Broken branches
Families, grown apart from the start60 total reviews
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Broken Branches", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a privilege to both read and review this talented poet's work. This is a true six. I look forward to seeing your next piece.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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"Broken Branches", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a privilege to both read and review this talented poet's work. This is a true six. I look forward to seeing your next piece.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2019
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My sincerest thank you.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a story about families, broken apart from the start, a shocking happening as if occurred fatefully, circumstances beyond the control of the family members; well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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This speaks a story about families, broken apart from the start, a shocking happening as if occurred fatefully, circumstances beyond the control of the family members; well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 28-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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My sincere thank you.
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My sincere thank you.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
This is a poignant write that touches on those matters that 'push' families apart through the years... I would only suggest, perhaps, that the writing prompt called for rhyme..? Thank you for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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This is a poignant write that touches on those matters that 'push' families apart through the years... I would only suggest, perhaps, that the writing prompt called for rhyme..? Thank you for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 28-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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Thanks..
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Thanks..
Comment from Earl Corp
I'm not seeing any rhymes in there whicwas in the contest prompt. Am I missing them? Because they take tgat stuff seriously, I was dq'd for entering a rhyming poem in a free verse contest. Your poem subject does hit home with me, i have a family with many broken branches. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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I'm not seeing any rhymes in there whicwas in the contest prompt. Am I missing them? Because they take tgat stuff seriously, I was dq'd for entering a rhyming poem in a free verse contest. Your poem subject does hit home with me, i have a family with many broken branches. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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Thank Earl, I have had a couple of discussions with the CEC on this piece. I will just have to suck it up and learn to do better moving ahead. I can?t thank you enough, however, for your time and comments.
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Thank Earl, I have had a couple of discussions with the CEC on this piece. I will just have to suck it up and learn to do better moving ahead. I can?t thank you enough, however, for your time and comments.
Comment from LisaMay
I was hanging on every broken branch of your tree to see if reunion was going to happen, but then there was the snapping of a dozen more! Which didn't leave me feeling very encouraged. Your poem explores a common problem of contemporary society: we often get too self absorbed and busy on 'our chosen paths' to keep in touch and before we know it, the connections are loosened, the branch gets broken.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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I was hanging on every broken branch of your tree to see if reunion was going to happen, but then there was the snapping of a dozen more! Which didn't leave me feeling very encouraged. Your poem explores a common problem of contemporary society: we often get too self absorbed and busy on 'our chosen paths' to keep in touch and before we know it, the connections are loosened, the branch gets broken.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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My sincere appreciation for your eloquent response.
Comment from Yuna Akil
Wow! I took so much meaning out of this poem! It is absolutely brilliant. I felt like I was the broken branch because I'm currently a little distant from my family. That's how I've always been in temperament. My mom was always for 7 years and my dad for 8 and when my mother was always my dad was working all day, sometimes I didn't see him. Now I realize I am becoming an adult who's aloof and too independent. But I don't want to be that way.
In the end, I thought the poem could also mean death. A broken branch represents a dead family member. Very sad.
There's a song that makes me feel the way your poem did. It is called "An evening I'll not forget" by Dermot Kennedy.
As to a critique, I think the sentence "Riding a broken branch to the sky" could use a subject. I want to leave some space for the creativity of course, but I'm usually bothered by sentence fragments in poems. You could say ""As we ride a broken branch to the sky," or anything you'd like. As a reader, I just like it better when there's a noun.
Sincerely,
Yuna.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Wow! I took so much meaning out of this poem! It is absolutely brilliant. I felt like I was the broken branch because I'm currently a little distant from my family. That's how I've always been in temperament. My mom was always for 7 years and my dad for 8 and when my mother was always my dad was working all day, sometimes I didn't see him. Now I realize I am becoming an adult who's aloof and too independent. But I don't want to be that way.
In the end, I thought the poem could also mean death. A broken branch represents a dead family member. Very sad.
There's a song that makes me feel the way your poem did. It is called "An evening I'll not forget" by Dermot Kennedy.
As to a critique, I think the sentence "Riding a broken branch to the sky" could use a subject. I want to leave some space for the creativity of course, but I'm usually bothered by sentence fragments in poems. You could say ""As we ride a broken branch to the sky," or anything you'd like. As a reader, I just like it better when there's a noun.
Sincerely,
Yuna.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Thank you Yuma, I appreciate all of your words....
Comment from Nicole Hawley
Yes we're all familiar with the family tree, but I love that you took this common symbol and transformed it into such a unique and compelling piece. I commend you for entering this contest. When I took a poetry class during my graduate program a little more than a year ago, I enrolled because I wanted to learn how to write songs. This is a beautiful story told in a heart-ful way. I greatly enjoyed it!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Yes we're all familiar with the family tree, but I love that you took this common symbol and transformed it into such a unique and compelling piece. I commend you for entering this contest. When I took a poetry class during my graduate program a little more than a year ago, I enrolled because I wanted to learn how to write songs. This is a beautiful story told in a heart-ful way. I greatly enjoyed it!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Thank you very much Nicole, your wonderful words are so motivating.
Comment from Sylvia Page
JLR, Your poem went straight through to my heart. You have likened the tree to a family tree and went on to regret the breaking away of your family from the main branch. The picture you chose too is awesome. But I don't think your poem falls in line with the contest requirement of the chorus following each verse. You can still restructure. The chorus is the first verse.
Best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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JLR, Your poem went straight through to my heart. You have likened the tree to a family tree and went on to regret the breaking away of your family from the main branch. The picture you chose too is awesome. But I don't think your poem falls in line with the contest requirement of the chorus following each verse. You can still restructure. The chorus is the first verse.
Best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Sylvia, welcome me so much your words and insights. I have been in dialogue the CEC on this issue and since the deadline is past. I have been removed ...this again in s such an new learning process. I am working diligently improve on every submission....
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Don't worry you will be a great poet as I see the makings of one.
Comment from WryWriter
I really like the metaphor of the "family tree" with broken branches. I like the repetition of the last line in each stanza. Lyrical form. I especially like the second stanza and the last stanza. It seems that when one branch breaks, others follow suit. Well-done!!
likened too((to)) a dozen fingers popping
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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I really like the metaphor of the "family tree" with broken branches. I like the repetition of the last line in each stanza. Lyrical form. I especially like the second stanza and the last stanza. It seems that when one branch breaks, others follow suit. Well-done!!
likened too((to)) a dozen fingers popping
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Thank you for the read and comments I made your edit change my sincere thanks.
Comment from tfawcus
Broken branches of the family tree - an interesting metaphor here which you have expanded fully.
Just one spag: likened too (to) a dozen fingers popping.
Good luck in the Lyrical Poem contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Broken branches of the family tree - an interesting metaphor here which you have expanded fully.
Just one spag: likened too (to) a dozen fingers popping.
Good luck in the Lyrical Poem contest.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Got it fixed good input, thanks.
