You Need Hot Sauce Smuckatelly
Ohh, That Smuckatelly42 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I like the storytelling rhythm in this. My favorite lines are probably: "Amateurs," I said.
So I started out with the traditional start to a war story.
"This ain't no bull..."
This is the kind of story that I would like to see in newspapers more often when Veterans' Day comes around. The rest of the articles we keep having to read seem like they don't matter so much. In the very last sentence, I would put a comma after the word "breakfast" and that's about it.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
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I like the storytelling rhythm in this. My favorite lines are probably: "Amateurs," I said.
So I started out with the traditional start to a war story.
"This ain't no bull..."
This is the kind of story that I would like to see in newspapers more often when Veterans' Day comes around. The rest of the articles we keep having to read seem like they don't matter so much. In the very last sentence, I would put a comma after the word "breakfast" and that's about it.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
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I happen to be a newspaper writer and our paper runs my stories like this. For Veterans Day I did a sootlight article on the front page every day the week prior to Veteran's Day. If you're interested in reading some of them lrt me know. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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That is so nice of you. It also looks like you have a great portfolio going on here, too. No need to do extra work unless you are up to it, though.
Comment from juliaSjames
I love this tall tale. We've all experienced the upset and disappointment of dropping a favourite snack. And we've all invoked the five second rule,! So your well written story is close enough to reality to make it truly funny.
Hope this does well in the contest.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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I love this tall tale. We've all experienced the upset and disappointment of dropping a favourite snack. And we've all invoked the five second rule,! So your well written story is close enough to reality to make it truly funny.
Hope this does well in the contest.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 20-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Thank you very much Julia. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Sheridan1
You set the reader into the story, both the tavern and the swamp. Good descriptions, concise.
The only suggestion I have is that 'most' of the students looked away' or you only looked away for a short time, or else no one could describe Shumkatelly's actions. Small issue.
Great story for several reasons, humour, bravery and comradeship.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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You set the reader into the story, both the tavern and the swamp. Good descriptions, concise.
The only suggestion I have is that 'most' of the students looked away' or you only looked away for a short time, or else no one could describe Shumkatelly's actions. Small issue.
Great story for several reasons, humour, bravery and comradeship.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A great story about a very hungry guy. I thought it might be about a competition to see who could eat the hottest sauce (the stupidest event ever concocted.) Hot sauce is a condiment and that is all.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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A great story about a very hungry guy. I thought it might be about a competition to see who could eat the hottest sauce (the stupidest event ever concocted.) Hot sauce is a condiment and that is all.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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I didn't mean to be misleading with the title. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Bill Schott
This flash fiction story, You Need Hot Sauce Smuckatelly, is a great example of a "This is a no-shitter..." corps-lore tale worthy of Green Side Out.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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This flash fiction story, You Need Hot Sauce Smuckatelly, is a great example of a "This is a no-shitter..." corps-lore tale worthy of Green Side Out.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Bill this really happened and that ain't no shit, i fictionalized it some. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from humpwhistle
Good one, Earl! Smuckatelly has true grit.
You already made fifty bucks on this story, so why not triple down?
This is my first encounter with Smuck. I look forward to others.
Best of luck!
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Good one, Earl! Smuckatelly has true grit.
You already made fifty bucks on this story, so why not triple down?
This is my first encounter with Smuck. I look forward to others.
Best of luck!
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 20-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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True grit took on a whole new meaning Lee. I have a lot more Smuck stories in my portfolio if you are interested. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the six star rating and on a Saturday!
Comment from WryWriter
Ah, the sign of a true man who never gives up, sees possibilities in whatever comes his way. LOL! Hot sauce does goes with anything they say! Hip, Hip, Horray!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Ah, the sign of a true man who never gives up, sees possibilities in whatever comes his way. LOL! Hot sauce does goes with anything they say! Hip, Hip, Horray!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Tpa
great story, well written. it sounds like his digestive tract was made of iron, but when your hungry, you'll eat anything, no matter where it falls. good job very entertaining.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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great story, well written. it sounds like his digestive tract was made of iron, but when your hungry, you'll eat anything, no matter where it falls. good job very entertaining.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Jerome Goldberg
It is amazing what you can do when you are both mentally and physically exhausted, hungry and hanging by a thread. Great story and well written. Thank you for your service.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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It is amazing what you can do when you are both mentally and physically exhausted, hungry and hanging by a thread. Great story and well written. Thank you for your service.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from brenda faye curtis
I think I could fall in love with a guy like that!
I have to say that one of my biggest pet peeves is people who whine excessively and make excuses and blame others for all that's wrong in their lives. This Smuckatelly character is a breath of very fresh air, and he's definitely hero material!
Nice wrap up of the story at the end with the hot sauce!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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I think I could fall in love with a guy like that!
I have to say that one of my biggest pet peeves is people who whine excessively and make excuses and blame others for all that's wrong in their lives. This Smuckatelly character is a breath of very fresh air, and he's definitely hero material!
Nice wrap up of the story at the end with the hot sauce!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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The five second rule was definitely in effect, LOL. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work. I appreciate the six stars, especially on a Saturday. There are more Smuckatelly stories in my portfolio if you are interested.
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I'll check those out!
