If I Could
Even the most well-intentioned actions have consequences.12 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It's a good job we cannot turn back time and our history is something we need to learn from, but that doesn't seem to happen. I enjoyed your repetitive poem which is food for thought, this is an interesting syllable formation and I'm not sure that it flows that well Michele, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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It's a good job we cannot turn back time and our history is something we need to learn from, but that doesn't seem to happen. I enjoyed your repetitive poem which is food for thought, this is an interesting syllable formation and I'm not sure that it flows that well Michele, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
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Thanks, Dolly. There was one particular line that I had a problem with myself, flow-wise, but I'd thrown the poem together on short notice for the contest. I do a much better job when I take my time and finesse, but I didn't allow that this time. Thank you for your kind comments as well as your corrective (and very diplomatically put!) criticism. Have a lovely day.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written repitition poem. It is a good thing we cannot go back to the past to change the events that take place, but we can correct the mistakes we made to ensure a better future.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2019
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A very well-written repitition poem. It is a good thing we cannot go back to the past to change the events that take place, but we can correct the mistakes we made to ensure a better future.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2019
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I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks very much for the kind review.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Excellent repeating line, meeting the contest requirements.
I enjoyed the thought you put into this poem, from title to description to artwork to contemplating what would happen if history were altered.
Your closing stanza neatly wrapped things up.
Great contest entry!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Excellent repeating line, meeting the contest requirements.
I enjoyed the thought you put into this poem, from title to description to artwork to contemplating what would happen if history were altered.
Your closing stanza neatly wrapped things up.
Great contest entry!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much for this lovely, comprehensive review.
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My pleasure and you are so welcome :)
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:-)
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello mystery writer : I enjoyed your proposition of going back in time to change history. You also realize the consequences of changing time within the verse. It is an interesting question. What would happen if somehow time could be changed for an instant? You chose interesting events in time and I think you did a fine job with the poem. -Robert-
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Hello mystery writer : I enjoyed your proposition of going back in time to change history. You also realize the consequences of changing time within the verse. It is an interesting question. What would happen if somehow time could be changed for an instant? You chose interesting events in time and I think you did a fine job with the poem. -Robert-
Comment Written 19-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much for a review that truly proves you read and understood my work. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
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You're welcome.
Comment from the13thpoet
Good stuff! I really enjoyed that, I have nothing bad to say about it. Your style and delivery on point, the thought process amazing, loved it. Too often we take action with little regard for the consequences.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Good stuff! I really enjoyed that, I have nothing bad to say about it. Your style and delivery on point, the thought process amazing, loved it. Too often we take action with little regard for the consequences.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your very thoughtful comments. It's obvious that you really paid attention to the words and their meaning, not just the sound, and I appreciate that very much.
Comment from Debbie Pope
I like where this is coming from. If you change one thing in history, that impacts infinite subsequent events. You might find yourself in a worse situation. It might be best to work forward as you say. At least it's more predictable.
Good luck in the contest. This is a good entry.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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I like where this is coming from. If you change one thing in history, that impacts infinite subsequent events. You might find yourself in a worse situation. It might be best to work forward as you say. At least it's more predictable.
Good luck in the contest. This is a good entry.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your thoughtful comments and contest wishes.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I think changing history would be a bad idea, even if we could. I like your plan of creating the best possible future much better. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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I think changing history would be a bad idea, even if we could. I like your plan of creating the best possible future much better. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much for your comments and contest wishes.
Comment from Brenda Henderson
I enjoyed this. It's up to you but for rhythm and pace I would add the word "that" after the word "best" in the last stanza. This is thought provoking. You really give your readers something to ponder . Good job
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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I enjoyed this. It's up to you but for rhythm and pace I would add the word "that" after the word "best" in the last stanza. This is thought provoking. You really give your readers something to ponder . Good job
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much for your very kind comments. Regarding the last line, I did it that way to match the syllable count of the corresponding line in the previous stanza. The last line of the first two stanzas is one syllable less than this. I was afraid I'd throw off the beat noticeably with a two-syllable difference. I'd appreciate if you could please re-read it with this in mind and let me know if you still think the additional word would make it read better. I'm grateful for your help in improving my poem.
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That's why I said it's up to you. I read it over several times each time aloud. Somehow the word "that" improved it to the sound to my ear. It caused me to place greater emphasis on the future. It still works either way. That's why I still gave it 5 stars. I really liked this.
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Thank you. I'll reread it a few times more myself and see how it feels. I hadn't done so out loud, and that might make the difference. I really appreciate your input.
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You're Welcome!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely with the correct number of repeated lines. The theme is clever as many would like to fix something in history without realizing that in the end they may cause a much bigger problem. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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This meets the contest requirements nicely with the correct number of repeated lines. The theme is clever as many would like to fix something in history without realizing that in the end they may cause a much bigger problem. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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You're welcome, and thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment from royowen
It's probably what a lot of folk would have wished if we could change anything, but what a Pandora's box we might open if we do,what would happen if we did, I think it would certainly change things for us personally,in fact would we exist atall? The WW1 sowed the seeds of WW2 anyway. Beautifully written in abcb rhymed quatrains, well done, blessings,Roy
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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It's probably what a lot of folk would have wished if we could change anything, but what a Pandora's box we might open if we do,what would happen if we did, I think it would certainly change things for us personally,in fact would we exist atall? The WW1 sowed the seeds of WW2 anyway. Beautifully written in abcb rhymed quatrains, well done, blessings,Roy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much for this very thoughtful - and thought-provoking - review.
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Well done
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Thank you, Roy.
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Bless you
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And you as well.
