, also, for catching that typo!! I appreciate you having my back. xo
Comment from damommy
What a delightful story. And how wonderful that Herb thought of doing this. It's funny how she kept referring to Randall and everyone thinking she was talking about her husband. I love the beauty salon's name. I was hooked from the very first word.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a delightful story. And how wonderful that Herb thought of doing this. It's funny how she kept referring to Randall and everyone thinking she was talking about her husband. I love the beauty salon's name. I was hooked from the very first word.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Oh, you sweet talkin' reviewer, you!! Thank you for all this encouragement. I totally appreciate it. xo
Comment from tfawcus
The grief process has to take its course, but a little catalyst never did anyone any harm! There's a lighter touch introduced here when the reader knows more about the situation than the characters. I was a little surprised though, given their level of concern, that none of them actually went over to visit Etta. That, however, would have spoiled the story.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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The grief process has to take its course, but a little catalyst never did anyone any harm! There's a lighter touch introduced here when the reader knows more about the situation than the characters. I was a little surprised though, given their level of concern, that none of them actually went over to visit Etta. That, however, would have spoiled the story.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thank you for this wonderful review, tfawcus. I appreciate it very much.
My thought process behind everyone giving her 'room' to grieve and work things out on her own was because they all held her in very high esteem and respected her ability to work through it all. Now I'm thinking maybe I didn't make that point quite strong enough? Do you have any suggestions for me in that regard? I'm so glad you offered up that input. xo
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It's a difficult one. Perhaps if the grief counsellor had advised them that the best thing to do was to give her space, the fact that they stayed away might have a stronger rationale.
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The daughters did have that discussion on the phone that morning after Etta first got Randall. I'll keep thinking!! xo
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Yes, a good point. I may have missed that.
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a marvelous story, which was executed beautifully. With just the right amount of description, this reader was engaged from start to finish.
If you read my last reply before you read this review, you'll know that I'm an avid cat lover. And, so, I certainly was touched (nearly to tears) with that part of the story.
I must end these comments on a light note. It is nearly impossible to train a cat. Sure, they understand a lot of what you tell them, but they don't give a shit about your rules. Case in point, KayKay knows she's not allowed on the kitchen counter and when she hears me coming (whenever she's up there), she immediately jumps off. I suppose I should be happy she at least doesn't flaunt her disregard for my rules, LOL. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a marvelous story, which was executed beautifully. With just the right amount of description, this reader was engaged from start to finish.
If you read my last reply before you read this review, you'll know that I'm an avid cat lover. And, so, I certainly was touched (nearly to tears) with that part of the story.
I must end these comments on a light note. It is nearly impossible to train a cat. Sure, they understand a lot of what you tell them, but they don't give a shit about your rules. Case in point, KayKay knows she's not allowed on the kitchen counter and when she hears me coming (whenever she's up there), she immediately jumps off. I suppose I should be happy she at least doesn't flaunt her disregard for my rules, LOL. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Yes, as cats go, Lou, that IS rather considerate of her! (or she just doesn't want to have to listen to you yell at her, face to face.)
I absolutely love this review. Thank you for making my night purr-fect. xo
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
What a sweet story. Randall was exactly what she needed to bring her back from grief. Her former husband knew she'd wanted a cat and now miraculously she had one. What are the odds of that? Surely her hubby had been behind the gift, which she would love and treasure as she had him. :)
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a sweet story. Randall was exactly what she needed to bring her back from grief. Her former husband knew she'd wanted a cat and now miraculously she had one. What are the odds of that? Surely her hubby had been behind the gift, which she would love and treasure as she had him. :)
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Stranger things have happened!!!
Thanks for the terrific review, Phyllis. xo
