Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Lyin' Eyes Part II"Shenanigans on the frontier
10 total reviews
Comment from poetwatch
("Angus she's going to go whether you permit it or not, she's sweet on th) You need something here Earl. Other than that this is a good story. Two mule-headed women going into the frontier with 30 frontiersmen isn't going to be peaceful. They is going to cause hell on the way, :). Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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("Angus she's going to go whether you permit it or not, she's sweet on th) You need something here Earl. Other than that this is a good story. Two mule-headed women going into the frontier with 30 frontiersmen isn't going to be peaceful. They is going to cause hell on the way, :). Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from brenda faye curtis
I am enjoying this store more and more as it goes!
I believe shortening the chapters by dividing them in two was a very good idea. I do love to read good stories, like yours, but with two jobs, I don't have time to devote to fanstory like I used to, and every time I check my mailbox, I've got a ton of stories, poems and contest alerts to sift through. Reading your story in shorter segments is better for me. I'm just glad I get to read it at all!
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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I am enjoying this store more and more as it goes!
I believe shortening the chapters by dividing them in two was a very good idea. I do love to read good stories, like yours, but with two jobs, I don't have time to devote to fanstory like I used to, and every time I check my mailbox, I've got a ton of stories, poems and contest alerts to sift through. Reading your story in shorter segments is better for me. I'm just glad I get to read it at all!
Comment Written 26-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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You're welcome, Earl.
Comment from LaFrance
Great chapter Earl, you got the frontiers gathering for their adventure. I am enjoying the fellowships that are being created and also the battled that seem to be coming.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Great chapter Earl, you got the frontiers gathering for their adventure. I am enjoying the fellowships that are being created and also the battled that seem to be coming.
Comment Written 25-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from aryr
A great chapter Earl, very enjoyable to read. The flow and plot line were comfortable and you provided great details and descriptions. The characters once again gave good input to keep the interest going strong. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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A great chapter Earl, very enjoyable to read. The flow and plot line were comfortable and you provided great details and descriptions. The characters once again gave good input to keep the interest going strong. Well done.
Comment Written 25-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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most welcome
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Your story is moving along very well, Earl, and I approve of the shorter chapters. Smyth may have a bit of a problem getting the fifty rifles to the Shawnees. It will never happen if Doo and Clancy discover what he is up to. I sure hop those Mules know how to swim with all that weight on their backs. Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Your story is moving along very well, Earl, and I approve of the shorter chapters. Smyth may have a bit of a problem getting the fifty rifles to the Shawnees. It will never happen if Doo and Clancy discover what he is up to. I sure hop those Mules know how to swim with all that weight on their backs. Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 25-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much Nancy I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Gail Denham
Well done chapter - and yes, I'm glad you made it shorter - I think I read one of the earlier chapters. The back and forth come out credible. For a bit I was thinking they were further west - then re-read to find Pittsburgh - so the father's injuries fit the time I think. By the way that paragraph (his injuries) is an great way to show who he is, what he's done, time period, and so forth.
Held my interest.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Well done chapter - and yes, I'm glad you made it shorter - I think I read one of the earlier chapters. The back and forth come out credible. For a bit I was thinking they were further west - then re-read to find Pittsburgh - so the father's injuries fit the time I think. By the way that paragraph (his injuries) is an great way to show who he is, what he's done, time period, and so forth.
Held my interest.
Comment Written 25-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from lyenochka
Great storytelling mostly through dialogue, Earl. I like that the women you have in this book are very strong and know what they want.
Suggestion:
""Janie I could use your help here," (comma after Janie, to show she's being addressed.)
"your welcome to stay," (you're)
Formatting varies between double-spacing and single-spacing. The last part seems hurried maybe because of the singe-spacing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Great storytelling mostly through dialogue, Earl. I like that the women you have in this book are very strong and know what they want.
Suggestion:
""Janie I could use your help here," (comma after Janie, to show she's being addressed.)
"your welcome to stay," (you're)
Formatting varies between double-spacing and single-spacing. The last part seems hurried maybe because of the singe-spacing.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. You can thank my wife Anna for the strong woman characters. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from royowen
These episodes are self contained Earl, so one can be absorbed at a time. I like them, they are skilfully written and take in the lingo of the time, and the rough out woodsman period, when indiansvwetecstill around in numbers, and a pile of prejudice to go with it. Good characters and plot sit underneath the story, well done my friend, blessings, Roy
Typo : Realising it (was) futile to fight any longer.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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These episodes are self contained Earl, so one can be absorbed at a time. I like them, they are skilfully written and take in the lingo of the time, and the rough out woodsman period, when indiansvwetecstill around in numbers, and a pile of prejudice to go with it. Good characters and plot sit underneath the story, well done my friend, blessings, Roy
Typo : Realising it (was) futile to fight any longer.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much Roy I'm glad you're enjoying the story, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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Good Job Earl
Comment from robyn corum
Earl,
Yep, the West turned out some mighty headstrong women. *smile* I can see all of this happening pretty easily.
This post made a nice addition to your story and I'm glad to see you making the pieces a bit shorter. Thanks for that. Everything looked good, just saw a few little nits here and there. Made notes for you so you can check things out for yourself.
To consider:
1.) Janie had transformed into a beautiful young woman once after they got her out of the boy's
--> delete 'after'
2.) "Godfrey Smythe is footin' the bill(. H)e hired me, Clancy, and Mighty
3.) "If you change your mind (you're) welcome to stay
That's it. Nice job! Thanks!
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Earl,
Yep, the West turned out some mighty headstrong women. *smile* I can see all of this happening pretty easily.
This post made a nice addition to your story and I'm glad to see you making the pieces a bit shorter. Thanks for that. Everything looked good, just saw a few little nits here and there. Made notes for you so you can check things out for yourself.
To consider:
1.) Janie had transformed into a beautiful young woman once after they got her out of the boy's
--> delete 'after'
2.) "Godfrey Smythe is footin' the bill(. H)e hired me, Clancy, and Mighty
3.) "If you change your mind (you're) welcome to stay
That's it. Nice job! Thanks!
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much, this was a fun write. I appreciate all the writing pointers and you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Alex Rosel
This piece flows well and provides a nice read. I particularly like how you've created character voices that differ from the narrative. That's good structure.
Here are a view points you might like to consider:
She felt the sun on her face and a light breeze kissing it. -- I like the imagery used here. :)
"WHO ARE YOU SAYING NEEDS CONTROLLED, YOU VARMINT!" Janie roared -- I'm not sure the capitalization works here. It's sort of repeating information. You've used an exclamation point to emphasize the voice, and the dialogue tag is Janie roared. I think the reader will catch on without all those capital letters.
I've never heard of the Iroquois tribe before. Thank you for broadening my horizons :)
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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This piece flows well and provides a nice read. I particularly like how you've created character voices that differ from the narrative. That's good structure.
Here are a view points you might like to consider:
She felt the sun on her face and a light breeze kissing it. -- I like the imagery used here. :)
"WHO ARE YOU SAYING NEEDS CONTROLLED, YOU VARMINT!" Janie roared -- I'm not sure the capitalization works here. It's sort of repeating information. You've used an exclamation point to emphasize the voice, and the dialogue tag is Janie roared. I think the reader will catch on without all those capital letters.
I've never heard of the Iroquois tribe before. Thank you for broadening my horizons :)
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you very much, this was a fun write. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
